Cocaine addiction is the excessive intake of cocaine, and can result in physiological damage, lethargy, depression, or a potentially fatal overdose. Though the immediate craving to...
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mental obsession with crack?
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I have an addictive personality.... the first thing I became addicted to at a very young age was 'not eating' i was anorexic... By the time I was 18 I was alcoholic and bulimic who abused laxatives. I have now had enough after living with 8 years of chronic alcoholism... Im going into treatment for the first time ever.
The subject I want to bring up here is about crack... I used this for 3 years, it was just the most mind blowing euphoric horrifying thing and I could never get enough (i guess those of you who have done this will understand) Because my primary addiction was alcohol, when I ran out of money for crack I would go back to the cheap vodka... Some of the girls I was freinds with were not so lucky and they had a heroin habit to feed as well so had to work the streets five of them got murdered in Ipswich in England last year...RIP They didnt deserve what happened... I knew 2 of them personally and could see beyond the addiction that they were kind caring people . By then I had stopped using the crack cos it made my behavior so volotile that I was scared of myself... I frequently got arrested for being out of my brain on vodka... SO..... why this obsession I have with the fucking crack ??? I havnt even DONE any for nearly a year now. But life is unmanagable... every day I still want a rock.... I drank so much more when I stopped that I have damaged my liver too. This is not life.... Everytime I want to score I dont but I drink vodka and go to bed and overeat. Its got to the point where my liver and my weight is so bad that for the first time ever im going to go to treatment based on the 12 steps and give it a try. I have had enough. What did the crack do to my brain that I still crave it all the time?? All it takes is the sound of a doorbell... reading the newspaper... anything at all... even the air outside smelling of autumn to be a TRIGGER mentally to use it. My liver is aching and swollen and im so SICK of drink that I just want to go and get better. If im going to recover one day at a time I need to avoid the use of all mind altering substances. The main thing i guess is that I tried to stop on my own with out a program or support and im still in hell. Sorry this has been a really long post... but I have found it helpful to share my feelings Posted on 09/14/07, 08:09 pm |
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Keep up the good work! Sharing helps me alot too. I couldn't do it on my own. I have to be around recovering addicts in order to stay strong. We give each other strenghth. Only other addicts can understand what addicts go through. Keep sharing! 
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You know what? My addiction to crack is exactly the same as yours. No longer physical, but mental. I think it's because it's the highest high you can get.
I've only smoked half a rock in 5 years but my mouth waters at the mear mention of the stuff. It's my love/hate drug. I stopped on my own too. I used speed to help, and eventually quit that too. It's a killer of a drug, so nice yet so nasty. You've done real well, you should be proud of yourself, but no one is perfect. Substitute behaviour is normal. I fight the urge to drink, but still smoke way too much dope, I want to stop that too but it's so hard!!! I think psychological addiction is nearly as bad as physical. Good luck!! Keep it up! Hell. P.s. I'm always in hell, hence the name!!
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Im so happy you are giving the 12 step program a try! It will make you feel free. After i got into the program the obsession left me after a few months. Sometimes its longer, or shorter but it DOES go away! Just never ever forget how you feel right now and remember it everytime you want to go back out. You are gonna be on a better path now
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Thanks to all of you for replying and being so supportive.... just knowing that people out there understand helps so much..:) Kat x
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Keep talking about it, One year and no crack, that is an accomplishment.For me 12 step programs have always worked. It's good to be around people that are doing the same things that you are doing.
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i tried it about 6Months ago ever since then can's stop thinking about it, talking about it... i know that i can't do it again. it's almost too good to be true (the way it makes you feel *Sighs*) But still that doesnt stop it from playing on my mind almost 24/7
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