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Saturday October 11, 2008
STORY WALL
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Journal Entry for October 7, 2008
i can't stop...i can't do anything or i need to do it all...i've been cutting on my stomach and my wrist...i want to keep going...i went out to the kitchen and saw a note from my roommate...by: Ellocin
an Inspirational Story
3 Comments
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More »MEMBER PHOTOS
More »LATEST STORIES
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i can't stop...i can't do anything or i ne...
Ellocin Oct 07, 2008
Journal Entry for October 7, 2008
Tuesday, October 7, 2008
i can't stop...i can't do anything or i need to do it all...i've been cutting on my stomach and my wrist...i want to keep going...i went out to the kitchen and saw a note from my roommate asking me to do dishes...but all i can think when i am out there is what knife is the sharpest and will do the most damage...even going so far as to try some of them out...this is not good... I...3 Comments -
...do i really need to say anything...
Ellocin Oct 07, 2008
Journal Entry for October 7, 2008
Tuesday, October 7, 2008
...do i really need to say anything...2 Comments -
Took a double dose of my oxazepam so I'd sleep...
Ellocin Oct 07, 2008
Journal Entry for October 7, 2008
Tuesday, October 7, 2008
Took a double dose of my oxazepam so I'd sleep and it barely worked....but did sleep enough. Woke up wishing that basically i had died in my sleep....obviously no such luck. I know I should be turning to God and reading the Bible and all that...but I don't even have it in me to bother. I just don't really care. It's all i can do to even write here. I ...3 Comments -
I've been thinking more about my feelings towa...
DRenS Oct 07, 2008
Tuesday, October 7, 2008 |
I've been thinking more about my feelings towards my friend. And now I'm feeling more like maybe my feelings aren't fading so much as the "high" you feel when you first fall for someone is gone. You know, when you first fall for someone, you can't think about too much else other than them. You're kind of obsessed with them. Your hormones are crazy. And those are the ...
1 Recommendation -
I am very happy to report that I have started bein...
DRenS Oct 07, 2008
Tuesday, October 7, 2008 |
I am very happy to report that I have started being more proactive with all the things I've needed to get done. In my last entry, I wrote about applying for several jobs. I heard back from one yesterday that they are no longer seeking applicants. I hate getting those kind of messages, although I know a lot of people get angry when they don't hear back from employers one way or the other. ...1 Recommendation -
Well this is my first journal here. Not sure...
doyouthink Oct 07, 2008
Tuesday, October 7, 2008 |
Well this is my first journal here. Not sure what to talk about so I will just bitch a little about my life.
First I know I have a decent life. I own a home, have two great children and I am employed.
However I hate my job and for most of the time it seems I hate my home. My boss is a bully who loves to put fear in you through ultimatims (sp) and some really weird request....1 Recommendation -
how is it that i could feel so good yesterday and ...
Ellocin Oct 06, 2008
Journal Entry for October 6, 2008
Monday, October 6, 2008
how is it that i could feel so good yesterday and so awful today....i don't understand...I was so happy for a few days and had more then my usual energy level and was getting things done, today I just feel like hiding from the world and like i should rid the world of my existance. To the point I've actually thought about taking an overdose...but then I remember all the times I'v...2 Comments -
Ick.... a sister with a very bad herniated disc. F...
inezj Oct 06, 2008
Journal Entry for October 6, 2008
Monday, October 6, 2008
Ick.... a sister with a very bad herniated disc. Four kids to care for. I lost a day of work due to it. (She visited with neurosurgeons, 2 today). The bf is lacking my presence and it taking its toll on both of us. Life may not give us the chance. That brings an overwhelming sadness to me. Economically things aren't great for all around not just me. Downsizing is increasing the workload and n... -
Not feeling so good today. Not sure what my ...
Ellocin Oct 06, 2008
Journal Entry for October 6, 2008
Monday, October 6, 2008
Not feeling so good today. Not sure what my problem is. Feeling urges today to cut and I don't know why...feeling anxious today and I don't know why. I know I had a really hard time waking up today even though I got enough sleep so maybe my body is telling me to have a nap or something. I don't know. My psychiatrist called this morning to give me the head...1 Comment -
Video about two guys who left college and their co...
Ellocin Oct 05, 2008
Journal Entry for October 5, 2008
Sunday, October 5, 2008
Video about two guys who left college and their comfortable lives to spend a few months living on the streets. The main guy in the film is the author of one of my favorite books called Under the Overpass which talks about their experiences on the streets and how there is a disconnect between what Jesus taught in the Bible and how they were treated by some churches. It's really a g...1 Comment -
Wow, I sat down to write here at around noon and i...
Ellocin Oct 05, 2008
Journal Entry for October 5, 2008
Sunday, October 5, 2008
Wow, I sat down to write here at around noon and it's 8:30pm now and I still haven't written. That's okay though because I haven't been sitting here most of that time. I started my usual morning routine...immunofirst pill...toe soak in formalin...greens+ shake...and then company arrived. My mom, my aunt, and my cousin and her daughter all stopped in. They h... -
So much on my mind I don't know were to start....
Ellocin Oct 04, 2008
Journal Entry for October 4, 2008
Saturday, October 4, 2008
So much on my mind I don't know were to start.
I've decided to put some extra effort into the whole not using the credit cards. Darn it's hard to stop even though I really mainly use it for necessities. I saw one of my credit cards is almost maxed out and that scares me so I am determined to work at bringing the debt down and not use it unless I absolutely have to.&n...2 Comments
Journal Entry for October 7, 2008
Tuesday, October 7, 2008
i can't stop...i can't do anything or i need to do it all...i've been cutting on my stomach and my wrist...i want to keep going...i went out to the kitchen and saw a note from my roommate asking me to do dishes...but all i can think when i am out there is what knife is the sharpest and will do the most damage...even going so far as to try some of them out...this is not good... I...3 Comments -
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More »MEMBERS IN NEED
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One of my fav songs by breaking benjamin called shallowbay.
Breaking Benjamin- shallowbay
Come on
The sun will rise
Another time
The colors blind
Your virgin eyes
I'm so inclined
To make you mine
You're out of line
And out of time
And I float upon a shallow bay
Lift me up until the ground gives way
I'm a California castaway
I don't think you wanna fuck with me
Don't over kill
This painless t...1 Recommendation2 Comments
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More »INSPIRATIONAL STORIES
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As I have not been able to turn the tide on my weight-loss in the past few weeks (I originally lost 9lbs and have put back on 6lbs) I need to try a different tack and have decided to join the local Slimming World. I have chosen them rather than Weight Watchers, because I don't think counting points would suit me - why add something else you have to count - I just want to eat ...1 Recommendation2 Comments
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More »POETRY CORNER
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I am becoming all sentimental... bare with men.......
colored_c... Feb 12, 2008
Journal Entry for February 12, 2008
Tuesday, February 12, 2008 |
I am becoming all sentimental... bare with men....
I Will Not Die an Unlived Life, Dawna Markova
I will not die an unlived life
I will not live in fear
of falling or catching fire.
I choose to inhabit my days,
to allow my living to open me,
to make me less afraid,
more accessible,
to loosen my heart
until it becomes a wing,
a torch, a promise.
I cho...2 Recommendations7 Comments -
Now I'm at RDU. My flight is delayed 75 m...
Netminder Jun 13, 2008
Friday, June 13, 2008 |
Now I'm at RDU.
My flight is delayed 75 minutes.
I just finished the WORST chicken nachos in the Southeast and two glasses of flat Sprite.
I drank Glen Livet Scotch for the first time last night.
My throat still burns.
But it's a GOOD burn.
I might be home.........soon.........
I miss you all.1 Recommendation3 Comments -
Some hope, and some despair Resting on your should...
FANTASTIC... Mar 03, 2008
Journal Entry for March 3, 2008
Monday, March 3, 2008
Some hope, and some despair Resting on your shoulder. And it laughs in your face.
the printed word might kill you, The whispering, May hurt you. Who am I that I come to be here...?
Just the bad things, oh...There must be something
Horribly wrong with me ?
The sanest days are mad Everyone's oh so quick with advice. Cruel imagination is still giving me pain. Sometimes I ri...3 Recommendations1 Comment -
I'm SOO happy! I have a new boyfriend, Cory. H...
izzyandjbj Jul 05, 2008
Saturday, July 5, 2008
I'm SOO happy! I have a new boyfriend, Cory. He's so sweet and gentile and kind. I care about him so much and he has been fabulous with me over the past 9 days (since I was hurt).
Anywho I wrote this poem:
Sweet wind strokes his long blonde hair
Kissing his tender lips
Like I kiss his lips
He gently caresses my face with his hand
And I tangle my fingers in his hair
He whispers to me so soft
And ...2 Recommendations1 Comment -
God sent him to me from aboveTo always care for me...
jacci Apr 04, 2008
Friday, April 4, 2008 |
God sent him to me from above
To always care for me with nothing but love
Though distance between us is so great at times
May there be no mountain that he’s not willing to climb
Always in my thoughts, never off my mind
May this man be gentle, thoughtful and always kind
Never written a poen in my entire life, not bad for a Dyslexic hey ?1 Recommendation2 Comments -
THIS SONG WAS IN SHREK AND ITS GORGEOUS AND I LOVE...
Charmbrac... Jul 27, 2008
Sunday, July 27, 2008 |
THIS SONG WAS IN SHREK AND ITS GORGEOUS AND I LOVE IT.
Well I heard there was a secret chord
That David played, and it pleased the Lord
But you don't really care for music, do ya?
Well it goes like this
The fourth, the fifth
The minor fall and the major lift
The baffled king composing Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Well Your faith was strong but you needed proof
You saw...1 Recommendation1 Comment -
When you goDon't ever think, i...
Charmbrac... Jul 22, 2008
I Dont Love You by My Chemical Romance (great song)
Tuesday, July 22, 2008 |
When you go
Don't ever think, i'll make you try to stay
And maybe when you get back, i'll be off to find another way.
And after all this time, you still are the, you're still the
Good-for-nothing i am not.
So take your gloves and get out,
Better get out, while you can.
*chorus*
When you go,
Would you even turn to say,
"i don't love you,
Like i did,
Yesterday."
Sometimes i c...1 Recommendation1 Comment -
"The Reason"I'm not a pe...
Charmbrac... Jul 22, 2008
Tuesday, July 22, 2008 |
"The Reason"
I'm not a perfect person
There's many things I wish I didn't do
But I continue learning
I never meant to do those things to you
And so I have to say before I go
That I just want you to know
I've found out a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
and the reason is you
I'm sorry that I hurt you
It's something I must live with eve...1 Recommendation1 Comment -
Suffering by Fibrosurvivor2—Nikki ...
fibrosurv... Apr 15, 2008
Poem: Suffering by Fibrosurvivor2--Nikki
Tuesday, April 15, 2008 |
Suffering by Fibrosurvivor2—Nikki
Suffering is a chore
A challenge
A force to be reckoned with
It is hard to explain
The pain that I feel
The aches
The sharp spikes of unbelievable discomfort
I cannot imagine
Living this way forever
It seem unfathomable
Unbelievable it so many ways
I wish that others could see
Could understand that I am normal too
I just have some challenges
Hard to handle
But their he...1 Recommendation1 Comment -
Imagine a drop of rainfalling into a pool of...
colored_c... Mar 18, 2008
Tuesday, March 18, 2008 |
Imagine a drop of rain
falling into a pool of water,
sinking long and deep, becoming
one with the whole.
while on the surface begins the circles
that intertwine and quietly spread into eternity.
And after a while it is impossible to tell
that anything ever disturbed the surface.
Yet it's depth has been increased by one.
and the whole has been strengthenedby one.
And our lives are like the drop of...1 Recommendation1 Comment -
Beauty from Pain http://www.youtube.com...
blue22 Sep 02, 2008
Tuesday, September 2, 2008 |
Beauty from Pain
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0BP7KMrPp3g1 Recommendation -
I'm so tired of being hereSuppress...
Charmbrac... Jul 18, 2008
Friday, July 18, 2008 |
I'm so tired of being here
Suppressed by all my childish fears
And if you have to leave
I wish that you would just leave
'Cause your presence still lingers here
And it won't leave me alone
These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase
[Chorus:]
When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd ...1 Recommendation
Journal Entry for February 12, 2008
Tuesday, February 12, 2008 |
I am becoming all sentimental... bare with men....
I Will Not Die an Unlived Life, Dawna Markova
I will not die an unlived life
I will not live in fear
of falling or catching fire.
I choose to inhabit my days,
to allow my living to open me,
to make me less afraid,
more accessible,
to loosen my heart
until it becomes a wing,
a torch, a promise.
I cho...2 Recommendations7 Comments -
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