Divorce or dissolution of marriage is the ending of a marriage before the death of either spouse. The main causes of divorce in 2004, according to a recent study, were extra-marita...
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STARTING A NEW RELATIONSHIP
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I have been divorced since Feb 20th. I have been seeing this man,our relationship is good, and I should be encouraged by his actions that he is caring for me, I mean he bought my 10r old girl clothes, and calls me daily, shows kind effections when he is around me. But there are times thru the week when we dont get to see each other I get a feeling sometimes Im bothering him and I wont call him, but sure enough by the end of the day he is calling or texting asking me why I havent called. He comes to see me when he can, he is a father himself of 2 girls. He spend alot of time with them, and he shows to me strong that he loves them dearly.
My point to this is I get negative thoughts when he doesnt return a text or a phone call. I start to think he is upset at me, or wants to back out of seeing me any more and is hinting to me to go away. I cry and get so upset, and on a couple of occations he has had good reason or was busy or just plain too tired to return my call or text at that time. Now Im thinking cant he just take 2 min to tell me he is busy? Or text, cant chat right now, ttyl? something rather than nothing at all. And one time I did ask him to answer me cause it wasnt very nice, and he said he would, but still has done it. To be honest he really hasnt given me any reason to think so negative about our relationship. It is going slow and its good because I am newly divorced. I dont have any sence of security at all!! I feel like he should give me more time, want to be with me more, tell me how he feels about me more( when really when he is with me he dont have to say anything I just know he does care) I dont smother him, or call him too much, or show these things are bothering me, and I dont want to ruin a good thing...I am afraid that I will push him away, But for goodness sake! I cry if he dont call me back! and think in my mind he is out dating someone else(when he told me he dont want to date no one else!)or purposely ignoring me! something is very wrong with how I am percieving this relationship. I NEED HELP!!! Posted on 05/16/08, 05:05 am |
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Sounds like you're just not ready. How you want to handle that; take your time with the relationship to build trust, or step back from it, I don't know but if a new relationship provokes this much negative thought, doesn't sound like it's a good thing for you.
(((((((HUG)))))) 
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Your letting him drive your universe.
Drive your own. The most important thing to him is his daughters, and the most important thing to you is yours. You answered your own question. Tell him, what you told us... you don't want to smother him, don't want to ruin a good thing...etc. Talk to him about it. It will be a big weight off both your shoulders.
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I know that I need to relax and enjoy the time that we do have together. So I am on track in my mind there, but my heart want him around sooo much! I slowly feel me getting my independance as a woman, and have been making it on my own for almost 6 months now which to me is an accomplishment I wasnt sure I could do. But I do have co-dependant issues, It feels good to have someone around who cares for you and what you have been wanting for years in your marriage is right there, and its hard to let go or even just slow down, But I see that I have to keep it slow, relax, laugh more,(which we do when we are together). Because what I am seeing about him is he has baggage, that he has admitted he has, with two divorces himself, its true, he is very slow to jump in, but he has been hinting around his interest,doesnt say much but mostly his actions show it to me. I do need to be able to be happy with or without him, I just have to learn to change my heart into thinking its the worst thing that could happen you know what I mean? well, I appreciate the responces!!
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you are where i was when i was sick. all the negatives played in my head until i drove her crazy and she couldn't deal with it anymore. try to relax i know its hard but plz try. nothing happens over night
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Look, he hopefully doesn't check his messages every minute. You have to be comfortable with Some space. He is getting back to you.
Slow down and take it easy.
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I laughed when I read this because I was about to post practically the exact same message. I have been dating a guy for two months. I have been divorced for 4 months - he is just separated. I totally stress if he doesn't call me back and he always has a good reason why he couldn't. He also has two kids. He has never given me any reason to think he doesn't want to be with me and every time I get myself stressed out and then he does end up calling me, I say - OK that is the last time I am going to get stressed about that. But then it happens again! I think it might be a difference between men and women. I did mention to him that it bothers me when he doesn't call me back and 90% of the time he does call me back or texts me the reason that he can't. It is that other 10% that drives me crazy! I need help too!
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I think that you are most likely not ready to be in a relationship just yet. You have issues that need to be worked out and you are projecting your insecurities onto this man. Take some time to work these out, be aware that your insecurities are not a reflection of his actions but of your perceptions. When you get these feelings, tell yourself to step back and ask yourself why you are upset. Your behaviour is going to cause problems with the relationship unless you can control it. I would seek therapy if you can. I did and it really helped. Best of luck.
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Well, I was going to say it but Kimmee covered it - Join the co-dependency group here and see if some of the posts ring a truth bell in you.
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You know I didn't have to finish reading the rest of it I know what you're saying. I don't know how long you were separated before you were divorced and then started seeing this guy but you weren't ready. You're filled with insecurities and codependency. In order for you to know his feelings he has to show you in the way that you want him too. You need him to be consistent in order for you to feel the boat is not rocking. It seems he cares for you but you weren't ready and your neediness (yes neediness) is going to turn him off and drive him away. You're looking for him to heal you when you should have given yourself time to heal before you got with him.
Ask me how I know?
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