Codependency Support Group

It comes from your inner child and there are real ways of healing an inner child.

http://www.ehow.com/how_2131957_in...

The inner child.

I've seen the article about how to heal the inner child and i'm doing some of the exercises they propose. Sure i've been avoiding my inner child because of the pain and fear it means to get in touch with her. It's been helpful, because i wanted sth i could start doing on my own. Thanks a lot Bookie!

The first few Alanon meetings I went to did not make a impression on me because I was in so much pain and anger and resentment that I could not open my mind up at that time to accept help..At my 3rd meeting some one said something that really made a lasting impression on me "Resentment is the poison WE take in order to see some one else die" I realized then, that MY resentment was doing absolutely NOTHING to the one I was mad at.. but it was only hurting ME, and I was truly sick of being in pain..from there I jumped directly into my own personal inventory to discover that my anger did not just come from alcohol drama but came from my upbringing/childhood as well. I have learned alot about myself over the past few years and I'm still learning and accepting what I learn. You truly have to get to a point where you forgive and accept past pain and make up your mind that you don't want to hurt any more. BTW,Thanks for the link , Booky

I am different then many people in that I say we have a right to be angry and resentful to those that hurt us.

If our tormenters become repentant and they apologize and try to make amends then I will forgive and stop my anger - but never forget.

We do not have the power to forget anyway. That is an untruth. Either that or the button on my brain that makes me forget is broken, and I think not.

In healing my inner child then I say it is correct and proper to be angry and resentful to those that did me harm.

When I was a child then I was not allowed to express those my feelings and now I can.

Some things we can not change and we have to accept those realities and hopefully we gain the wisdom to know the difference.

I agree with everyone. I see how you're feeling and where you're coming from. There are healthy ways to channel how you're feeling without dismissing them or hiding them away. It's taken me six years to get from bottling my anger and frustration to letting it out in a healthier way.

One thing I knew I had to greatly reduce was seeing myself as a victim in everything. It damages my reasoning for standing up for myself. My thought is this,I don't CARE any more to analyze why someone is being mean,rude or cruel and justify their actions,I hold everyone responsible for their actions! I've had to take time to practise getting angry in a way that leaves me without pent up frustration,and yet not being cruel and physical.Does that make sense?

I just watched a show where a doctor stated when our mind is stressed,our body feels it. By holding on,you are wearing down your body.

I used to think,oh maybe if I learn to forgive everyone in my life,that would be the answer. Not for me. When my mother decides to pick a fight and throw any and every situation and personal thing I've told her to try to hurt me I will not forgive her and let her get away with treating me that way. I've learned restraint,and it's funny the more you relax when your immediate response is to get hurt or angry,the MORE you see the dysfunctional way others are and better able to get things back on track(or tell the person to go climb a tree in a calmer state:-p).

There's a difference between forgiving and learning from the past. I love my mother greatly and have no ill will towards her,but I do not forgive her for the emotional/psychological and physical abuse I had growing up. She is what she is sure,but that DOESN'T mean she doesn't have to abide by how I expect to be treated. One thing I said to her a month ago,was when she was calling me a good for nothing etc,I decided I wouldn't dump her out of my life. Oh no,I will not giver her the benefit of telling everyone I ran away from having a relationship with her! I told her point blank,not to call me names EVER again. I also reminded her,if she felt the closer relationship we've maintained doesn't work for her then she is free to walk away. She stopped the games after that because I told her the relationship was valuable to me,and that if she didn't think so,then so be it.:-) This was a huge test of my personal changes,and I'm proud with how I worked such a stressful thing.

You can too,you just have to open up your heart,pour out the garbage that's been accruing and find a way to work out issues before you go storing them up. It's unbelievable how quickly things build when we can't or won't find a way any way to release them:-)

Hugs,

Two books helped me immensely: "Making Peace with Your Past," Sledge and "The Shame That Binds." Read these and find a Codependents Anonymous group. I think the books will help a lot. Good luck.

There are very good suggestions here. One thing, I actually learned from my soon to be exwife(STBX) is to replace the negative thoughts and replace them with positive ones. When you feel the need to think about the resentment, try to focus on them and validate them to today... Do they hold water now/today, or are you just angry at what happened or what was said? Because, its the past...its over. Now its time to love yourself, respect yourself and be there for yourself. Stay positive, stay focused and remember...you are worth it!

Thank you guys... Thank you very, very much. All of your comments seem to have a different perspective and I think they're all worthy of consideration. I needed this: a many-side perspective so I can begin working on this issue. HUGS TO YOU ALL