Breakups & Divorce Support Group

Argh, steam coming out of my ears. Bankruptcy pending and we have several weeks left to get through until we can file. Have a need for some stopgap cash, most of which is coming from my family, but I also asked his mom. She said she sent a check electronically through her bank on 8/5, which never showed up. STBX kept saying he'd check on it. So today he talks to her and his method is to tell her that I have said she was 'lying' and never sent the check. So she sends a wounded and defensive email to me. Jesus, he just loves to triangulate people against each other.

This is his modus operandi. He prefers to play us off against each other; it seems to satisfy some need in him and it is a strategy he has long employed. If he had his way, he would keep us all at each other's throats and him in charge of all the passing to and fro of information. That way, he believes, he can play on everyone's sympathy to his benefit. He can, has, and apparently intends to continue to demonize her to me and me to her, hoping, I guess, that it will net a payoff for him. Diplomacy is decidedly not a strategy he employs.

So I decided to reply to her email saying just this and coping him on it - that I can't and won't defend myself against his attempts to foment discord and that it is a tired old strategy and that I was copying him on the email so he knows exactly how I responded to his mom. I thanked her for her follow-through (she is re-sending a paper check) and left it at that.
Posted on 08/19/08, 01:08 pm