Breakups & Divorce Support Group

WARNING!!! Some may find the nature of this post to be offensive. If one has delicate sensitivities please hit your back space button now.....

OK We've done this before and thought you newer folks would get a kick out of it to....

What would your STBX"S Dating profile look like???
Let it all hang out...

I'll start...

Nice guy (I'm a pr**k), Sensitive (everything upsets me), 45 (going on 90) year old male, 6'2",(good for postering) green eyes, long scraggly gray hair (gross), 230 lb's(fat), swollen and puffy face (look 65), Gods gift to women. (what a di*k)

Favorite saying's: "I'm better looking than you" "Is that right?" "Thats in your head" "Your just looking for problems and something to be mad about!" "IIIII" "Have to work" And my favorite: "I'm a nice guy"

Hobby's: Drinking, betting on football, Victim-ship-ism, Rage, Paranoia, Blame, Verbal and mental abuse, Narcissism, credit debt, bankruptcy....

Requirements to be a part of my world:

First and foremost you must be willing to give up self at all times in order to meet my needs. My needs include constant touching rubbing and petting. bi daily lotion application to my dry diseased skin. Foot rubs and descaling. Daily blow jobs. Do not expect reciprocation. You must always be available for my phone calls and my presence. If not you must provide an accounting. You must be able to run large household raise my kids as well as your own and help me run my 2 businesses. You must have good listening skills so you can listen to me rant and rave about everybody and everything that has been done wrong to me. Must be able to constantly reassure me, tell me you love me, give me respect, and not question me. Please be prepared to hear about all your flaws and what you should do about them at any given time. For I have none.

Must love football and be willing to listen to hour long jags about how they could do it better. (as well as most other subjects) Sense I'm an expert. Must be willing to always be looking for new accountants, housekeepers, lawn guys, florists, banks, mechanics, employees, cleaners, etc. sense none of them can ever do it right and they victimize me.

The HOME REQUIREMENTS are as follows: Nothing is allowed to ever be out of place. no socks on the floor, backpacks left around, jackets on a chair, blanket on a sofa, crafts supplies on the kitchen table etc... It is to be quiet at all times, no loud laughter, stomping or running etc. I may need to rest or nap. Food must always be gourmet if you make it but if i do hamburger helper is acceptable. I will give you a running analysis on all meals you prepare during entire meal. No messes in the kitchen! You must buy and pay for all food, do not over buy and can not waist any food. I will inspect refrigerator and comment on contents daily. You will be expected to pay all utility bills but also listen to me bitch about how much they are costing and call all providers on a regular bases and accuse them of cheating us. Can not touch my laundry only i can do it right. The house must be kept at 65 degrees at all times for my skin condition and My sinuses. All doors including cabinets must be closed at all times. Deviation of this rule will result in severe emotional reprimand. Must be willing and able to repair house: Painting and hole repair, Participate in hard manual labor such as help tear roof off, rip out carpet etc.. even if you are ill.

If you have a home that is paid for or has a large equity it is to be given to me or I will abuse you every day of your life for it. If you crawl out the door, your home and all your possessions are mine, even if your dead father gave it to you when you were 12. You are to loose everything and have to start over and accept that is all your fault. If you leave I will buy a Harley and put Harley patches and stickers on everything I own. I will fix up Your home so that I can live like a king and be the Big Kahoonna w/ all my new Harley Buddies. I will not pay restitution in any form. For I am the king...

ILLNESS: If I am sick, injured or have had another surgery you are expected to be at my beckon call. You are to ask me every 20 minutes if I need anything, bring me cold wash clothes regularly and place them on my brow, rub my feet, get me medicine, buy soda, make me soup and run my life for me. If you are ill, well "A man has to work" If i do bring you soup watch out I may spill it on you. I may get you medicine but cover your ears because I will slam all the cabinets. I want to make sure you know not to ask again. You will learn soon that nothing is worth it. You are not to ever talk about any problems that you might be having if you do I will be forced to call you a hypochondriac. I will require you to listen to me complain 24/7 about all of my maladies and try to solve them for me. Do not expect me to do anything about them thou.

CHILDREN: Mine are perfect yours are not. I never really wanted any children in the first place, I was tricked. But if you have some bring them, I will do what I can to mess up your kids to. They will no longer be allowed to be close to you thou because this interferes with your being able to make your life all about me. And my kids. If your daughter makes a mistake I may not speak to her for a month or more. I may leave a phone by her sleeping head and drive around town to pay-phone after pay-phone calling and ringing the phone to torture her and teach her a lesson if say Her cat woke me in the night. Natural consequences. If your children leave anything around the house it will be thrown across the house confiscated or throw away. Not to worry about my kids I will return their things to their rooms gently. I will make sure that all children know that they are a burden and That they have ruined my life and I am miserable as a result. I gave up signing a contract with a major recording label after all. For their sakes.

You must be in 4 places at once, cheer, soccer, football, music lessons. counseling for my kids, tutoring, speech therapy, etc... And then answer the daily quiz of "What do you do anyway?" You must be willing to accept the blame for all my kids problems as a result of their mother and husband physically, emotionally, and sexually abusing them. And you will be responsible for their therapy and recovery. If you can do it right. My children will steal from you, lie to and about you, manipulate me against you and report everything about you to their mentally ill mother. You will be dragged into all our legal proceedings. My attorney will humiliate you by suggesting you sleep with my X's husband to piss her off, and the boys advocate will ask you what you have to do with anything anyway. But you will be expected to be present and participate. If your children have college trust funds it will be necessary for me to verbally abuse you for it and expect you to find a way to pay for my kids college. I will never shut up about this. Among many other things.

PERSONAL: You will have 36 DD busts or larger. I will focus on these a great deal. You must have long hair and you will not cut, trim or color it without my permission. You will work out, be thin and stay in shape or I will give you lectures on how to do so.
You will drive what I say or I will complain every time we get in your car. I will alienate you from all your friends and family you must be isolated from them. They must be stupid idiots anyway. If you get into therapy or counseling I will be suspicious and pick on you relentlessly. "You just have to get out there and live your life." I will randomly laugh at you and then say "nothing" when asked about it. You will keep your expressions blank and not make the wrong face at the wrong time. You will not interrupt me or get distracted when I'm talking/lecturing to you. You are not allowed to bring anything with you that was in an environment that you lived in with another man. such as your home with a previous husband. We can get new things that are about me and us, but I will pick them out, if I ever have time. Oh and be prepared to pay for it and later give me credit. Whatever your profession is You are not allowed to do it anymore I'm better at it anyway. You can't work. You need to have a job. You must be willing to always be in a double bind with your head spinning. You will not be allowed to use educated or intelligent vocabulary for it threatens me. If you take a 15 minute nap you will then be referred to as the woman that sleeps all the time. If you fall down the stairs one time... "the woman that falls all the time" and so on....

SEX: I will go for long periods of time when I don't want to have sex with you but when I do you must be available. Do not ask me I may get angry. You must be willing to act out My fantasies by wearing a short skirt w/ sexy hose or other ideas i have on request. You must be able to say certain things verbatim, say I love you and make me feel like you really want it so I can maintain my erection. I'm a sensitive guy and can't do casual sex even if we have been married 2,3,4,5,6,7, or 8 years. At times I may become angry and aggressive if you don't do it just so for me.

Be prepared to be called all sorts of names, some you didn't know people really use, accused of things that have never occurred to you, and defined as something and someone you are not. Expect to have your dignity and integrity taken from you. But not to worry in the middle of the night I will wake you and tell you that you are precious and that I am lucky to have you, that you are my world and that I can't live without you.....

These are just the initial prerequisites to apply. There will be more extensive requirements provided at interview and inspection. I would have provided more here but the SOB's that run this ad would not allow me to do what I needed. They should allow me to show them how to do it properly. They are a bunch of idiots just trying to get my money.
To apply call please send your qualifications and resume to http://www.yourlifeisabouttobeover.I'masickobastard.com/itsyourfault

Disclaimer... Please send all complaints to management PO BOX 1234, Offense, Alaska, USA.. 00000
Posted on 06/18/08, 11:06 pm