Breakups & Divorce Support Group

And I am one of those people; only I did it for me. He begged to say ... his crap went out on the front lawn and the locksmith arrived 30 minutes after my local "public servants" escorted his sorry butt away.

My regret is ... I waited FAR TOO LONG, gave FAR TOO MUCH forgiveness, and WAY TOO MANY chances. He knows it now though!! Too late, boo-hoo-hoo. Shoulda thought of that when you had your ... (well, nevermind).

LOL

I stayed far too long also.. I was trying not to be one of those "throw away" people. I wish I had learned the lesson sooner, but I guess I would not be where I am today..

Teadrinker, there are a great many of us who have had men do this to us. The sad part is, my gay friends say they HATE guys like this.

For the longest time I avoided using the term "gay" when speaking about my ex. I think they themselves hate being gay. I don't know about you but for me the whole thing felt like a "double punch"..first he misled me that he was "straight", then he cheated on me..but really what he was doing was using me for a cover!

hug
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Great topic. I think, to a degree, even the BEST of relationships have at least a tiny amount of co-dependancy in them. Each party relies on the other for a certain fulfillment of needs.

In bad ones of course its often a very lopsided situation. And in my case, my stbx left me in a situation where I was left like an amnesia victim, unable to recall who I was and where I came from! And thats nobody's fault but my own. And I am still learning how to rediscover myself even now. Sounds flaky I know, but painfully true.

Did she do me a favor? I don't know if I'd call it that, I am just playing the cards I am dealt. But I am more self-aware than I ever was, I notice all the mistakes I made and am more appreciative of things. So I guess thats a good thing.

even though it hurts me a lot, i believe that my ex did me a favor too, his is an alcoholic who is selfish and self-centered, only cares about what he needs and wants. as long as it benefited him, he was satisfied, once there was nothing left to give, i was cast aside for the next one. as hard as it is, i'm moving on for myself, and building a wonderful life for me.

Paul you hit on the nail for me.
I was always the one with the problem. When I adjusted to her wants, well she still wasn't happy. Mine is a self proclaimed control freak. And I did depend on her for support, but never got it. I was always denied what ever it was that I needed. Except for sex. It was like a game for her. I was even told after 2 years that you are going to be last, and thats just the way it is. So I became more needed as they say because I was denied the basic's that anyone would need from a relationship. But all her needs where numero uno. So I believe we can become co dependant. Especially when we are being used. I think true love means that you partner is looking out for you as well. I was cocky, strong, confident and out going. Then after five years of being beaten down...there wasn't much left of the man I was. Just this quiet, lonely person. I would have done anything to get what I needed, maybe thats when I became dependant. I believe that Paul is right, what would a relationship be with depending on each other. But I do believe that by the standards being portrayed today to rely on someone for anything in todays world is deemed weird somehow. But thats just more of the insane me me world....

Sorry bout all the typo's very emotional subject for me, as it was so much of what I went through....

I too accept some of the responsibility that happened in my marriage. I stayed far too long. The problem is that I'm far too trusting and I shouldn't have been. His lies almost did me in, but I'm not allowing myself to be destroyed by him.

Like one of my sister's told me.... "you are a beautiful person inside and out, pick yourself up, dust your self and stand up tall and don't look back."

I have a good future ahead of me. The pain of the betrayal sometimes hits me like a ton of bricks but it is becoming less and less and I so appreciate the small things in life.

My ex acutally told me he was doing me a favor by dumping me (though i think he meant this in a cold heartless way)---yes, I do think they did us a favor. I was dying to be married to a person that constantly talked down to me and made me feel worthless.