Breakups & Divorce Support Group

Hello, everyone. Please read my profile for a little background. I am living with my husband in a bad marriage--no papers filed, PA does not have a "legal separation", just divorce. Have been living together mostly for financial reasons and weakness on my part. For the first time in 8 years of mostly un or under-employment, my husband got a 'real" promising job in July. I have been in bad shape for almost a year because of collapsed hip (avascular necrosis) and recent (5 weeks ago) total hip replacement. But, I managed to get a jog during that time and am on temp disability at full salary.

Today, after only 5 months, he says the new job is ending at the end of the month.Not his fault of course, company going under, etc. This is th 3rd (or 4th??) jobin the last year He manages to get laid off or fired from every job. This has been constant for 8 years, The last time he lost a job, he abused pills and stumbled around, got a temp job and was fired. This was last March, when I was in horrible pain (no insurance for needed surgery at that time).

I told him when he got the last job that if he lost it,not to come home. Well, he comes home, casually saying the job is ending. When I told him this was it, he acted surprised, and said he has no where to go. He has not friends and s pretty much alienated from his family. But I MUST have him leave. I can not go down this road again. I will die if I have to. I can't keep up the house, etc. by myself, so will have to sell, move, etc. One kid at home. A HS senior. I guess she can forget about college now. The only thing dependable about him is that he will f*** up anything remotely good (sorry). This last job was the first time we had a combined income that even broke even. I spent a lot of time raising kids while he dragged us around the country (for no reason it turns out). In 2002, when he was laid off, I went to work, and started out-earning him wihtin a couple of years. I now make more than he has ever made in about 30 years of working. But it is not enough to support house, etc. on just my salary (luckily I have a job to go back to---cleared to go back by ortho surg. today--Jan. 7). but I am old-55 and other joints could go and other health problems. I look good, though (hah, kidding, but I do look young and my shrink is trying to convince me my life is not over)

My problem is that he will not leave and says I can't make him. He is dragging me down into his hell hole and I am depressed and losing my will to live. I must DO Something different--even if it is just to be alone for a while to get my head straight. This keeps on happening over and over again. He craps out and I don't follow through on splitting.

Any ideas or support at all would be most welcome. I just can't believe this is happening AGAIN (stupid of me, because he always craps out.

Thanks for listening. Lucy
Posted on 12/13/07, 12:12 am