Divorce or dissolution of marriage is the ending of a marriage before the death of either spouse. The main causes of divorce in 2004, according to a recent study, were extra-marita...
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What is he doing & why?
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Any guys out there, please shed some light on this for me.
I've been broken up with a man for about 4 months now. He wanted to stay friends but I couldn't because I was in love with him. He didn't fall in love with me but still wants friendship. I went about a month with no contact. He sent me a book. I broke down and emailed. He continues to want to be friends. He is lonely I'm sure but doesn't want a relationship with me (or any body else he says). He has decided not to date (or so he says) until his kids are out of the house which is 2 years from now. He says he keeps coming back to finding he just wants his own time doing his hobbies. He emails me about 1-2 times a week mostly stating what he is doing. Almost like it's a journal entry. At the end of the emails he asks about me. I usually don't respond right away because I'm trying to get over him. Usually about 5 - 10 days I break down and respond or I forward funny emails, etc. What do I do about this, I don't know still if I can handle being just friends with him. We haven't run into eachother yet as we live very close to eachother and I'm very weary about that. His emails are so blah. I poured my heart out to him about how I still really care for him and he wrote back not even acknowledging what I had said except that he was sorry he hurt me. He still wants the friendship. What do I do, I can't get this fucking guy off my mind or out of my heart! I'm tired of carrying this around, I don't feel like I'm getting over it and still have hope he'll want me back some day. It just won't go away and I'm about ready for a labotomy! I'm really surprised he keeps me around by email, why is he doing this ??? Posted on 05/07/08, 09:05 pm |
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My stbx told me the same lines "I don't want to date other women, I just need to be alone and have my space, bla bla blac..." And I almost fell for it. But I found out that he started dating 2 days after he moved out. I think people say those things to keep their options open.
Have you asked yourself if you want him back? Do you still love him? 
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I think you need to take him at his word. If he wants to be friends, then he wants to be friends. If that is not what you want and it's too hard, then you need to take steps that you need. If you don't want to email him, then don't respond. You said you didn't think you were getting over it so it sounds to me that you need to cut off all communication again for your own mental health. Got get the book called "It's called a Breakup because it's broken". It will help you see the steps you need to end the relationship. But I would venture to say he's not coming back. Nothing indicates that he will. I'm sorry, I know it hurts.
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I read that book. Hence the 30 day no contact. I can set my watch by when he emails me. Every Sunday between 3 & 5.
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I'm sorry you're hurting but I have to agree w/ Cali. If he's telling you he just wants to be friends and isn't giving you any indication otherwise then that's it. You have deeper feelings toward him and you've been honest about them. Cut all communication. Sounds like he's stringing you along....just in case. Sorry, I know it hurts but if he has deeper feelings then he'll let them be known.
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be strong no contact is the way to go. he isn't going to date until his kids are gone? let me tell you i am loyal to my vows but when my divorce is final and the opportunity to date someone comes up i will. and my youngest is 14, i have a life too. you will see the phrase i want my cake and iwant to eat it too, that's what he is doing, you are his back up plan, i am willing to bet good money sooner or later he will try for some sex, if i didn't dislike my stbx so much i would be asking her to be my friend, but since i am observing the no contact rule i haven't talked to her or seen her in 4 1/2 months. all i can tell you is to stop pouring your heart out to him, and cease contact immediately, it will eventually help to get over him and start healing. good luck, i know it's hard.
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I agree with the woman on their perspective but I want to hear from men on here too.
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One thing my counselor told me about no contact. When or if I did respond to my ex pushing my button, all that did was tear me down and gave him a big old ego boost. "AW I can still push her button's she must still care". So don't even give this man the time of day, he's not giving you what you need. Hell I need to take my own advice! ; )
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IT's gotten to be like a bad habit now. The latest, I made it 10 days with no contact. He definately noticed. Then it was back to all about him again.
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That's because that's what he wants it to be, all about him. Is he thinking of you and your feelings?
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"I think people say those things to keep their options open."
What Run7 said -
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