What is Breakups Divorce

Divorce or dissolution of marriage is the ending of a marriage before the death of either spouse. The main causes of divorce in 2004, according to a recent study, were extra-marita...

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hope or reality
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I am having such a difficult time this past week dealing with reality versus false hope. My stbx and I have been getting along really well, even though he has told me many times that he cannot be there for me the way I want him to. I don't know why I keep holding out hope for someone who is really not good for me. He is too into himself and has a lot of issues to deal with, but I can't help feeling sorry for myself and wanting more. Any help on how to break free and see reality is greatly appreciated. I don't want to hurt anymore, and that's all I seem to be doing, is in a vicious cycle.
Posted on 05/05/08, 11:05 am
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Reply #1 - 05/05/08  11:53am
" all i can tell you is that there will come a day when you get tired of it all. and you will just pick yourself up and move on. seems to be different for everyone.
good luck
(((hugs))) "
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Reply #2 - 05/05/08  12:31pm
" be sure to take care of yourself. hope is good, but you don't want to build your future around it. "
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Reply #3 - 05/05/08  12:36pm
" He's telling you he can't be there the way you want him to but wants to maintain some kind of relationship w/ you. I know it's hard but try not to drop everything for him. Try and distance yourself a little. I'm not saying no contact but start doing things that make you happy and keep yourself busy. Keep the communication open and tell him how you feel. "
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Reply #4 - 05/05/08  12:40pm
" "I don't know why I keep holding out hope for someone who is really not good for me"


That right there is what you need to remember.
Also realize that you can not force someone to be with you, so work on yourself and if he wants to get back together, worry about it then, but right now you know he is not good for you and he is not wanting to be more than what is before you.
So think of yourself and every day things will get better. "
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Reply #5 - 05/05/08  2:01pm
" Story of my life...well, a bit over-dramatic. Story of my last 2 years. That's better!

It is so hard for me not to see EVERYTHING as a tiny sign of hope. But I have to stop. And I am. I literally am forcing myself to stop. But I know deep down inside, there is a tiny bit of hope.

In the meantime, I am doing what is best for me. I have/am in the process of filing for divorce. I send my stbx an email today, saying that when he comes back for our daughter's graduation, if he could rent a storage locker so I can begin to move his belongings he left behind into it. I don't want there to be a day, when he comes here and 'moves out'. He's been gone almost 3 years, so I don't feel the need to go through that. In doing it this way, I begin to claim my house as my own. I attended a new church yesterday, one that we have not gone to together.

In other words, even though you aren't quite able to let go of hope yet, do things that tell yourself that you are moving on.

Easier said than done, I know. "
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