Breakups & Divorce Support Group

You realize you're contradicting yourself?

You say you know it's selfish, but you follow that up with you think your kids would be better off?

And as far as God intervening, I'm sorry but everything I've read implies that He's not in the business of taking people to heaven just because it would be convenient for them.

Getting divorced is -not- the end of your life. In most cases, it's a chance to start over again.

Yes I know there is a contradiction. yes i know God is not in the business of taking people home just becuse they ask(otherwise I wouldn't be here now typing this.).
Divorce can be the end if it's not what you want. Who wants to think about starting over when all you have ever wanted is now crumbling around you.

Unless you are an abusive person I can't imagine your children would be better off without you. You are obviously in great pain and you at least have your wits about you enought to reach out on this site, take it a step further and see your Dr who might reccommend counseling for you or for you and your wife.

Not at all abusive. tried the counseling thing, no go. thx for suggestion.

It can feel like the end, but it's not.

I know, it does a number on your self-esteem, your sense of values, your ability to trust and many other things.

But it's not the end.

Pastafarian is right, I know it can feel like the end of the world but it's not. I'm sorry if your marriage is beyond repair, but fatherhood never ends and in what way would your children possibly be better off without their Dad?

Tired, I can hear how hurt and alone you feel and we have all walked in your shoes. it is so good to be here among the people here that have hurt right along with you, and when the pain is raw like I hear in your post, we think we are not going to make it , but the truth is that we do make it.. Not all at once, but one moment at a time. It is never better off for children to lose a loving parent and I can hear how much you love your children in your post,. Right now I know you want to stop crying and stop the pain, but it is a necessary part of starting to heal. You have experienced a death of the marriage and you have to grieve, and you may be tired, but you are not alone.. We are here with you and we will be with you until you can feel better on your own.. lean on us, talk in your journal and to us, and it will get better.. When it first happens, it is important to remember to eat, sleep, and to get some sort of exercise everyday.. Also to control those things around you that you can.. You don't have control of anyone else but you, so take care of you.. i am sending prayers of peace and comfort to you and a healing hug.. Kimmee

I don't have found children, but I have two small children. It's been 2.5 years since stbx called it quits. The early months did a real number on me. My thoughts and fears were seemingly unbearable at the time. It was like the world was crashing down all around me. But as others have said, it's not the end of the world. Oh, I know, I know, such a statement was cold comfort at the time. More useful was a statement that my mother told us as kids, "take one day at a time". Looking too far ahead into the future was self-defeating. I think my natural self kicked in and at the very least started tackling things that needed tackling. A roof over our heads, school, meals, etc. Oh, I was an emotional wreck, but regardless, those things needed taking care of.

Of course, my situation was also compounded with a change in management at work, adding a whole new layer of unneeded stress and anxiety. But again, one day at a time.

I've said it very often, but I wish I'd found DS sooner. It would have probably helped to take the edge off of a very tense situation. Oh, I had access to family and friends (but only via long distance).

I would frequently look in the mirror and say to myself "I will NOT let you (my circumstances) defeat me." Sure, I hit potholes, still do. But overall, I have survived and so have my two beautiful children.

Take one day at a time.

You will be fine in time. I suppose you will come to the same ultimate conclusion all men do. Your story is repeated over and over again every single day. There are many tears being shed out there. You are not alone.

It is more difficult for men simply becouse we are the only ones that still have the old fashoined values in which marraige is based.

I put myself under the claws of the greedy and selfish everytime I hear a story like yours. Watch the comments I get about being sexist and bitter and angry, all of which is bull chit.

Society has abondoned marraige in the name of self. Women fell for it hook line and sinker. You will find little if any relief in the form of support from them.

The laws, corrupt inner city rapper types, fake preachers, and text book silver spoon phycology all contibute to your lack of support.

This co dependancy as a sickness thing has ruined marraige I think.

I know I am way better off without my ex. She was an alcoholic with many problems. When I married her I was unaware of a lot of her difficulties dealing with life.

Becouse of my beliefs I was in the marraige for life.

"For better or for worse"

"Sickness and in health"

Remove the staying power and marraige is obsolete. A lifetime together is a series of ups and downs.

With todays values it is all upwordly mobile or bail out. There is no incentive to stay together. The throw away, self, me, prevails over all else.

Even in support groups you notice this new philosophy. If someone thinks of divorce it is 100% support to go ahead and do it. Not one asks, or suggests ways to save a troubled relationship. Its all immediate discard and start fresh. Its always the "other" who is at fault. Its always "You are phenominal", move on.

Its a sad state marraige is in.

We may end up a society of individuals. A society with artificial hugs, kisses, love, support, trust and so on. Every person truly for themseves. No one that is down to earth, open, up front, or animated to another completely.

Heres a song most of these selfish husband dumpers get all mushy about. Yet they are so greedy and horny for a fantasy relationship they miss the meaning of the words completely.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YRX...

I am so sorry that you are going thru this difficult time. I know that in time you will agree with me and remain silent, like all men do in todays "Me" world.

Good luck and keep praying. God is the only comfort available to you I am afraid. He will lift you from this in a very remarkable way.

(hugs)

how i know that feeling your experiencing. i came very close to committing suidcide twice in the beginning, i call it the devastation/dying period. thats all i could feel. i know how hard this is losing the person you thought you would spend the rest of your life with. you probably won't want to hear this, but it does get better. we are all going through the same thing, various stages from beginning to being happy and dating again. please be strong. your small children need you. try to ask God to get you through your grief. i admire all the men hear, the feeling and emotion that you pour out. please know that we are glad your here, and we will try to be as supportive and encouraging as we can. your life is not slipping away, it's going in a differnet direction, i know, not one you chose, but none the less, embrace it. i was where you are 8 months ago. i recieved the same words i'm telling you. i'm here, i made it. your going to be ok.