Breakups & Divorce Support Group

Well the listing has been signed - the date the house goes up for sale is open - I need to do some repairs, have people in to help me out to get this place viewable. It will be done within the next couple of weeks.
My only hope now is that it goes fast. So please cross your fingers and pray that it does. I need it to sell so not to affect my credit to make it any worse than it is. I am on track to getting things repaired, and moving forward to rebuild my life.
He made it clear to the realtor that I had all final say-he does not want anything from the proceeds however with the Family Law Act he will have to sign the necessary papers. One thing down.
After leaving the realtor's I told him I needed to speak with him on other issues, I felt an overwhelming need to lay my cards on the table. I told him for the last year he dropped the ball, walked away - leaving me holding more than my share of picking up the pieces. I told him there were answers I needed regarding financial issues that he is accountable for and that from now on I am looking out for myself. I have sat by long enough letting him hold all the cards.
I looked him in the eyes and told him that I want to have these issues resolved, I want the papers filed, I want this finished. He wanted it, handing me back papers empty was no longer acceptable. As far as I am concerned I am still married - until the final decree comes in that it has been finalized for me that is the way it is.
He listened to my demands - agreed with them. I told him I was done filling him in on the kids - he is now responsible for his own relationship with both. I told him how disappointed I was in him for the way he has handled that with his relationship with his son - I know not my responsibility - but I had to get this off of my chest. I told him his kids are not his friends - he is their father - they need his guidance, his love, his support. A 20 year old young man with a bleeding ulcer is not normal - I told him not to hate his son because he is like me - because no matter what - his son loves him. His reason for not stepping up is that his son has never came to him for anything - well the kid has - but he never measured up to what his father felt he should be - although very gifted athletically - he never had the drive to take that to elite levels - he simply plays for the love of the games - there's nothing wrong with that. He alwyas felt no matter what he did it wasn't good enough for his dad.
My son also has to let his father know his feelings his disappointments - my daughter does - however he treats her like a princess and she never does anything wrong in his eyes.
I demanded today that he also take the responsibility about the dog - I threw this his way - in part because he talked me into it and if he was thinking on leaving - I did not need this extra responsibility - He said he would talk to our son - let him do it - I said no - it was up to him I've done and the kids have done mroe than our f'n share in all of this he needed to step up on this point. I feel sad about this but I'm facing a reality - the kids and I will be moving into an apartment - no pets allowed - it simply is what it is.
For the first time in 20 years - I spoke up and let him know exactly how I felt - how I've dealt with the hurt, and what I expect - he is now being accountable for his share.
In speaking with him - laying it out - I made him cry. For once perhaps he gets it now. He is not the man I married - and there is a part of me that feels sorry for him - his upbringing his childhood in part has a lot to do with the way he is - he has to live with his choices now - like I do mine. I also stood up and said - although he does not feel like I worked hard over the years - I did - I was a good wife - there were things in his past I never thru in his face, I supported him - I was the best wife I could be, I was a good mother and a good person - and I would thank him some day for letting me go. I thanked him for the part he played in my life I thanked him for being the father of my children - I looked him square in the face and told him I had no regrets - that there was a reason for all of this and I would be happy - I'm not spending the next 40 years being bitter or not enjoying the next chapter of my life - I apologize for the length of this - but thank you to all my DS Friends - you have given me support and encouragement and have allowed me to find answers within myself to grow to heal to survive. THANK YOU!
Posted on 07/19/08, 04:07 pm