What is Breakups Divorce

Divorce or dissolution of marriage is the ending of a marriage before the death of either spouse. The main causes of divorce in 2004, according to a recent study, were extra-marita...

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What IF....????
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What if someone ever told me I would get married, to have a divorce so I would lern to truly love myself? I would probably think they were nuts.

What if someone said they loved me and in the name of love they would erase who I am so I would get my ground shaken to slowly learn to revuild a solid ground from within? I would think they don't wish me well.

What if someone said that like a butterfly needs to emerge from a cocoom, that divorce would be the hardest and most wonderful transformation I could ever experience in my life? I would think life is too short for that.

What if someone said humans need to experience a great loss to be great people, fuller in essence than ever, and experience life in its fullest from a much deeper level? I would think they are not smelling enough flowers along their path.

Looking back, I would most certainly not want to go back to coccoon and wish I was eternally a butterfly. But we can't really know what it would feel like to be a butterfly if we had not been wishing for that from a suppressed place and made the choice to enjoy each baby step to get to really enjoy life in all accounts. Gotta have nothing to loose and no fears to truly enjoy life.

What are your WHAT IFs?
Posted on 07/19/08, 03:07 pm
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Reply #1 - 07/19/08  3:52pm
" What if I stayed in Boston. That is my only what if. "
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Reply #2 - 07/19/08  3:55pm
" what if I could start again, would I do things different yes, read DS and realize that the best people are those who care enough to ask for help from their peers. "
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Reply #3 - 07/19/08  3:55pm
" Wow I am still thinking because this is too deep. "
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Reply #4 - 07/19/08  4:00pm
" Mine is what if I had left earlier like I planned on.

I think everything has a reason. I'm super happy now, but might not have been back then. I met a really nice guy about a month or so ago because of where I am currently. I think that there is a plan for all of us and lessons need to be learned to better you... make sense? "
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Reply #5 - 07/19/08  4:01pm
" All I can come up with to answer all of my "WHAT IFs" is that HE would have either shown his true colors sooner than he did, or later. I guess it has unfolded as "planned". "
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Reply #6 - 07/19/08  4:03pm
" What if my husband decides he DOES want to work on the marriage? What if this ever happens again? "
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Reply #7 - 07/19/08  4:18pm
" What if a year ago my STBX would have said "You are working too much, it is making you crazy, I will stop spendinbg so much money, and we need to get this marriage back on track or it will end" rather than letting us continue "as is" until he met the OW and then walked out the door after explaining for weeks how this was all my fault? Would I have been able to do what I have done now and make the changes in my life that are helping me to be the better person I am today? Not sure...and I will never know. I asked him a few weeks ago if he regretted not saying something over the years seeing now how I have taken control of myself and made good changes and he said "Yes" then "we would have just fought over it" (we never really fought, BTW) and then finally "I did tell you that you worked too much." I will go with the first answer because it usually is the most honest and believe that he does regret it but he is too far gone and too invested in what he is doing to turn around and try. I did thank him for taking me out of my rutty haze. Now someone else will get the spoils...I sure hope the next one is worthy. "
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Reply #8 - 07/19/08  4:53pm
" What if I had never married my ex? My life might have been very different, perhaps better but I wouldn't have my son whom is the true love of my life. Really. "
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Reply #9 - 07/19/08  4:54pm
" Gotta clarify. Love my son in a kind and strong way but not in a Norman Bates, cloying kind of way. Just sayin...;-) "
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Reply #10 - 07/19/08  5:26pm
" Coincidence, wow! I was just talking to an acquaintance who is going through something similar and I actually told her that I am almost glad this whole thing happened because of all the learning and awareness of myself and others that came from it - I was living in bubble before! "
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