Codependency Support Group

hi there! i am in the same boat believe it or not. I have taken the approach of if she wants to be my friend then she will return my calls and e-mails, it still hurts though. I dont like not having any close friends.

First,have you talked to her about this issue?

It sounds like she may be introverted,and uncomfortable telling you she's either changed,and moved on,or just never felt the same connection you thought you guys had.

I've been in both situations of the equation-so perhaps giving my insight can maybe help.

First off,I've been in relationships where I thought the connection was great. It turned out initially my friend "needed" my friendship at the beginning. Then as time wore on,and things changed in her life,and she acquired more friends,her initial reasons for wanting me as a friend changed. I later was the person she contacted when none of her other friends were available. The last straw,was when I finally realized what was going on,was when she told me she was busy doing xxx with her parents but was shopping with friends. I tried confronting her,but she couldn't be honest enough to tell me the truth about a lot of things,so I moved on.

On the flip side,I became friends with a woman who I met through another friend. This girl was highly insecure and needy. Although we both had families to take care of,I worked full time,and was really irritated at having to drop everything to talk to her when she called. Not because I didn't like talking to her,but because our conversations on the phone consisted of her whining about her husband,kids and inlaws. She RARELY ever asked me how I was doing,or how my family was doing. She would ask for advice from me,and not utilize it,but call me a couple days later to whine about the exact thing. I spent a year in this type of communication pattern with her. It drove me nuts. Her parenting style was completely different than mine(I don't scream and intimidate my kids),and I do the best to communicate as much as possible with people who bother me. I tried many times in this case,to limit our communication by phone and email. She either didn't get it or couldn't help whining all the time. So,out of frustration I just stopped taking her calls and emails. I didn't feel she valued my friendship so for me,it wasn't difficult to break off-for her,she just ramped up her complaining and whining to her other friends.

It can be very difficult in the best cases,to tell something to someone that may hurt their feelings. What should I have told my friend? Sorry,I hate all the whining you do,I don't want to be your friend now bug off? Sometimes,the best thing is to say nothing. I later found out another friend of hers DID tell her that,and regardless it didn't change her communication pattern,she just found other people to whine to.

Obviously I'm NOT saying anything I mentioned reflects your situation! I'm just showing you both sides of what I've experienced,to give you an example.

Say GOOD BYE,GOOD LUCK and move on. Friendship is no different than dating,not everyone who becomes friends will stay friends long term. Sometimes we all go through transitions in our lives. Who I was ten years ago,is vastly different than who I am today. I can tell you,had I stayed friends with the same people,many would have moved on and visa versa.

Hugs,

I don't think you have to say goodbye, if you have had a good history I'd be loathe to throw it away. But you do have to take care of yourself. I would handle it with the attitude that I have reached out to them, they know where to find me and they will if they want to. You do have to protect yourself, though, if they come back only when they need things then it is definitely not healthy and you should distance yourself.

The friend never calls or emails
I aksed her go out several times-no answer
I have not seen her in months
I have shared personal feelings- no answer
or empathy.
Is it good to say good bye and good ludk
with ecard or something.

The friend never calls or emails
I aksed her go out several times-no answer
I have not seen her in months
I have shared personal feelings- no answer
or empathy.
Is it good to say good bye and good ludk
with ecard or something.

I sent her an ecard thanking her for
friendship in the past and wishing her
best of luck-the card send people grow in
different ways
This is right- it is like she fell off the
face of the earth

I find it hard to make decent friends nowadays, everyone is drinking or so messed up you wouldn't want them over anyways.remember you can't force people to be your friend, i would just let it go,when she is ready to be a friend she will get in touch with you.

That is part of codependancy worrying about friend dumping you, live for yourself. You will probably make better friends if you do live for yourself.

I can be a good friend to most people, however, I seem to attract the worst people, needy and sometimes on the verge of disaster. Then it starts to suck the life out of you. As a person who tends to have codependent issues I have to realize when things go beyond friendship and start getting crazy.
She doesn't sound like a very good friend to you, though. I always turn it around and say would I do this to someone. If the answer is no, then there is probably something wrong on their end. I would just drop it for awhile and see what happens. The hardest part is getting out and meeting new people. I am so introverted.
I had a good friend for awhile, but she became so mentally unstable I couldn't handle it. She really would not take ownership of her own problems and would just call me up on a daily basis to whine. She aIso nearly left me with no place to live, due to an apartment subletting thing. Finally had enough and stopped talking to her. I am pretty sure she knows why, though. It is obvious.

I don't really have any advice, there is already good one out here, but I just know I can sympathize with your situation. Hang in there and know you are not alone. :)