Child Support & Custody Support Group

Thats horrible! I have an ex who is trying everything he can to gain full custody of our 5 yr old (currently we have 50/50).He has called CPS countless times and even when so far as to accuse me brother of "touching" our daughter (that was supposed to have taken place back in 05. My daughter has gone through play therapy to explore this and they believe nothing happened). All the cases the tried to open were closed the day after he call. I hope you have the courage to continue the fight. Im here if you need anything.

Fighting for my daughter myself. So far all I've done was provide documentation, photo's, etc. My witnesses haven't even been talked to by anyone. All she's had is the claim of some "witnesses" and currently she has custody. There's even a child abuse investigation going on and she still has the kids. The investigation wasn't even started by me, I was told to bring the child into the ER, I did, and the doc and social worker saw enough to suspect abuse and medical neglect.

I'm still hopeful, but at the same time realist over the fact that it's just people that are in charge of the investigations and my child's safety (possibly very life).

The part I hate more than anything is the true "custody" while awarded to one person is actually handed off to some "third party". My Ex is %100 incapable physically to care for my daughter, so other people are actually raising her while the Ex is doing nothing but enjoying in home visitation.

Sounds like the same thing, if he has custody then he should be the responsible one to care for the children and if he's not available (getting redeployed) then the only other person that should be placed in charge of raising them should be the other parent, not a "third party".

The parents should raise their own kids if possible, family members (including new spouses I suppose) should be next. It's just sickening watching our kids getting handed out to strangers just because the Ex isn't available to be a parent anymore or doesn't want the job.

-Gil

Couple of things...did you willingly give him full custody? Do you have joint or does he get to make all the decisions?

1. Where I live it is frowned upon to live with someone and not be married. I wonder if you could bring this up where you live as a concern for a good environment for the children.

2. Can you provide a bigger place for the girls where they do not have to share a room with 2 other kids or can even have their own room?

3. He lives very close to you or his family does? In my custody agreement, if the parent with custody is not able to care for the kids at any time, the other parent gets 1st option to be with them instead of a sitter.

4. Is he really going away in January? What are the plans for the kids when he is gone? You need to try and get them back.

I don't know your whole situation but don't let him use intimidation to give him what he wants. Its your children. They are very young. Fight for them - its worth every penny. I know its expensive to have a lawyer but what else can you do? Never give up on your kids - fight tooth and nail if you think you can provide a better home and life for them.

Seriously consider why the court believed him over you. Judges are not stupid, blind or indifferent.

If there is good reason for him to have the children instead of you it might be better if you spent some time correcting those problems instead of fighting over something that can't be changed.

I'm so sorry! I do understand what you are going through, I am in the process of a divorce and custody battle with my husband as well, the court awarded him temporary custody and me with visitatin (supervised) he has lied and gotten his friends and family to lie about me as well. They claimed that we had a happy marriage with no problems, when they knew fully well that all we did was fight, especially in front of our 2 year old daughter. he has a lot of money and can hire whoever he wants and buys whoever he wants. He has been arrested for domestic viloence towards me, but those charges were miraculously dismissed not too long afterwards. I don't know what to do either, I don't have the mone to hire an attorney and i'm afraid i'm fighting a losing battle. If anyone has advice please let me know. Sometimes i feel like giving up, I have never spent more than 2 weeks away from my daughter until now and i am just falling apart

I feel for you. Please don't lose hope.Tjmv is right, that the girls don't have to wsleep 4 in a room if you could find some way for them to have their own space. Put yourself in a closet size space and give them the bedroom if you have to.

Yes, he's got an incredible set up with the girlfriend around, his family down the street and all the money.

My Ex did the same, except for the family who live out of state. But, he uses my older daughters for family babysitting, always taking them to BBQ's where they end up taking care of all the little ones while my EX sips cabernet and talks about the stress of raising three daughters. My Ex had 3 assault and batteries on me and one arrest for breaking in to my house while on a restraining order. But, he's a charming, well dressed white collar abuser who appears like a frightened three year old when confronted with the war crimes, asking countless police officers and counselors, "What can I do to make her happy? I try my hardest. She's just a passive-aggressive angry bitch." To which, they, of course, laugh at the term which he didn't even originate, and tell him he's on the cutting edge of parenting, a daimond in the rough. I'll say. He can work for the worldwide organization of INTEL while staying at home and raking the leaves while the girls are in school.
He clubs with a group called the "Captains of Men." But, the last time he was at this red meat eating gin and tonic sluggin event, he was the only one still married. At that point, the nne other men had been left by their lovely wives and they were counter sueing for sole custody, pressing lawsuits to remove alimony and sharing tips on "How to reduce child support, removing access to stock options and taking lesser jobs to prove financial parity. their current girlsfriends, with children or without, became their best supporters and surrogate mothers even when the real mothers lived down the street.

So, what should you do? Hire an investigator. Document " a week in the life of the children's loving father:" Track his financials as that is likely a great weakness. Get that person to collect his garbage and tape together the shredded papers of his probable porn, his illicit deals, his habits. It will be well-worth it.
I did this myself, only to find that he was having an affair with a 20 year in Paris, staying at the most expensive hotel, the Charles V, and wining and dining three women at the London Wine Bar while he was supposedly on a buisness trip. Get the cell records, call the motor vehicle with his records, get to know his neigbors. Unearth him for what he is.

Then, face the court, ask for a family study, engage with the pediatrician and teachers, coach the soccer team and stand alone, if you have to, in front of the world who he would like to think you have been absorbed in. Get under his skin, whether he's in Iraq or not. ID him for the weak man that he is and the father he's not.

Call Lundy Bancroft, ever respectful of a man who knows the mind of an abuser. Get yourself some counseling, write a book, keep a journal even if it's love letters to the children for later. And, pray for confusion on his part, as he'll slip at some point and then you'll see a puddle of a person who can't live his life without girlfriends and an enableing mother in the palm of his hands. I'm telling you, he'll have to straighten up and fly right.

I agree with orange county....why did they give him custody instead of you in the first place?

The reason why he got custody of the kids they said was i wasnt financially stable to keep the girls also i had no one here to "help" me also he had his family to lie about me and i all i had was my one sister that was with me all the time but they took what she said and threw it to the side trust me i wouldnt just give up my kids to that man i used to live with. I enrolled in school and now im on my way to a better job as for he is a better parent and all that jazz he is already trying to give the kids back because he is broke now cause i dont pay child support until 2010 and he is a better father please he wanted money and now he is broke thats why his parents moved down and his girlfriend is supporting him i did my faults but does not mean that im a bad mother