A "codependent" is loosely defined as someone who exhibits too much, and often inappropriate, caring for other people's struggles.
Codependency advocates claim a codependent ...
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i think I am a control-freak wreck!
my friend (an addict and ex-boyfriend/complicated) has made it into a pre-rehab residence and is due to move there today. I got an email from him indicating that he's applying to live in this place out of town as well and telling them he can move in straight away. I can't get in touch with him and I find myself wondering "what are you DOING??! you've finally got into rehab and now you're checking out places to move out of town??" I feel that anxious feeling of needing to desperately call him and go "what are you up to??!" and try and get him back on track and stay focussed etc. It's SOOO hard to just breathe and remind myself that it HIS life and I can't control the outcome nor any part thereof. It's up to him completely what he chooses to do with the options he has. If he wants to keep scheming and putting off the hard work then he will, and I can't stop him. I don't want him to feel abandoned by me though. And maybe I CAN help to remind him of the path he is on (towards recovery)... i guess i just need any suggestions or advice or just a few words of encouragement! this is co-dependency right??? Posted on 08/27/08, 08:08 pm |
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OK, first of all, relax. This isn't your problem. If your friend has changed his mind about re-hab or taking care of himself, it's not your responsibility to take charge. If he's old enough to enter re-hab, he's certainly old enough to make his own decisions, good or bad.
Now what that means for you is that you don't need to get out of shape. You care for the guy, you want good things for him, but you cannot make his decisions for him. The good news is that backing away can really help you feel less anxiety & stress. Let your friend make his own mistakes & be there for him...TO LISTEN. Don't make decisions for him. 
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I don't know how "present" I'd even be to listen to him. He'll drag you down.
You can't control HIM; you can only control YOURSELF, how it makes you feel to be exposed to his situation, and how much time you choose to devote to him.
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What does applied mean... Perhaps it is a sober-living environment and that is the best place for him. Also, if he is just finishing up rehab it is always best not to go back to old friends, places and things. He may be doing what is best for him.
chill.
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The simplest thing that you can do that I have found is to remind your self that you are not responsible for the other person there is nothing you can do for them. Also you have to focus only on yourself becuase that is what you actually in the end always have control of.
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