Divorce or dissolution of marriage is the ending of a marriage before the death of either spouse. The main causes of divorce in 2004, according to a recent study, were extra-marita...
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So I spent the evening with him
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Well, actually the day AND the evening with him. He came over and made dinner and we watched a movie. That's 3 days in a row.
I'm not exactly sure what I'm doing. Most people would call me the fool for trying to be his friend, for spending time with him, but he says he's feeling like he wants to give it another try with us, he just isn't ready to fully jump in. I'm not sure what he's waiting for except that he has feelings for two different people and he's not sure what he wants. Most people couldn't even fathom being friendly or "dating" someone that hurt them so badly. Sometimes I wonder if I'm still in denial, though I've been journaling and talking with my therapist and trying really hard to stay within reality. I love him. I've always loved him. I've always stood by this man, who needs to grow up, get responsible, and figure out what he's priorities are. He says he's about had it with the g/f (for personal reasons) and I'm sure it's just a matter of time before that relationship falls apart. I think she knows in her gut that he's been spending time with me. In fact, I think she's read enough information when snooping through my e-mails. However, I'd rather not stick my nose in it. IF he wants to give it another shot with me, then I want him to WANT it .... not feel like I'm the easy route, or do it out of guilt, or because she dumped him, you know? In the meantime, I'm still considering dating other people, until he can make a firm decision to commit to our relationship and give it 100% effort. I can't put all my eggs in that basket. Posted on 07/01/08, 02:07 am |
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If you are considering dating..I would do it for the right reasons..not just to get back at him. Also think I would be careful as to his motives w/you. You must be pretty stong..there is now way in he@@ that I would ever date or see my ex wife again after what she has done to me..I have the no contact rule in full force..M 
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I think you need to really look at your love addiction and codependency issues. Taking someone back that has behaved this way and continues to treat you the way he does shows a serious lack of self respect.
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Im with Meddle - No way I could do it.
Hope it works out the way you want, just make sure it is what you want. Good luck
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It sounds like you are the backup plan. Sorry to sound harsh but I know I was my husbands backup plan last time he left, I think he only came back becuse he got sick of the OW and her kids.It was never gonna work, I should have known that but i loved him dearly. He did intend to keep me as his backup plan this time too I think but I wrecked his plans by finding a new great guy who is 100 times the man he is!!
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i can't tell you anything inspiring in fact, I am sure that I would do the same thing and have all the same questions. Just make sure that you understand that you may very well be his safety net right now if he has never had the opportunity to be completely on his own. Best wishes to you.
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Hey 2ofus,
This situation worries me--I'm afraid you're gonna get your heart stomped on again. It almost sounds like he's comparison shopping--well, I'll date my wife and my gf and see which one I like the best. I think you're not really in the driver's seat like you think you are. Isn't it time to ask him to make a decision. In my neck of the woods, we call it shit or get off the pot. As far as dating goes, you are currently in a very complex situation. Is it really fair to the new guy? Just a thought. Please don't take this as being real judgemental--we all make decisions in this process for very unique, individual reasons. If you really believe there is a chance to reconcile and it's what YOU really want, then you owe it to yourself to try. It just doesn't sound like he's making much of an effort. Good luck.
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Speaking from the other side. I had to show 7 months of consistency before I was allowed to move back in. I haven't deviated much from that change, but to be a little more relaxed now. Spending time is good, I did that too, and there was no guarantees for me, but I did it anyway. I work out every other day now, I went to counseling on my own, and I even started Divorce Care, just in case. It's still a hard road, even being back in the house, but the issues are addressed as they occur, and things are much better than they were, or ever would have been had I not been thrown out of the house.
As far as dating... she had to test the waters to see what else was out there, it hurt... ALOT, but was well worth it in the end, as she didn't find anything that could compete with the changed me. Hope this helps. -TD
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I understand exactly what you're going through. I took my stbx back- several times. Never while he admitted still seeing someone else though, that would be asking too much from me. I always stood by him, believed in his heartfelt talks of how sorry he was and how he was going to change. When you love someone you want to believe the best about them. The problem with these kinds of people is that they're never happy, and they blame the person they're with. Unless your stbx shows a huge commitment to you, like going to counseling, cutting off the OW completely, I wouldn't accept the partial relationship he's offering you. I'm willing to bet that the more you distance yourself from your ex the more he'll want you back.
And I think dating other people is fine. I hope you find someone better.
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I am sure this has been posted more times than can be counted, but I don't see it recently and would love some input. …
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