Chronic pain becomes chronic when it persists longer than 6 months and is resistant to medical management. Millions of Americans are chronic pain patients and some exper...
|
Ouch's Thoughts About Loving Ourselves
|
Watch this |
| View More Posts Ignore |
Working with chronic pain people all over the world, one major fact jumps out at me.
When we are first diagnosed and or if we have family that depends on us we feel guilty about being in pain. Would we feel guilty if we god forbid suffered with heart disease or cancer. Most likely not. So why do we feel guilty and feel responsible for having Fibromyalgia, Lupus, MS, Back and neck problems? I didn't go looking for my underlying causes, did you? A dear friend and former member of this group sent me to a web page to read a secret. The gist was that we become our on caregivers and love ourselves as a mother would. Wow, what a revelation. Loving ourselves. Now, I am adding one of my own. Stop feeling guilty about that which you have no control over. Of course if you answered yes, to looking for your illness go ahead and feel guilty. I didn't ask for this, I would gladly give it back and ask nothing in return. So if you are like me, stop hating yourself and feeling as though you did something wrong. Your families need you, they love you and will take you as is. That is what unconditional love is. So why don't we as chronic pain patients love ourselves unconditionally. There are a million negatives and very few positives when it comes to relationships and our children when you suffer from chronic pain. The negatives can be controlled and worked around. How is an individual thing. The positives are based on how you see yourself since that is how others see you. As the parent of three young men they watched me go through so much while they were teenagers. Boys growing up without dad to play basketball, or go camping. (BTW, I hate camping) I am a NYC boy) But as young men they are more compassionate and more tolerant of others. Something that usually takes more years and more life experience to achieve. So there is one positive. The others and trust me, there are many are personal to us. As they will be for you and yours. Several years ago, our youngest son's good friend had a severe bi-polar incident. One so bad, he grabbed the steering wheel from his mom and crashed the family van into a light post. This over a cheeseburger. Thank go no one was harmed. This young mans mother decided she needed three days away, our son volunteered to stay with is friend. Now what young man 18 or 19 at the time would risk himself for another? When he got there he saw this 20 year old friend couldn't cook, do laundry, heck he couldn't use a microwave. This young man was handicapped. When the three days were up, our son came home hugged Pink and said thank you for being tough on us. I get it, I am self sufficient and able to care for myself. Now that was another on my digressions. The gist of this story is our son, living with me being sick. Went and helped someone who needed him. To this day we are so proud of what he did those days. Now, Pinks neck blows up and our son who is away always asks about mom, and worries about her constantly. It is okay he worries, but he knows she will be okay. He came to visit prior to the surgery, he stayed here while we were away at my mothers last June. They have long chats, and you can see that he is a great and enlightened young man of excellent character. Would this of happened without our suffering chronic pain. I would like to think so, but I know that the reason it happened so young in him is that he was around our suffering and we still managed to be good parents. His older brother our middle who will be 23 on Monday was always a compassionate kid. One who always loved to please. The oldest who was out of the house for all of my chronic pain, at 28 although compassionate. Got that way after marriage. So, your children can benefit in ways, suffer in others. How you live, how you love yourself will determine how others including our families and friends view us. So, love yourself, release the guilt and family and friends will thrive around you. Last question. Before you became ill, and a chronic pain sufferer did you like to hangout with negative downer type people? So why be one.... Much love my dear friends and have a pain free week ahead. Happy Autumn Ouch The web page address is http://www.painreliefexplained.com... Posted on 09/23/07, 12:09 pm |
| 30 Replies | Most Recent | Add Your Reply |
| View More Posts Ignore |
Thank you for the post and link.
I agree, I think my kids have learned to be more compassionate at a younger age becuase of this. Sometimes, good things can come out of the negatives. Have a peaceful, pain tolerable day. 
|
|
|
|
||
| View More Posts Ignore |
Ouch .... this post I believe WILL be so helpful to many of our members. Being a chronic pain survivor and living through the hell of what was this summer, I know from experience that being positive DEFINITELY creates positive results. The days where I felt sorry for me and felt as though I was a burden to my family were and are ALWAYS the worst of days. I am able to do more and more every day yet still feel that guilt when I have to ask for help or I am unable to take part in family events etc. "One day at a time"...
As for the other perspective. I was the child with a Mom who suffered from chronic pain. Mom had many medical conditions...DDD, Fibro (only diagnosed the last year of her life) nerve pain...as well as bipolar etc. There were many days where plans were canceled, she could not join us on family trips or they would be canceled. But I do believe that this has made me a more compassionate person. Yes, being a chronic pain sufferer myself brought on a whole new perspective. But I never looked at her pain as a burden. She was my Mom and I would help her in any way I could. As for your question about negative people..... I'll borrow what was one of my mom's favorite sayings... "negative people breed MIGRAINE HEADACHES...and lord knows I have enough of them!!"
|
|
|
|
||
| View More Posts Ignore |
AWESOME. . .as usual. . can I be your daughter????????? :)
BIG HUGSSSSSSSSSS Barb
|
|
|
|
||
| View More Posts Ignore |
Awsome Ouch! What you explained brings new meaning to the saying "theres a silver lining in every cloud".
Hugs, Rosanne
|
|
|
|
||
| View More Posts Ignore |
Thankyou so much for sending this to us. It really helps and is so true. And, we just talked about this in church today about how not blaming ourselves for our illness and loving ourselves the way God would, and maybe this is a way to help someone close to us understand and be able to help others.
|
|
|
|
||
| View More Posts Ignore |
Good post and enjoyed the link.Thanks.
|
|
|
|
||
| View More Posts Ignore |
Great post my friend. You hit the nail on the head. Sometimes our guilt trips are worst than the thing we feel guilty about. Healing starts within and spreads outward. A lesson for all of us.
Bless you and Pink.
|
|
|
|
||
| View More Posts Ignore |
OH THANK YOU!! I am a chronic pain patient and some days I just wanna wish it all away.
Bless you!! EllaBlue
|
|
|
|
||
| View More Posts Ignore |
Great Thread Doug, thanks...
It has been awhile since I've thought about all of this, but here goes... In 2000, both my husband and I were diagnosed with a virus in our blood, that was slowly killing us, but thank God we took the diagnosed seriously and dealth with it. We had to do a form of chemo for a total of 48 weeks, and this was the hardest thing we had ever experience in our lives. Our daughter at the time was only 8 years old, so first she saw her Dad sick like hell, losing weight rapidly and looking like a walking zombie. Then after one year of this, it was my turn to do the treatment. My parents, siblings, didn't want me to go thru the same hell my husband had, but I wanted to be free of this virus that was slowly destroying my liver, so I also did the 48 weeks journey. All thru this madness, we had a young daughter growing in our house, and today very much like your boys Doug, she can take care of herself, if needed, and also she has this gift, now that she is older, 15, she takes care of friends in need, we like to call her our little nurse, lol. Our darling child has turned into this beautiful young teenager, but knows how important it is to care for our body and soul. It took my husband approximately one year to get over treatment. As for myself, I am over 3 years post treatment, and in my case, not being the NORM of these nuclear drugs, I have developed all kinds of major health issues since doing tx. So we did get rid of this slowly killing virus in the end, but I was stuck with long term side effects, like chronic pain, lung problems, weight problems, brainfog, the list goes on and on. So I return to work after treatment, but needed daily pain killers due to the excruciating pain I was experiencing thru my entire body. Without the meds, I wouldn't have been able to get up in the morning, until almost a year later, I just couldn't do it anymore. Went to see my doctor and had a pneumonia, so my doctor put me on a sick leave from work, and we started slowly but surely getting answers to all of my new health issues, since tx. Today, 3 years later, I am not better, but I am happy and comfortable with the amount of pain medication I have to be able to deal with my daily activities. Also I no longer stay in bed feeling sorry for myself. I have several new doctors to the list besides my PCP, but at least I feel good that I am taking action accordingly, and getting my new way of life together. Now I do what I can, rest a bit, then start again, I have my little routine and do take special care of myself. Unlike a year ago, I feel much better about myself, and my family whom loves me unconditionally are here for me at all times. Being possitive is half the battle. One more thing, we learn to be more patient with ourselves. Again, Doug, Thank You for posting this wonderful thread. Mckenzie One day at the time
|
|
|
|
||
| View More Posts Ignore |
Thanks for this post.When I was able to work it was nothing for me to be doing work 24/7 most of the time and some of my family thought that I was a work aholic but I was just trying to provide a good life for my wife and our Nephew that was living with us at the time.I didn`t even have a thought that I would become disabled and not be able to work let alone be able to provide for my family.But know that I have time to think about everything I wonder if I made any kind of difference,the answer to that is I don`t know but I have a Nephew that calls me to ask what I think about things and none of them are concerning work but about life in general,so even though I have the pain and problems that this life has given me the greatest thing that I could have done is make a difference in that one persons life and to know that he will alway`s come to me with anything that is bothering him or even if he just wants to say hellow and ask how I am doing.That say`s everything to me when I look at what was going on in his life at the time that he came to stay with us.His Mom had passed away and his bio/dad didn`t even want him and the guy that was supposed to be taking care of him kidnapped him.I am glad that we were able to find him and to be a positive influence in his life.
Well I went on for to long so I will get off of here.Ouch,you are a good person and your family knows it.Bye the way I did feel like I let everyone down when I found out that I could not work anymore but life does go on and you learn to adapt to things in life,take care and keep in touch. Your friend, Monte
|
|
|
|
||
| First | Previous | Page: 1 2 3 | Next | Most Recent | Add Your Reply |
This was written two years ago now. It isn't something that will give you answers, maybe explain something. Pink …
THE 10 TOP REASONS I LOVE THIS SITE 1. I have found a wealth of information about Chronic Pain and treatments 2.I …
This a repost of an essay I wrote some time back. Older members here have rad this. I repost for the new members in …
