Breastfeeding is the process of a woman feeding an infant or young child with milk from her breasts. Babies have a sucking reflex that enables them to suck and swallow milk. Also i...
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When Breastfeeding doesn't happen...
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I write this in hopes to share my story and reach out to so many women who find themselves depressed when breastfeeding for one reason or another doesn't work. I have 3 children,2 boys and 1 girl, I intended to solely breastfeed each child,each time I wound up with a starving child, sore and cracked nipples,a raging case of mastitis,nights of many tears, and a feeling of inadequecy as a mother when I had to turn to the bottle. I went to a lactation consultant with both of my boys only to leave even more depressed and angry when the main information I was given was how I had to breastfeed no matter the pain or lack of sleep, there was never any problem solving or even much compassion.Until today, my daughter is 8 days old and I have been deadset on making breastfeeding work,I've not offered a pacifier,no bottle and offered her the breast at ever wimper, until 3 days ago everything seemed fine, she seemed satisfied she was peeing,pooping,sleeping,etc,then my nipples began to get sore, then it cracked, then she spit up a little blood, then she didn't poop, then the doctor said she still hadn't gained any weight,she lost 13 oz,I tried pumping and at most I pumped barely 2 oz in about 45 minutes, my daughter was really sleepy, I even had to wake her several times to make her eat, I went to see a lactation consultant, she watched my nurse my daughter for 50 minutes, in that time she could tell she stated nursing strong and swallowed a little then after a while she wasn't swallowing and she bagan sucking less and less and got tired and just went to sleep, we found in the time period she only took in 24 grams of milk,needless to say the nurse took time to really listen to me,she asked tons of questions she observed a lot and found that I am not supplying much milk at all, and that my daughter is burning more calories by nursing then she is taking in,I have to supplement because she obviously isn't even getting enough to sustain her weight let alone gain anything, the nurse was so careful about how she worded everything and made sure I knew that this was all my decision she wasn't the typical lactation consultant that only offers you info about breastfeeding,she told me that for my milk supply to be brought up I would require medication(although there are some herbs too)but it would be diff because most of them cause you to get milk fast and you become engourged and I would have to nurse or pump frequently to enusre I don't become engorged because I have had a history of mastitis and am on the verge of getting it now, she was honest and didn't hide certain details just to make certain I still chose to breastfeed, the nurse also said that she can't prove it but she's almost sure that this is the exact reason that breastfeeding didn't work for me before either, so I put myself through hell for months for something that was really out of my control! I felt like I should share this because breastfeeding isn't easy especially when it doesn't come as naturally as it's commercialized to, it's hard work and it's devastating when you can't do it,I wanted to let other mothers know that sometimes it's out of your hands, and when it comes down to it it is a mother's choice, you know in your heart what the right decision is for YOUR baby, I know that I looked for more stories from mom's who had struggled with breastfeeding and I always heard more from mom's who only breastfed and didn't have any problems,it would have really helped me to see more of the stories of mom's that gave it their all and still had to turn to the bottle, I felt so alone
Posted on 01/26/08, 02:01 am |
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I am sorry you had to go thru this again... Breastfeeding is alot of hard work (worthwhile work, but hard none the less) They make it seem like its the easy "convenient" choice and I know all to well the personal guilt you feel when you go from the breast to the bottle. You have to look hard for the stories of women who struggled with breastfeeding because its such a guiltful thing to talk about. I remember the first month with Tayla the pain and stressful days/nights when I couldnt tell if I was producing enough and even if I was I didnt think I was. You gave it your all (which is more than most moms do) and no one should hold any judgement of the fact that you went for the bottle (this includes yourself too! btw) I am so glad you got a good consultant this time that took the time to listen. I hope you are doing alright! 
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I'm so sorry. I feel your pain, not exactly, but I can relate. I know more women who don't/didn't breastfeed than I do who are/did. Many women I know started and quit because it's HARD and sometimes just doesn't work no matter how hard you try (as you know - you gave it your ALL). I also know many who never even tried because of the horror stories. I would have quit the first time if I hadn't had a good lactation consultant - my son was also losing weight. The second time I did quit because for many reasons - I was struggling with PPD, my son screamed all the time, my DH wasn't really supportive (he saw me struggling and just wanted to fix it with a bottle), my nipples were so sore I thought they were going to fall off, and I had one of those Nazi lactation consultants who did nothing to help me. I'm at peace with my choice to formula feed my second son now, and I hope you can be, too. Again, I'm sorry you tried SO hard and it still didn't work - anyone who judges you should mind their own business.
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Breastfeeding is really not easy! I have wanted to give up on more than one occassion. SOre nipples constant feedings with no break from the kiddies, worring weather I am pumping enough for the two to eat the next day at daycare. having everyone walk in on me inthe bathroom while I am pumping, its enough to drive a woman mad! We had a rough start too because they were preemies, My lactation consultant was a lifesaver!!! We would've switched a long time ago if it hadn't been for her. And we still bottle feed alot breastmilk and formula. Sometimes you just have to have a break!
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I just wanted to say that your story is exactly my story. You said it like it is! I starved two kids before the doctor made me give them bottles, because I thought nursing was the end-all and be-all. With my third child I got smarter and realized that what really counts is nourishing them--physically and emotionally--and at the first sign of him being hungry, I supplemented. I tried everything: pumping, herbs, teas, even the SNS which is a royal pain. But my wise pediatrician for my third child gave me the greatest advice. He said, "Just enjoy it! Whatever he gets, it's a benefit." And I did. With my fourth child, who's now nine months, I have a happy balance of nursing and bottleing. He always nurses before the supplement, and that works great with me. I have more milk than ever before and I take it easy. It's fun when you don't have to feel so pressured!
Thanks for being so honest about this very painful topic. I also felt very alone--very inadequate as a woman, until I realized there are more of us out there, though the lactation consultants will never admit it!
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Thanks for sharing your story. I am currently nursing my third baby and thankfully THIS time it's going smoothly. But my first was a premie and never got the hang of nursing.I felt like such a failure. She was 6 wks early and I didn't nurse her, I had huge amts of guilt until I realized that as long as she was getting nutrition thats all that matters. I'm so glad that you've found a good lactation consultant. I hope you and your little one have many months of nursing!!!
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With my first who is now 4 I intended to breast feed and expected it to be easy and this was what was healthy based on what I read....Well it was not easy, he did not take to it, and I was so sore and stressed out. I felt bad cause everytime he wanted to eat I just crinched! Well I even quit for 2 days cause I was so overwhmelmed when we came home from the hospital. Then I felt so guilty I told my BF I need to try again I did not put enough effort into it so with his help we yet again attempted to breast feed. It was hard, exhasuting, and alot of work but I did it and I was never so proud. I try to tell new moms its not always easy but was it worth it? For me yeah! My next child was a natural and I was fortunate. I was ready for the work remebering all we went through with my son but she took to it easily which was such a relief...SIGH
Then there is my current daughter who was not a natural breast feeder so yet again I had to put much effort into the task. She is my 3rd so this time I never stressed I was aggravated at times but we worked at it calmly and she too managed to take to it after much hard work. But I was more relaxed so not nearly as aggravated this time around. I was confident that she would get it and she did..Now she won't take the bottle and I have to go back to work PT:( I feel we should all do whats best and no one should judge you for that. You tried your hardest so do not feel guilty. I feel fortunate to have breast fed all 3 kids and we are now done but many want to breast feed and can't.
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i amstill breastfeeding but my mum who gave birth 8 days later could not carry on breastfeeding for other reasons.
He was feeding fine there for a da and a half he seemed like he wasn't getting any milk and was really hungry. he ended up not even swallowing.. Mum got really worried and asked me to feed him to see if he swallowed sure enough he latched on like a very hungry baby and had a ery good feed. We went to the doctors and mum had to get some bloodsd done it tured out she had beenlosing her milk cause her liver was playing up and not doing anything at all right... She was too sick to produce milk. She was heartbroken by having been told he had to go onto a bottle but her love conquered that knowing that he needed it.. She still misses that connection with him but there is still that special connection and always will be.. Some people chose not to b/f others have no choice. I will always understand and respect a mothers decision for how hey feed their baby. You story is a story that I know I will always remember.. Thank you Reen xx
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Thank you Reen, I wrote this so that the flip side would be out there, it's not always easy,it doesn't always happen without a fight!THanks for your comment
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I feel for you, I really do. I can recall like it was yesterday, sitting on my bed with my wailing infant in my arms.... struggling with breastfeeding and sobbing to my husband "I can't even do what is supposed to come naturally to every mother!". Breast feeding is a learned skill. With my first, I had a horrible time. I suffered from everything and anything. I became very close to my lactation consultant (if it weren't for her, I would not have survived). But she was my first, and I had nothing but time and energy to focus on conquering this demon called breastfeeding! And it was because I have a stubborn streak. I had decided when I had her I would nurse her for 3 months and then re-evaluate. But once I had so many problems.... I was damned if I was giving up unless I said I was ready to give up.
With my 2nd, I thought it would be a breeze. I felt like a combat veteran. But I had my own set of issues with her.... and it wasn't easy. With my 3rd.... a whole other set of issues. Bottom line, if I had experienced all the problems I had with my first with my 2nd or 3rd, there is NO WAY I would have nursed them or stuck to it. NO WAY. It is heartbreaking when you want to nurse your baby and you have so many road blocks and hurdles to overcome. But you did everything humanly possible. Doesn't mean you love your baby any less. As moms, we do the best we can. And as my pediatrician always says .... a happy home begins with a happy mommy. If mommy is sitting around exhausted from 24/7 pumping, bleeding nipples, mastitis, etc. how can she be a happy mommy? You did the right thing. Good luck to you and don't beat yourself up over this.
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