A "codependent" is loosely defined as someone who exhibits too much, and often inappropriate, caring for other people's struggles.
Codependency advocates claim a codependent ...
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Running from the good...help
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Ok, my mind is so messed up. I spend all day argueing w/ myself! I was in a love addict/codependent marriage w/ an abusive/love avoidant/sex addicted man. Now I spend most of my time trying to figure out what normal is. I have found an awesome man who gives me everything I ever dreamed of in a man. He's honest, faithful, loving, smart, funny, successful...I just don't have that spark w/ him but it may be b/c I'm so used to all the intenseness of my life w/ my ex. It's like he was my drug that gave me such high rushes. Sex was great b/c that's all we had and I was always chasing him. Now, that is the part that is lacking w/ the new. I don't know if I'm searching for a feeling that's only available in unhealthy relationships or if you are really supposed to have that intense love to marry someone and be happy. All of my friends say their love doesn't feel like that, it's not gotta have you or I'll die kinda feeling. I've contemplated leaving but that is the only reason. I don't want to throw away a good man b/c I want someone to fight and make up/out with. I do want to marry my best friend but how do I convince myself that normal healthy love feeling is enough, that I don't have to be overwhelmed by the feeling of love? I want to be happy but parts of me feel like I've found happy but won't except it. I just want so bad to be happy!!!
Posted on 09/18/08, 12:09 pm |
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I am finding out how to be happy through therapy. Professionals really do know things, that's why they are professionals. A good therapist can help you figure out exactly what it is that you are doing or not doing to keep yourself from achieving a loving relationship and the happiness you are searching for.
Also, try to remember that a relationship is not going to cause you to be happy. People who are whole can find happiness anywhere. A good relationship just adds to it. No man is going to save you and make everything all right. THat is what Melody Beattie calls "magical thinking." Have you read any of her books? 
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Honey.. I feel you. We get so used to being treated bad we can't except good when it comes. It's like we won't allow are self to be happy. I know someone right now that is in a crazy insane relationship and knows it but she thinks that's what she deserves. I look back on the stupid relationships I have had and ask myself "what was I thinking" Allow good people to be good to you.
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Shen I just read what you wrote. Your right. it's Magical thinking... our own little dreams we want to come true. and yes all of Melody's books are wonderful!! Huge Fan of hers!!!!
I wish someone would have told me about her when I was 10yr years old. LOL
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