Breakups & Divorce Support Group

Emotional abusers create special ties that are hard to break. Considering that most people never leave these relationships you should very proud of getting out and recognizing the abuse for what it was...trauma. Never let anyone treat you like dirt again...you are very special and deserve real love.

I've come to realize that my ex was an emotional abuser as well. I didn't recognize it during the marriage, but am seeing it now.

He, like yours, actually told me that I "made him cheat". Excuse me?? I told him that I didn't twist his arm behind his back and force him, so he couldn't pin that on me. I don't think he realized just how strong I was until he started trying to blame me for his downfalls.

I found that it was easier when I started recalling all of the hurtful things he said to me. That made me realize that it would be hard alone, but at least I wouldn't have to be put down all the time.

You made the biggest, hardest first step toward a happier life. Let him take his misery out somewhere else.

Oh yeah, that "making them cheat" thing is unbelievable, isn't it? Talk about living in denial...

wvartgirl, you nail that on the head. I was with the emotional abuser for 21 years, care too much about him to break loose. Was treated like dirt, blames for everything that gone wrong with him even when he cheated on me; told me it was my fault. It was such a hard break from him, he was nasty to me and still is today after almost a year being divorced.

Maried for 31 abused (verbal and emotional) for the last 14-15 years, I don't know why we stayed so long, the verbal abuse came on so slowly that I thought it to be normal behavior. I was telling a co-worker about an episode and they told me that I was being verbally abused and to not take it any more. I also was an enabler, I enabled her to exhibit bad behavior and not stop her..... I think we (the abused) do that more than we would like to admitt. She opened the door and I escaped and truly feel that is just that I did was escape and life is so much sweeter, financially it's tough but no more egg shells and no more of the mouth...... thanks for allowing me to vent hope it helps even a little.....AJJ

Yeah it gets a little easier every day. There will come a day when you look back and are glad you got out, and wondering why the hell you stayed for so long.

Yeah, maureen, you just described my life with stbx... I agree SOOOOOO MUCH with wvartgirl... YOU SHOULD BE PROUD OF YOURSELF FOR GETTING OUT & recognizing the abuse for what it was...
Just remember to always speak of this relationship in the PAST TENSE... Trust me, it helps you to stay strong & it helps you to keep the 'rose-colored glasses' off & keeps the truth 'about face'... (just trust me, I know these things...)
It is hard, and one reason is because they have taught us to accept the blame for everything (even their affairs) and in thinkin these things, it makes it feel like it's our fault that our marriages fail, our children are caught in the middle, and even for him (or her) bein unhappy... We have been taught to always make 'him' happy...
WE carry the love for both ourselves & our partner in this marriage & if somethin goes wrong, we 'fix' it... so we are tryin to 'fix' not only ourselves, but our partner's hearts...
Just remember ... he is not YOUR problem to be 'fixin' no more... STAND STRONG & STAND TALL... worry about YOU for a change... It's time to 'fix' YOU... and to fix YOU, means no more 'him'...
Just my 2 cents... that was my only 2 cents, so now I have no sense...

Whenever you feel like you might be the crazy one, do a reality check with friends and family. They'll never steer you wrong. Don't let anybody do that to you. It's just one of the worst kinds of manipulation. HUGS