Divorce or dissolution of marriage is the ending of a marriage before the death of either spouse. The main causes of divorce in 2004, according to a recent study, were extra-marita...
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Why are ppl so cruel?
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The other day someone posted description of sociopath personality disorder. Until recently I've spend my life denying that my ex is a lying, narcissist sociopath alcoholic.
We've had communicate a lot lately b/c my lawyer (he didn't get one) and his employer's retirement plan administrator royally screwed up the QDRO meant to split our retirement accounts. During these conversations, he said some really cruel & hurtful things to me. And I bit, hook line & sinker! I got upset, I tried to get him to see my side. Of course he's always done that. He knows how to get to the core of my being. Somehow, it always surprises me and I always end up feeling like I'm the one that hurt HIS feelings. I'm the one who is selfish & self centered. I've been away from him long enough to know in my head it's abuse, but I don't recognize it until it's too late. When I confronted him, he said he didn't mean it like it sounded and he doesn't know why he does that. Same song, different verse. Are ppl like this capable of having feelings and/or the ability to love another person? If not, what is it about them that draws so many of us to them & keeps us there for so long? I truly believed he loved me. He did all the superficial things it took to suck me in, especially the knight on a white horse thing. Hell, he had the uniform & everything. I'm shattered, so broken hearted & emotionally destroyed, I can't bare to think I was married my whole life to someone who had no feelings for me at all. Why would he have stayed married to me all that time? I'm embarrassed to admit that there's still a tiny part of me that dreams that impossible dream that he would change & we could work it out. Am I sicko or what? Will I ever get past this? Not only can't I even imagine ever being in a relationship again, but it also seems that even potential friends come w/built in red flags. Heck the two friends I had left after the D are pretty much only interested in themselves. I'm in therapy to learn why I pick ppl like this, but I just don't understand why so many ppl are so cruel... Posted on 09/05/07, 12:09 pm |
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Well perhaps I am dense but are you asking why ppl with out some sort of medical issue that is along the lines of personality disorder are cruel? If so I'd need more specifics but what it comes down to is this and please frogive the language the world is full of bastard covered bastards with bastard filling.
If you are asking about your ex well he is a narcissist sociopath alocholic and that should answer the question. Narcassists only view themselves as important its a psychological disorder and has no baring on why a person without this problem would be cruel. Sociopaths are seemingly normal but they are really are far from it, so again no baring on why a person without that problem would be cruel. Alcoholic....not touching this one, nothing anyone can say to make me believe its a disease, its an addiction not something that happens to you. Your husband may not have had feelings for you but in his mind being married was normal so he found somehting about you he liked and decided ok I could be married to her. Now this is over simplifying b/c when a person has psycological disorders its not a matter of basic human nature but rather the affects or symptoms of their disorder. Questions best suited for a therapist but know this its was never your fault, nothing you could have done and you should not feel that this reflects on the rest of society who does not have his problems. Getting past it will be easier now that you accept his problems and you can educate yourself more throughly on the issues. When dealing with an unstable person and/or being their victim in a manner of speaking understanding their issues will help more than anything. Research on your own or talk to a professional, we are all here to support you but unless some is a psychiatrist then all any of us can do is make intelligent guesses based on psychology courses we studied in University. Take care 
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All I do is sit here and try to figure out the same thing.
I am trying, so hard, to just look at stark reality. No emotions to soften it up. It hurts. It makes me very angry. It makes stbx Furious that I am not backing down. I hope that all of us can get passed this and heal. This hasn't been living, this has barely been surviving.
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