Breakups & Divorce Support Group

time. that's all i can say. time heals all wounds, that saying is true. you're in survival mode right now and thats all you have to do survive- time will do the rest

I wish there was a graph or something to tell me when I'll b ok,this shit's a soul killer. :)

thats the thing.. its different for everyone as far as the time table. when this first happened to me, i read that there are several stages to grief. i belive that's true. i will say that once i accepted that it was really over, i started to slowly feel better.

well I know its truly over but there is no comfort in that!moving on isnt even hard its just getting her out of my head,trying not to think of what shes doing, and the fact she's ok.FRIC!

it's a big adjustment.. and really there's nothing i can say to make you feel better. I wish there was. I searched for those magic words when i was hurting so bad. There isnt any. People would tell me "time heals" and it would make me mad. i felt like they were just telling me something just to pacify me.. but it really is true.. our minds have a way of forgetting.. it's kind of like a flower wilting.. if it isnt nurtured and watered, once it's cut off from the source it slowly starts to wilt and then die. Same with our emotions and love towards someone.. once they are gone, slowly, ever so slowly we start to forget little things they would say and do.. then before you know it, you cant remember even big things.. and you suddenly dont feel that unbearable pain anymore.. i promise

Unfortunately the one who gets the axe, or gets the Dear John letter has a harder time with the news of the breakup.

The one who is cheating, or is thinking of leaving has a distinct time advantage on us.

It;s a process, and for the dumped, we just don't get the benefit of the head start...

But Jen is right...its a process, it takes time. We humans are adaptive by nature.

Start a journal if you haven't yet and every so often look back at prior posts. You'll see progress....and know you are moving in the right direction - on your way to heal...

thanks for your encouraging words,I already know all of this ,but it does help hearing them from someone else.One thing I've been trying is NOT to remember the good ,but instead remembering the bad,that seems to be working better for me.I would really like to know when the butterflies go away,they seem to let the hurt come in like waves over me,what the hell is that! :)

I don't necessarily believe everything is fine with the one that left. They go through grief too, but it's different. It's not a grief that involves rejection (usually - yes, there are times a person leaves the relationship for his/her own good and that's yet a different kind of grief).

In my life I've been a leaver and I've also been left. I can see both sides of the fence. And like beneficial said, leavers usually have the advantage of time. They've been thinking about leaving LONG before they actually do it. By the time they've told you and left, they've already processed a lot of emotion and are in a different phase of the grief process.

the not eating and sleeping will get better with time. the one who has left, left the relationship emotionally a long time before we can let go. i personally don't feel they are hurting for us. it takes a long while to get over the fact that you were dumped. but it will come, and the pain lessens along the way. keep coming here for the support and encouragement of this group, it works wonders.

interesting!I just wish she was hurting as bad as me.I know thats a bad thing to say,but it would at least show me she cared for me the way i cared(care) for her.I'm hurting alone which seems to be worse,misery loves company:)