A voluntary caregiver is the modern terminology for an unpaid spouse, relative, friend or neighbor of a disabled person or child who assists with activities of daily living and ass...
|
court ordered guardianship
|
Watch this |
| View More Posts |
do any of you have that for a loved one? i had to go through a trial, with a jury, and 3 specialists that evaluated my mom and swore in court that she is unable to make decisions of any kind due to the severe global aphasia from the stroke. 12 jurors deliberated for 2 hours, going over the medical records from the stroke and the testimony of the specialists, who all said mother was in no way able to understand 95% of what is said to her and that her answers would be a literal crap shoot, might be right, might be wrong. when they came back it was unanimous to give me guardianship, and it was written as no limits medical and financial. i asked what did that mean, the judge said that basicaslly i am her voice, since i had already sat with her everyday for a yr i probably know how to "read"her and that i will speak for her and even over rule what she says and no one can go against it. have any of you done this? i am now in the struggle of making the nursing home staff understand that even though when they ask my mom if she needs her diaper changed and she says no, which she always says, they need to check her her, not ask. i have a picture on my phone camera of her sitting in her chair and feces all the way up to her shoulders, i smelled it the minute i walked in, i asked her if she neded changed she said no, i called tech and nurse and asked them when was the last time they check her nurse said"i asked her if she needed changed and she said no" i told nurse to go look at her back side, and then told her that is why you do not ask, you check. i will show that picture to the administrator. she cant use utinsils, her right side is paralyzed, she was right handed, and left side is weak and uncordinated from second stroke so she is suppose to have finger foods, she wont let anyone feed her. she wants to feed herself. i get there tonight, she had jello pie, turnips greens, mashed sweet potatoes and two pieces of bread a glob of penutbutter on one piece and glob of jelly on the other and made into sandwhich. i called nurse, who got mad cause she said that is dietary job, i told her i was insrtucted to call her first, dietary comes in and says that is finger foods, she can pick that food up with her hand, excuse me? i picked the jello pie up, it slipped though my fingers like soup, the turnipgreens, same thing, didnt go any further, dismissed her and took the tray to the admin and asked her if this is her version of finger foods. she asked where did i get that tray, i showed her the ticket with my mothers name on it and asked her exactly how is she suppose to eat these foods with her fingers and told her to take a look at that sandwhich, i would not feed to a starving dog. as i left the office i heard her tell the assistant to get dietary there right now, lol! hope she got her asss chewed for that. they need to just get her up in her chair for a couple of hours everyday, do not ask, just do it, i have a schedule in the care plan, not being followed. i do give leeway, if mother is just very fussy about getting up or going back to bed then try later, but she can not lay in bed everyday unless there is a documented medical reason for it. one day ok, second day, there better be a medical reason. too many things happen when someone is left in bed everyday. anyways, they told me they wanted to have a metting tomorrow about all the other bs and to discuss my guardianship, as if they have some kind of say. the judge told me that as long as what i decide will not harm my mother or deprive her of her needs being met and that my actions are to keep her safe and well taken care of then no one can over rule me. the admin at nursing home thinks i am an idiot i think, i have been doing this with mother for 3 yrs, they tell me she understands everything they say and they understand her completely, bull! she cant even tell you my name most of the time, idiots. if i walk in there and they have a lawyer in there, i am going to listen to what they consider the definition of my guradianship is and then adjourn the meeting telling them i will let them know what date i am available again with my own representation. idiots. my mom had therapy for a full yr, nothing, not anything got throught to her, they want to eval her for speech and all the other bs she went through and could not grasp. idiots. When God takes her out of this misery i will be so grateful for her, and then i will be certified to advocate for other people like her that nursing homes think they know what is best and they do not have a fricken clue. everyone knows all nursing homes are the same. i went through this exact same thing for the first three months after i got the court order, after three months of me first tring to be nice, then being firm and explaining my guardianship, then just telling them, do as i say or i will have the judge come and explain to them exactly what she meant when she gave me the guardianship they started listening to me. guess i will ask the judge to write a letter or something telling them to back off and do their jobs like the law says for them to do. idiots.
Posted on 07/17/08, 11:07 pm |
| 8 Replies | Add Your Reply |
| View More Posts |
keep going to the administrator everyday if you have to! i don't get how nursing homes can get away with this inhumane treating of living breathing humans! it is absolutely disgusting!!!!! 
|
|
|
|
||
| View More Posts |
The more I hear about the situation with your mother, the more disgusted I get. You read in the news about the shortage of healthcare workers, and how in the next decade, with all the babyboomers and such, it is only going to get catastophic. I honestly feel that is comes down to one thing...people just don't care about anyone but themselves, and don't put family first, making this vacuum that leaves people neglected and alone. This country has gone to pot on the moral standards it once had, and I believe that if people realized they need to get out of their personal bubble and see that they need to step up and do what they can to make it better. If everyone was even 2% committed as you are to your mother, this would be a great country. People taking care of loved ones, getting thecare they deserve, and no one left to rot. The people who care for others should have to pass a test that verifies they will truly care for those in their charge, and not just for a paycheck. Why? Why do people put their conscience aside when they see someone who needs their help? Your mom sitting there in her own feces, and the nurse turning a blind eye makes me sick. I admire your tenacity to ensure the appropriate rightful care your mother deserves, and more people should be downright ashamed (like your siblings) they are so damn selfish. You are one of the "pros" on this board, and share a plethora of info with us, and I wish I could be of any help. I guess all I can offer is my support and encouragement to forge ahead with your mission. I hope that in the future, and I have more experience as a nurse, I can offer concrete solutions and advice. I wish I could help more. Just know that others truly care, and share in your angst. Keep posting and hang in there.
|
|
|
|
||
| View More Posts |
we had BIG meeting, i showed admin pictures i had taken of my mom siting in feces up to her shoulders, and she was in her chair, not bed! i am also bringing in Hospice, so mmother will get one on one care, she should qualify. the only thing that got under my skin is them saying they can only find two times my mom ws given adivan and they disagree with er dx, well, i told them i dont doubt that, but i can tell you right now that atleast twice a week a nurse would tell me i just gave your mom adivan, if they dont document it not my problem and that they need to remember that the last state inspection on them had a list as long as my arm of the state finding meds not being passed or given and not documented so its not like its something new in the facility, they have a record of that problem, but hospice will help alot! give me a little piece of mind and they can over rule nursing home staff, thank God. they also defended the dr, saying that when i told nurse to go ahead and call dr but i still wanted an ambulance, he took it as being fired, i asked what part of " i want an ambulance" says "you are fired?" they even said they are going to question hospital about documenting mother as over sedated, i told them good luck with that, they did a drug test urine and blood, how can both be wrong? but give it your best shot. no explination about missing pain patch or mothers tv being damged. they also wanted to discuss my guardianship, i stopped them dead in their tracks, gave them the 3 evals on my mom that was used for jury trial for me to get guardianship and the order itself that states no limits, and told them judge explained to me that it meant that as long as my actions are to make sure my mother is safe and taken care of, not endangering her, then NO ONE can over rule me. shut them up real, real fast. i went through this in last nursing home, they finally got the picture, but after i got married and moved away they started doing whatever they wanted cause i was not able to be there everyday. this place will get it together with my mom, cause i will not back down, and i have already talked on a personal level with hospice and am so grateful to IamaStar for telling me about it, it will help me so much, and help my mother even more. instead of waiting for her to become unresponsive due to UTI hospice will learn the first signs she shows for UTI and will orer test and anibiotics before it gets to point of visit to er. thank God!
|
|
|
|
||
| View More Posts |
one more thing, CharityV and everyone else, your support has been such a blessing for me, and, wanted to add that when siblings found out i called hospice they had a fit (idiots) and my dad told them to keep their mouths shut cause they have no right to say anything as long as they sit on their asses and do nothing to help me with mother. daddy is thrilled mother will have a one on one assistant to help make sure her needs asre met, and i talked to my mom and she seemed happy about it oo and thats all that matters, i dont care what my sisters say or think as long as they sit from afar and try to tell me how to do things, 2 of the 3 of them have not seen mother since xmax, and the other comes once every 4 to 6 weeks, she lives 10 minutes away and comes to the area eery weekend, so to hell with them. they will have to bare that cross when the time comes. me, i will fall to pieces when the time comes, but, i will hold my head high knowing i gave all that i could for mother and addy when they needed it.
big hugs to you all!
|
|
|
|
||
| View More Posts |
I so wish I could do more for you! I wish I could be there as one of the staff, and help. Or even as a volunteer in your stead. You are such a strong woman, I admire your ability to take the reins and demand change. Like I said, I wish I could do more. You vent to me anytime, honey. I'm here for you, and will support you if nothing else and hope that it helps...Take care of yourself.
|
|
|
|
||
| View More Posts |
Priscilla, I thought my mom's nursing home situation was less than acceptable, but yours really takes the cake. How horrible.
Is there no other nursing home near you that you would feel better having your mom in? I mean, I know it's hard to move them, but geez, this one has got to be the bottom of the barrel. When we chose one for my mom, we went to a website that compared nh's in our area, they were rated by the state, with their inspections and complaints, it was pretty accurate. In my experience, no nursing home is like "home", but there has to be one better for your mom than the one she is now...no? Enough is enough.
|
|
|
|
||
| View More Posts |
actually i did the same thinnk, and the one she is in now has the highest ranking, believe it or not, the closest one with a better ranking is 45 minutes away, i wont move her, in tn the law is they have to adapt to my mother, my mother does not have to adapt to them. you know whast, the one and only problem with this nursing home is me, they are not used to having someone that has guardianship, big diff between court ordered guardianship and poa over a nursing home resident, like the judge told me, as far as the way things are done for my mom, i AM my mom, i am her voice. this nursing home just isnt used to having a family member be as relentless as i am, i did my homeowrk when mother got sick and learned enough to know what i can and can not demand. like i know i can tell them certain staf memers are not allowed to work with mother if they hae done something that should not have been donbe or was careless or halfassed did the job, which i have laready had one forbidden to even enter her room for her smarting off to me when i asked her to change my mother, she messed up and did it in front of a nurse and i guess she thought the nurse would not say anything, the nurse grabbed her buy her arm and pulled her into shower room and got all over her, nurse told me, "i am not suppose to tell you this, but she was so disrespectful i told her she beter never do it again" i went straight to DON and had it set so she cant do anything for my mom anymore. nurse today told me that the hospice i called are great and usually come everyday, thank God! not sure if i invited any of you but just incase i didnt, i posted a short video of my mom and my 6 week old grand daughter on my myspace profile main page www.myspace.com/priscilah check it out, you will love it! thanks again for all of your support
|
|
|
|
||
| View More Posts |
Your mom and dad are so lucky to have you Priscila! Keep on the nursing home. I hope they come around and your mom gets better care.
|
|
|
|
||
a few months after my mom had her first stroke i had to go get full guardianship of her, in the court jury trial it was …
well, i got a call yesterday that the staff at the nursing home had injured my moms paralyzed foot by running it over …
mother had a massive stroke 3 yrs ago, i watched her stroke out in the hospital bed. i will never forget that day as …
