Codependency Support Group

Boundaries seem to be in order.

GOOD LUCK. I'D SAY DEF KEEP UP YOUR BOUNDARIES. I GOT DIVORCED AND WENT RIGHT INTO A NEW RELATIONSHIP. EVEN THOUGH I NEEDED MY SPACE, I COULDN'T TELL HIM NOT TO COME OVER. NOW ALMOST A YEAR LATER, I'M LIVING WITH HIM, ENGAGED AND DON'T EVEN KNOW HOW I GOT THERE. HE IS AN AWESOME GUY BUT THERE WAS NO SPARK AT ALL WHEN WE KISSED OR HAD SEX BUT I KEPT TALKING MYSELF INTO STAYING B/C HE WAS SAFE. NOW I'M TRYING TO FIGURE OUT HOW TO LEAVE AND GET BETTER BEFORE I JUMP INTO ANOTHER RELATIONSHIP. IT IS DEF HARDER TO FIX YOURSELF WHEN YOU'RE WITH SOMEONE AND WE ALSO TEND TO ATTRACT THE WRONG KIND OF PEOPLE WHEN WE HAVEN'T FIXED OURSELVES. GOOD LUCK AND STAY STRONG!

maybe just do it even if it doesn't feel natural . Also you know to ease your fear about him breaking it off because of you taking space .. well usually men like a chase, and if you cut him out a little they seem to want you even more . Kind of like missing someone makes the heart grow fonder ( or however they say it ) ..
If he doesn't understand or respect you needing space, than he's not the one you want anyway !

You sound similar to me. I used to think the term introverted was a dirty word. I thought it meant I didn't get along well with others. I learned that it means I unlike an outgoing person,like my space. I love chatting with others and going to functions. I do get tired though when I'm spending so much time running around visiting and having people over. I used to feel abnormal feeling that my home is my sanctuary and that visiting has it's time and place no matter who it is. My husband has accepted that while he's more outgoing,and has no problem with any and all people visiting and such,I don't most of the time. I used to feel bad about it,but now,I don't.

Stand up for yourself,and don't feel intimidated letting your guy know how you're feeling. The way I see it,honesty may not always yield the results we're seeking,but it leaves your door open to people who have no problems respecting both you and your boundaries. Desperation of abandonment is never a good reason to keep quiet and put up with things. Maybe your not being honest with him is causing him stress. People don't usually know what we want unless we vocalize it. From there we negotiate the relationship keeping in mind both people's feelings and boundaries.

Hugs,

I SOOO feel you. I think human beings all need our space from time to time, to reestablish our identities and to simply recharge our batteries. Just explain to him what you said here. "It's not you; it's me. I love you; I just don't want to be together 24/7, y'know? I just need a few days a week to regroup, miss you, and then get back together again." If he understands, he'll comply. Chances are, he's feeling the same things.