Divorce or dissolution of marriage is the ending of a marriage before the death of either spouse. The main causes of divorce in 2004, according to a recent study, were extra-marita...
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sex with the ex or stbx
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ok I have two topics I want some input on this is the first one and the one that is giving me the most trouble. first some background my wife and I split up for the second time two months ago she decided that she wanted to move out after I refused to let her son move a strange girl he met on the internet into our home the first time we split up was also over him he got physical with me in my home bc I wouldnt let him borrow my only car at the time and go drinking with his friends any way we split up I quit my job and moved to anouther state but after two months returned back got anouther job rented a place and started to put my life back on track we talked on the phone a lot after i moved back and I tried to reconcile but she kept saying that she wanted to do it on her own ect..then one night she called crying and said her son moved out on her and she couldnt pay the rent and the landlord was gonna throw her out ect trying not to be an a#$ I gave her words of encourgement next thing she invites me over for dinner I except and when I get there she answers the door neked now its been about four months since Ive had any physical contact with a member of the opisit sex let alone her so we had sex imediatly after that she moved back in with me fast foward to now three weeks ago we had a big fight I started it I admit it I was trying to get some closure so i asked her if she still loved me her response was she cared about me but wasnt in love any more kinda the same response I got last time any way I got pissed and told her I wanted to start divorce procedures ect.. all thru this time she has been saying she still cares about me and we can be friends maybe even f-buddys I know its just to keep me on the string so she has somewhere to go when it all blows up in her face and it will eventuly she has a history she cant keep a job and depends on her kid who is a flake also anyway I dont want to go there again but im human and I realy miss the physical contact Iam not seeing any one right now and am not the kinda person that just jumps into bed with the first girl that offers I dont want to use some one like that any suggestions
Posted on 05/29/08, 07:05 pm |
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Don't have sex with her anymore. Just messes up the mind. Sadly, I have gotten use to not having it. My Stbx asked me if I missed sex. Is that a set up question or what. The consensus is NO CONTACT. It is painful at first but it works. 
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I agree not to have sex with her.. It just clouds the issue, but don't wait years to find someone to have a relationship with .. It has been 3+ years for me and it just keeps getting harder to made that jump as time goes on.. Take it from one who knows. have some fun while you can.. I am not into the bar scene, FWB, or FB, and have relegated myself to celibacy.. Get out there and date and have fun.. LOL... Kimmee
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Are you butt ugly? Dont keep crawling back just because your horny. Your old enough and 'I know' that 'you know' what 5 finger discount means.
Go out and find someone that loves you. Everybody will hook up with somebody eventually if; 1.) Thats what you want. And, 2.) If you arent all intagled with someone else just for sex. Just invest, and give yourself time. You dont need the games. I think a lot of moms keep their adult children around for only God knows what reason. Security is my only guess as to why. Actually they are doing a disservice to the children by letting them be freeloaders. Anyway, I would say leave the ex alone until she can provide for herself and love you, or you just go ahead and move on. You aint nothing but a whore yourself if you keep her for sex alone...so think about what youre doing. Thats my 2 cents. Thats what I would do...go get someone else. If thats what you think you want.
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Daynab, you need to suck it up and do it boot camp style. She is using sex to manipulate you. It won't be easy but if you ever truly want to get on with your life you need to have no contact. Don't let yourself get trapped. All it does is give you a temporary fix and play with your head. You can do it. Look at our boys in blue overseas.
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I would prefer to slam my penis in the kitchen draw than put it anywhere near my X. Examine how much it has costed you both financially and emotionally and you would be better off hiring a high class prostitute once a month.
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First, I'll comment from my personal experience about the "I care for you but don't love you."
Mine says that over and over. Now I can bite the bullet and believe that but what gets me back on track is I can tell her that I love her even though I'm not in love with her. Now when I tell her that, I mean it and my definition of the word love also includes caring for her. But she can't understand that so she hides behind the word care. I can care for animals, I can care for the environment, but I love people and I show that. No back and forth and no confusion....my love is absolute. Now, sex..... With the ex, I looked at it as the feeling and release of the end result. I have needs.....oh boy do I have needs....but after the duration of making love, it ends. It doesn't have that lasting effect of what it used to have. Now, I can break down and handle the deed myself or I can meet someone else and allow them to handle it with me. Now, not playing the role of a shimmering character, I just can't do it. I feel that whomever I release my love to in that aspect, it's going to be some soul shaking stuff. I"m not a little boy who needs to get something just to feel better bodily wise, I'm a man now ad as a man, I want to give and receive, touch and be touched, taste and be tasted and for me, that only comes from a more mental connection. My will is weak at times and I do have to think of other things but my ex will not be able to feel what she once felt from me inside and throughout. Be a friend but having that little extra can cause more problems and you have to ask yourself is feeling good after some intense sheet shaking really worth it when in the end, those sheets are only covering you?
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thanks for the insign, kind, words, kick in the butt :). im realy glad that i found this sight it has made this so much easier to deal with.
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Be wary, sex with an X is not a "safe" root. If you do have a moment of weakness, treat it as if it was sex with a stranger. Insist on a condom being worn. This will have a twofold effect. Physical - protection against VDs and Pychological - your X will get the message that you consider them to be just like any other casual sex partner.
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Make sure you get checked out, Daynab. You cannot guarantee that she has not slept around since your breakup. Better to be safe than sorry.
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thanks guy's and gals I realy appreciat all the advise please go look at how do I keep the ex out of my business and tell me what you think
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