Breakups & Divorce Support Group

I don't think sex is the only thing in a relationship, but it is a barometer of what is going on in a relationship. I am sorry to tell you, but I think something is wrong. You could consider counseling.

my ex fiancee and I were engaged for 5 of our 6 yrs of living together. We were supposed to be married last summer..it didn't happen. He quit being interested in sex with me. Men and women too, when they want someone to "go away" they quit having sex with them. There's this unwritten secret law about it I swear. My ex even told me this. He said it was how he got his 1st wife to agree to divorce. In his very blunt words "quit fucking them and they go away".

We had many problems, finally after a nervous breakdown. I couldn't take it anymore and left! I'm now 1000 miles away rebuilding MY life!

I have been divorced for over a year and "no sex" was the official cause. While sex isn't the only thing in a relationship, it does become very important when you're not getting any ;-(

I did feel a bit like a tramp when I first considered leaving for this reason. As I considered divorce, I began to pay close attention to other aspects of the relationship and realized that no sex was just a symptom of bad feelings between us. He was withholding as a way to punish me for whatever he saw as something I needed to be punished for?!?!? He even admitted this to me.

I appreciate "courier"'s response. Now that I have a year's perspective, I think he wanted the relationship to end long before. He just didn't have the balls to take the life altering step to divorce. Instead, he made me so miserable that I didn't have any other choice. What a coward and what a waste of my time.

Be thankful you haven't married this man and for god sakes DON'T unless he agrees to understand what's behind his lack of desire AND he does something about it.

I apologize for being so blunt. Sex in a relationship is the icing on the cake. You have to have a cake to ice though! If the relationship is no longer sustaining a healthy sexual intimacy, there's something wrong!

This is currently the big problem in my marriage, and it's me who isn't interested. And that kind of made her uninterested now too. So, we just don't have sex. But I masturbate and have plenty of lusty thoughts of other women. In other words, I'm still sexual. My wife? She doesn't even get herself off. Seems like she's totally asexual.
In my case, a couple things have hurt my sex drive for her: 1. She hasn't worked out a single day of six years of marriage, after working out daily when we dated. 2. She doesn't initiate anything, and doesn't act like the "bad girl" that I like behind closed doors. Just laying there and expecting a guy to get all turned on doesn't do it after a while.
I have no idea what to do. I don't want to leave her and my son, but I sure as hell want to have sex at least once more before I die.

Wow, ariznem, thanks for your post and helping me see it from the other point of view. I have put on weight since I had a sporting injury a few years ago, but I still try and initiate sex. If she tried to initiate sex and be the 'bad girl' would the weight matter?

Ariznem, I really hadn't thought of that. However, I really believe if you love someone, are in love with someone it shouldn't matter. I actually am in better shape than at any time in my life. That wasn't our problem.

As for ONE more time before you die. Guess I'm setting the bar too high, I'm looking for one MILLION times more! With someone I love, who loves ME.

You are not even married and he is not interested in sex? ALright in any relationship married or living together if the sex is good that includes a regular satisfying sex life then it accounts for 10% of the relationship. If the sex/sex life is bad it is THE WHOLE DAMN THING.

Tired and don't worry? Tell him to cut the crap and stop with the excuses. First hats off to you, I would not stay with someone for 4 years without a ring on my finger unless there was a very good reason i.e. he is finishing med school. However it was your choice but if he isn't ready to step up to the plate and he has lost interest in sex then decide is it worth it? Do not determine this with logic, by which I mean do not say oh its been 4yrs so I have to save it listen to your heart and go with your gut. Do not legally bind yourself to a man who is at the moment more of a roomate than a lover; and do not waste your time with a man who isn't ready to committ after FOUR YEARS.

Tell him either you go to counselling or a priest/rabbi/minister and work this out NOW or good bye have a nice life I'm not letting you hold me down.

Its not easy and sure I may sound unfeeling when I phrase the decision you have to make so bluntly but the bottom line is this is your future, your life and your happiness in the balance. I can say a bunch of flowery things about hanging in there but the truth is this relationship is already hanging by a thread and it seems that thread should be snipped.

Changes must occur in order for you to grow do not be emotionally manipulated or held back by sentiment. Do what you've got to do...

Yup. I know the PC police will rally around not ending a relationship, but I sure would(assuming both parties were still fully functional)