Breakups & Divorce Support Group

Hmm...not loving the word choice "compete with his kids" but that aside, just be supportive and understanding. Reassure him that you know and agree that his kids come first.

Thank you. Im trying. Your right I dont like those words either. Let me rephrase that. What do I do to make him understand that Im not a threat to his relationship with his kids.

would you really respect him if he left his kids home in the middle of the night to be with you? My Friend has a 14 year old daughter and unless it's for work purposes he doesn't leave her home alone in the middle of night. I wouldn't do it to my kid.

here's a males perspective and I've come out from under my rock recently.
I am the main caregiver of my children, and I've actually been on a date and had to leave to run home to get my son's asthma medicine because he forgot to take the bag i packed.
You cannot and will not be able to compete with the kids. If you feel that is too much to handle, you should break it off now.
Don't think selfishly that the man is still in love with his ex to see the kids, that's hogwash.
I know for me personally, to be allowed by a court to only see my children legally 183 days per year and have to pay her money for it, doesn't sit well with me one iota. If she fell off the planet, I'd get to see them 365 and would suit me fine.
So, if you like this person, you'll enjoy your time with him when you do get to see him. A month isn't that long of a time, and if he likes you, and in enough time has passed whereas he can feel secure about his children's whereabouts even at 8pm, then stay the course.
You really should feel blessed you'd found a guy who's into his kids instead of faulting him for going to their beckon call.
He's far from dysfunctional but only based on your limited description of him.
All the best.

after reading your second part, I like your questioning better.
what you can do is, just be there for him if/when he wants to see you, he's going to call you.
Don't let the children be the focus of your time with him.
As well, don't point to the ex.
One month isn't a single blip on a radar of a lifetime or even a short romance to start thinking of the children are an issue.
First sense of a woman giving me a rash about my kids when I tell her we can possibly go out in 9 days from now, I just simply delete her from my existence or not so far off, give her time to realize having a day with me in 9 days, is better than no day with me at all.
best to you here.

23...there is a time and place for everything. He needs to make appropriate time for you.
I do agree as a single dad that my kids needs have to come before mine but you have to balance that out. Doesn't sound like he is in a good place where he should be dating now.

Ready made : It is always hard to date someone with children young and old...I personally have found since I have chidren of my own that I would rather date someone who either has grown kids that r gone or someone with none..The drama is always tuff and u end up (for the most part) being 2nd fiddle good luck.. LOL

Not sure how long he has been divorced, but maybe he is still trying to get his footing and find some balance in his life. But I have to say that if you have only been seeing the guy a month it seems early to be obsessing about how much time you are spending together. A date once a week at that point should be more than sufficient.

You can't compete with the children. They will always come first. I have had this conversation with the woman I am with now and we both understand that our children's needs will always come before each others. If you like him give it time to see if he is at least putting in some effort to make time for you. If you are going to have a problem with him finding time for you now it may be time to move on.

How long has he been separated/divorced?