Breakups & Divorce Support Group

My experience is that you can't make someone change their mind about relationships. Being upset rarely works.

I think that playing it cool and keeping your composure makes you look stronger and sexier in other peoples' eyes.

Just my two cents.

It sounds as though the crying hasn't helped so far so I would say ignore him and start taking care of you. If he changes his mind great, if he doesn't then you will have already started the healing that you need to get on with your life.

Think of it this way... if you were in their position, how would you respond to someone crying and trying to guilt you into returning?

I think that he wants me to seem strong so the guilt won't get to him. Does that make sense?

I cried the first few months after he left and then I implemented the No Contact Rule until I was strong enough to see/talk to him without falling apart. For me pride plays a big part-- he made up his mind and I have to accept it. I still have occasional bad days but he doesn't deserve to know about them. I say stay strong around him and do your crying in private.

Well, do you want the guilt to cause him to come back? As much as it hurts, NOW I'm glad my husband left. I'd much rather that he leave me and be happy than stay with me out of pity or obligation.

Just be yourself, if he is torn with his decision, he might respond better if you just be you. The you he fell in love with.

I think I would sit down with my husband and just tell him how I'm feeling - get it all out in one conversation - and then let him be. The way we react, crying and upset or seemingly cool and collected can be interpreted as an attempt at manipulation of another and possibly cause him to pull away further. The other option could be to get an appt with a family counselor and have the discussion with him there.

I would scrutinize husbands actions if I were you. Also I would be honest with mine, whatever they be.

Games are seen through anyway. If a person truly knows you they know how you feel.

This divorce stuff is full of mixed emotions. The roller coaster ride, remember?

In reality you will feel fine, and cry. Thats a given and anyone with a heart knows that.

Through it all use your reasoning and know yourself and your husband as much as you can.

Manipulation dont work.

My H and I have only been separated for 2 weeks and are going through counseling so not sure I'm the best advice giver.

However, I will say that on Mother's Day he had my boys for the afternoon and his mom was having a bunch of family over. Everyone was telling me I should come but I wasn't sure. I finally decided I was going to be around people and not mope all day so I just showed up. When he saw me walk in, he just kind of smiled and I could tell that he was kind of impressed I had the guts to show up.

Point is, the fact that I wasn't a sobbing mess but a strong person showed me in a different light to him.

I'm not saying your H will suddenly change his mind about leaving but at least you'll have the satisfaction of having him feel you are strong.

Good luck!