Divorce or dissolution of marriage is the ending of a marriage before the death of either spouse. The main causes of divorce in 2004, according to a recent study, were extra-marita...
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So are we hypocrits?
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I was reading a post and saw phrases like...
well, he's twice divorced two time loser, etc. Now, I'd probably say the same exact things, so I'm not critisizing, its just that I don't want to look at myself as a 1 time loser. I honestly did the best i could to try and make my marriage work. He was/is not willing to sacrifice anything on his end. Does this make me a 1 time loser? See, its remarks like this that lower our self esteem I think. I still somehow feel as though I "failed" in my marriage, even though I have been willing to do whatever it takes to save it. I can't change the fact the stbx doesn't want to try. Does that really make me a loser in marriage? I don't think so. But these are the comments that really hurt, I think, and cause a person to feel shame for what they are going through. Posted on 10/02/07, 08:10 am |
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This is a great commentary. I totally agree. We are made by society to feel that we have somehow failed because we are divorced. However, in many cases there was a tremendous effort to save the marriage before resorting to divorce. Especially in this forum, we should be very understanding of the many contributors to divorce and not look down on someone who has been divorced. 
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I'm in agreement to.
Funny, I was married the first time very young and for all the wrong reasons. I quickly figured this out and got out before he had a 2nd chance to physically abuse me. When I became engaged to my 2nd husband, his best friend made this very statement about me, that I was a looser because I was divorced and to really rethink his marraige proposal. Guess what happened? My marraige ended when my husband passed away from a terminal illness. This very same person who told my husband this, ended up twice divorced and guess why...HE HAD 2 AFFAIRS...Ironic isn't it???
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I don't think any of us are winners or losers, certainly not when there are children involved. The term lose, in my opinion, is dedicated to them alone.
I choose to look at my marriage as a stepping stone in life that will ultimately help me become the person I was meant to be. Everything happens for a reason, and for whatever that might have been, my husband was in my life for a reason and vice versa.
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I dont feel like a loser, Yes I lost my husband, I lost my future but it was not my choice. I may not have tried as hard as I should have to save it but I am the one who is paying the price for it. I have lost this battle but somehow I will win the war. I hope that I will never feel like a loser.
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I agree with all you say. I just think sometimes some of us use humor to mask the pain of what we are feeling.
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I'm on my second divorce now and when we first separated I felt like a two time loser. The loss of my 2nd marriage made me feel like such a failure. I don't think I will ever get married again for fear that it will just happen again.
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I agree. The words and the stigma associated with divorced people really is terrible.
But who hasn't gasped at people who are many times divorced? I don't know, I still can't believe that "divorced single mom" is going to be me.
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I was taught divorce is an abomination, so yes I feel a great deal of shame over it all. A few ppl in my family have been divorced BUT if they were married then divorced and no child came out of that marriage we sort of pretend like the marriage never happened and its spoke of in whispers by those who remember or by a kid who has been snooping and finds a pic and wonders why uncle____ is in a suit next to some lady not in our family in a Bridal gown and why the rest of the family is dressed up and in the pic.
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I think some of those labels are a little outdated and are sadly just lingering with long shelf life.
Fact is 51% of all marriages in the United States end in divorce. That is a hell of a lot of us that are "losers" if you get my drift. Yes. I am the stereotypical, mid aged, divorced single dad. It is what it is. And I'm ok with that.
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