Divorce or dissolution of marriage is the ending of a marriage before the death of either spouse. The main causes of divorce in 2004, according to a recent study, were extra-marita...
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Guilt
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Do any of you feel guilty for the demise of your relationship even though you were not the one to leave and you were the one who was begging your significant other to go to therapy to at least try to save the marriage?
I am going over everything I did wrong in my marriage and asking myself 'what if' dozens of times a day. The guilt is over whelming - I could have done so much better. I didn't have an affair nor do I have any addictions but I could have been more attentive, more loving, etc. Now it is too late and I am blaming myself. Posted on 08/17/08, 01:08 am |
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I did at first. I took a lot on myself and analyzed everything I could have done better or more of.
The truth is no matter what we did differently back then, or do now, it wont mean a hill of beans cus the problem isnt with us. (which we all find out way too late) Soon you will be able to see that as well. You cna only mull over it, and analyze every different way before you see what we all have. 
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Every day, and it has been over a year now. Wish I could tell you something to make it better, but no matter how people tell me not to, I feel guilty.
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Nope. Not one little bit. I owned my crap and was willing to do the work. I am at peace.
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nope, not one bit. All is as it should be.
I don't do guilt. She said "we drifted", I agree, she was right, so I left, it wasn't wrong.
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I have to agree with Jo. No guilt. Albeit, I was the one to leave, but I had no choice and I truly believe that in my mind, heart and soul.
I think we all grapple with the 'coulda, shoulda" stuff. But at some point, which you will eventually get to, you realize who you are, your role it it, and how you played it out. And you do find a peace. Or, rather, it comes to you.
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I do feel guilt. I could have been a better wife. I was not the best that I could have been. And it is hard not to wonder if we would still be together if things were different. I wish that he had told me things and gave me a chance.
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Yes I blamed myself over and over and asked what if over and over and I did it well into a year after he walked out. I was then told by a very dear friend "you can't fix stupid even when stupid is stupid enough to give up Ft Knox" to have a very dear friend believe that i was that precious was totally empowering and I'd like to share that with each and every DS'er.
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Totally agree with Jo on this one. The problem is with the lying, cheating stbx. He blindsided me with the affair. I don't claim to be perfect but wasn't even given a fighting chance. And yes, I've given this plenty of thought over the last few months.
Nope, no guilt. ChiTown is right as well. It wouldn't matter what you did, the end result would probably have been the same. Please stop blaming yourself. Peace and hugs.
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