Breakups & Divorce Support Group

I am pissed. I just don't get it I'm afraid. When this started I just wanted to do it as amicably as possible. There aren't any assets really, I am responsible for my debt, he for his. He has paid the mortgage and car loan & house taxes. (car which I have - as it was only family vehicle we had) he drives long haul so he has his truck - then uses his brother's pickup when not at work. I have both kids living with me - 20 and 17 - My son is an apprentice plumber so the money at this point in his career is not great. He can't afford to go out on his own - my dad bought a car - which my son pays my dad for. I pay all other household expenses, car insurance for both cars, gas, electric, water, phone, internet, food - and other sundries which the kids may need. I have my credit card payments which I pay. So he tells me last night he's going to force the bank to foreclose. Unfortunately - due to financial problems we've had in the marriage - and yes I'll own up to part of it - are not great -so I don't see anyway of keeping the house. So it would appear the kids and I will need to find apt. That's fine too - I can make a home with whatever I'm given to work with - it's just not the four walls. I said to him tonight - would it not be better to do the cosmetic stuff around the place - put it up for sale. He says - I don't want anything from the house.- if you want to sell it go ahead I'll sign. I just think that's the best way to go to sell, we would probably not make anything on it - but all I can think of if it forecloses - how harmful that would be to an already bd situation. I can't make him see sense in all this.
Then to top it off - our daughter turns 18 in Spet. - he has decided that they will discuss what she needs and he will pay her the support - again I told him I didn't think that she should be put in that position - response - she's an adult. My daughter and I end up having an argument tonight - she doesn't understand it either. All I want is to make sure that she is looked after - when she goes to school etc.
I came home from work - I knew she was upset - and rather snarky with me - so I said did I do something wrong - that's when she lost it and told me why do I always think it's something I did wrong - I left it a that - I know her no sense pushing it - as I'm getting supper ready - she said dad told me - I said about what - her reply is you know - at this point I really don't know what they talk about - so I said not really - that's when she came out and told me that he told her he had a gf - I said are you okay? she's very upset - I said it will be okay - what do you think about that - well she said I think its a little fast - I told Dad I don't want to meet her - I don't want to know her name. She said that he told her that he will always be there for her - she's number one - that he would never replace her, her brother or for that matter me. I told her I'm here for both her and her brother no matter what. We talked for a few minutes - I said to her - that it hurt me as well - and I'm not ready for another relationship - and that besides that - I don't really attract a lot of men - I said it rather facitiously - she got angry at me - and told me to quit putting myself down - that I was better than that - that I was a good mom - the best. Well my son came in at that point - he's very angry with his Dad - I can understand how he feels - in reality he also feels abandoned- he doesn't call him much - he waits for his dad to call which pisses my daughter off because she thinks he just wants Dad to prove that he loves him - I said - you know what, you could be right. so all is fun in my household again tonight - my son hugged me told me that we will be fine - that it wasn't my fault and that he knows that I love them and that I've been there no matter what.
It's pretty amazing how 17 and 20 year olds can see things for what they are - can give you hope and are more realistic about things then their own father.
It just pisses me off - there he is starting to dump even more of his responsibilities - and I will be there to pick them up. I hate being put in this position. My daughter also said she thinks her Dad is scared to tell her brother about the GF - there's no doubt in my mind that that is probably the truth - because - what respect my son has for him - will be gone with that piece of news - its not saying that they don't want their Dad to be happy - but they feel replaced.
So I guess - no matter how hard you try to do things amicably - shit happens and there are even more hard feelings then the inital ones. It just never seems to end - sorry for taking so much space - but the dog fell asleep and I've really got no one around to listen tonight.
Posted on 05/08/08, 07:05 pm