Divorce or dissolution of marriage is the ending of a marriage before the death of either spouse. The main causes of divorce in 2004, according to a recent study, were extra-marita...
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Joint Custody and Relocation Obstacles?
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It might be like looking for a needle in a haystack, but I'm looking for insights from people that might be in a joint custody situation. Particularly, I'm interested in hearing about how you have dealt with (or planned to deal with) geographical relocation of one or both of the parents.
I have 50/50 joint custody of my two young children (ages 7 and 8). Our separation agreement spells out that we would go to mediation in the event that one of us must move (for work, let's say). Of course, given that this is her city and where her family lives, the likelihood of a move would most certainly be mine. We've not had to involve the legal system so far, since the separation 3 years ago. However, the stbx did let out during a recent conversation that "no judge would back me up on such a move with my children". She may be right, but it doesn't mean I don't explore my options. I don't think she wants to go the legal route (and was voicing such things out of desparation), but "who knows". I'm just curious if there are any success stories out there (from mom's or dad's in joint custody situations) about relocation with the kids. Personally, I really feel like I need to make this happen (move with the kids to be closer to my own family and friends) for my own sanity. I'm curious if I'm on the only person in such a situation. Posted on 07/15/08, 10:07 pm |
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Well, I have my boys 50/50 now after a fight to get them back from his getting temp custody. Why, no one even knows. I have been there day in/out and he's been gone half their lives (military though). I am lucky, I am in TX where a jury can decide if you have to live here or not, and I am 99.99 percent confident after every vindictive thing done to me and the kids is laid out, not one person will vote to make me stay near him. Good luck, I do have some tips if you are interested. 
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Not that I'm prepared to start any kind of legal action (I'm not really...yet), but I do need to know where I might stand legally should I want to relocated with my two young children. So, tomorrow morning, I have a consult with a local lawyer. I'm sure I'll be thinking about the meeting all night long.
The stbx and I have done good up until now to not involve the legal system. We've been civil, etc., for the sake of the kids. I'd like to keep it that way. We've been here (in her city) for what I like to call the first half of the kids young lives. I would like an opportunity for them to spend the second half of their young lives near my family. Of course, the stbx doesn't see it that way. We we will try to talk this through ourselves, and with the assistance of a mediator. But I'll be blunt, my priority is to be able to move with the kids closer to my family. Anyway,plenty to think about tonight.
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I understand you wanting them to be close to your family and I would want the same, but with them being at school age, how could you make that work?
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It would depend on how far away your are moving. Most jurisdictions do not want the children leaving their schools, friends, schedule, etc. They won't stop you from leaving, but your time with the kids will most likely be cut to a normal long distance visitation schedule which is far from 50/50. Especially if it's a choice situation and you aren't having to move because you lost your job and have to get a new one.
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Ok, I'm dong the same thing, and I know what to do. I love in IL, and by law I cannot take the kids out of state, in the case of a divorce. BUT, we are using the www.collaborativelaw.com, for our divorce, and all agreements on the divorce are made out of court, round table style, you with your lawyer which is part of the group, she with hers.
Now, lets say there is no way she's going to give up the kids...in some states if you establish residency there for 6 months, that that state laws over ride the state your from. Check with a Laywer for details on options, there ARE OPTIONS. Yes, some maybe a little shady, which lawyer love to get there hands all over that kind of stuff, but that is what I would do. If your spouce WILL NOT let you take the kids out of state, then see a lawyer, but do not tell her about it, and he/she can give you a game plan. It can be done, I'm doing it - I've already got the kids out of state in our parenting agreement. But we did that threw mediation, and he's an alcoholic, who can't handle the kids anyway, but.... any way check into that.
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Correction to comment, I LIVE in IL not LOVE, haven't had enough coffee yet, let me know if you have any questions for me, I'd be happy to let you know any info that I have.
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I have to be blunt here, but if you move away from what the children know as "home", you are putting them in a position to feel abandonment issues.
It rarely works out that when one parent relocates far away, that they maintain regular or more importantly ENOUGH contact with their children. I would advise you to think long and hard as to what you expect to happen with this relocation. Is it really in yours or more importantly the childrens best interest?
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I messaged you, Rob -- good luck getting the info and clarification you need today.
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I just read your second comment. It has a strong vindictive nature to it. Like you are trying to get the upper hand in your custody arrangement.
Are you saying that you are willing to rip the kids away from their mother so that they can experience living in "your city"? How is this beneficial for the kids? I don't think you are considering the emotional ramifications of taking them away from their comfort zone and the only home they know. You are also not considering the damage taking them away from their mom will cause. Not to mention it sounds like you are assuming you will get primary custody. However you are forgetting that courts generaly favor the mother. Especially in a case where the father is moving away. I would be interested to know what is behind this. Why exactly do you feel this desire to move away?
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Hi SockFuzz,
I'm not trying to be vindinctive here. I'm trying to be fair. The kids have spent the first half of their young lives near her family. It seems only fair to me, to be able to spend the second half of their young lives near my family. Just so we're clear. I have no intent to rip the children away from their mother. Nor do I want to. I'm simply asking her to consider moving as well. So that the kids continue to enjoy the dual parenting relationship that we currently have. Their friendships outside of school, are almost non-existant at this age, and given our neighbourhood. Yes, they're loose out on the relationship grandmother and grandfather locally, but will gain that in the new province along with 3 uncles, 1 aunt and all of their families. I love my kids. I want them in my life. I want them in their mother's llife. I have to have a life for that to happen. The stbx has moved on. She has a partner. If they're happy together, why can't they be happy together elsewhere. None of this is about vindictiveness. To perfectly honest, it's about self-preservation. Maybe it's just emotional exhaustion and I'll get over it.
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