Child custody and guardianship are legal terms which are sometimes used to describe the legal and practical relationship between a parent and his or her child, such as the right of...
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Nervous about custody fight
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I'm in the process of divorce and fighting for sole custody of my 3 kids. I read about custody evaluators and had my lawyer motion for one. Almost 4 months later now and the report is coming out on the 30th. I'm confident, but not too confident.
My stbx was/is verbally/emotionally abusive. We all know how hard that is to prove. However, I have shown with recordings how he is trying to turn the kids against me by saying things like "everything happening is your mom's fault," "your mommy won't let me see you" (even though he has visitation, etc. Our marriage counselor spoke to the evaluator and is on my side totally. She thinks he has a personality disorder. During the evaluation, he called in at the last minute to reschedule one appointment, then completely missed 2 other appointments. Within the last 2 weeks I have had to file police reports due to one minor custodial interference (kids were brought back just over an hour late). But last week I had to have the police go to his house to enforce the court order and have him turn the kids over to me on my parenting day. The cop on the scene told me to get a restraining order against him. On top of all of this, he has refused to pay half of any of the expenses for the kids throughout the entire process saying he is broke, but I was able to provide his bank statements showing that he deposited well over $50k in 4 months! Our 15 year old did tell the evaluator that she wants to live with me. The other 2 are too young to have a say. I'm searching for some insight as to what others have gone through and what you think my chances are. I know the courts nowadays are strong for joint custody, but I can't see co-parenting with this abusive person. My worry is that he is one of those charming people that fool everyone. Our marriage counselor, whom I still see, says she doesn't think he can fool a forensic psychologist (the evaluator). What is it that others have found to be the thing that won their custody battles? Posted on 07/07/08, 12:07 am |
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I couldn't coparent with my x. He refused to contact me. I called him and left a message asking him to call me back THREE TIMES when daughter needed glasses. He never called me back. I finally just took her. He hasn't seen or spoken to them in over 6 months and we live in the same county. When we had the trial in Feb (it continued to March)...he agreed to me having sole custody to stop my testifying as to what I'd seen about his drug use while we were married. His attorney tried to say that I was trying to keep them from my x but I had emails that I had sent to x (begging for him to exercise visitation) proving otherwise.
The ONLY reason that I went after sole custody was because he wouldn't parent with me...wouldn't give his opinions about how the kids were raised or anything. I didn't want anything to come back and bite me in the rear if I made a decision (such as taking daughter to optomotrist) because he wouldn't return my calls. 
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It sounds like you're doing all the right things. He will be his own worst enemy in this and all you have to do is present the information to the court. Which of course is your attorneys job.
A court that leans towards joint custody does so only when both parents are capable. If you can prove what you've said I doubt very much if he'll get much more than visitation.
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I'm right there with ya in this. Fairly similar situation. Sounds like the evaluation turned out well. I've heard they're good in these cases, but I'm nervous as hell myself. What is the evaluator shows up on an off day, what if the Ex lies enough to convince em, etc.
Joint custody isn't an option in my case either. Mainly because both mother and child are both physically disabled completely and the child requires 24/7 care. I have a mountain of paperwork, medical documents, etc to prove those ends. The ex so far as basically violated a court order, filed separate papers and is using a restraining order to gain temp custody. Beyond the bad combination of physical disabilities there's more than a bit of mental/emotional issue's with my Ex. I'm hoping to hell that the evaluator sees thru it. From what I understand the evaluator is the eye's and ears of the court. I just hope the one I get is as clear headed and as good as ya got. The scariest part that I'm going thru right now is the Ex convinced the judge to give the restraining order as well as her attorney as already stated that the "lifting" heavy objects (like a child) are being "assisted" by a third party. Aka my 6 yo daughter is being handled while naked in the tub by a complete stranger not assigned by the state or the courts. And yes, one of the first things I'm doing when I get her back is to watch for any signs of abuse and get her checked out immediately if she shows signs of anything wrong. In my state joint custody can not be granted unless both parents agree. I for one will never agree to that due to the simple safety issue's. I can never agree to place my child in harms way like that, it's killing me now just thinking that it's happening right now. As I'm typing this there could very well be a strange man staring at her naked body, touching her, etc.... well off topic there, but hope the evaluator will consider things like that as well. -Gil
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I am in the process of going through ANOTHER custody battle with a very unstable person. This part of divorce is no fun. I think that if your 15 year old said that she wanted to be with you then I think there could be a very good outcome for you. If you ever need someone to talk to I am here. I just signed up here to have a place where I can go to talk to people who understand, it always helps. Take care and best wishes to you! Sandy
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