Divorce or dissolution of marriage is the ending of a marriage before the death of either spouse. The main causes of divorce in 2004, according to a recent study, were extra-marita...
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How Do I Get Through This
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On June 28/08 my husband called me "on the phone" to tell me he wanted out of our 11 year marriage! I was so stunned I could barely stand. I was crying and shaking so bad when I tried to call my brother it took me 5 times to even dial their number. In 11 years we have never had any kind of ugly fight.Sure we had disagreements about when to buy certain things,etc.etc. but have always got along.I even drove a big truck with him for four years just so we could pay for the land we purchased.Four years in an enclosed quarters and we were best friend. His reason for the divorce...he said he was unhappy.He had never mentioned to me one time he felt that way.He said he wanted out from under any responsibilities,incl. our home,bills and marriage.He said he wanted to change his job within the next year so he wouldn't have to be away,coming home weekends.We are far from any kind of financial crisis. I suggested we sell our home & acreage and pay cash for a smaller home.This would allow him to change positions immediately.Move closer to his family so he could spend more time with them.(only 1hr away from us) Every reason he gave me for the divorce I gave him a solution. At the end of the conversation he said, "No, I just want out." I know since the end of May he had started talking to a woman driver who works for the same company as he (10yrs older than me)my husband is 15yrs younger than me. (I guess i should write a book "My Younger Husband Found An Older Woman!)I could see from the cell phone bill they were spending a lot of time talking. Within one month of talking to her he told me he wanted out. I believe he may have mentioned to her he was unhappy and what may have been a small spark in his mind grew to a bondfire. He insists they are just friends but I believe this woman wrapped a rope around him and started pulling from day one. Just last week I saw an email where he has also contacted an old class mate he hasn't been in touch with in years. I believe he must have bumpued into her when he was seeing his brother in the small town he grew up. The email showed them exchanging cell phone # and she said she would call him that afternoon. That was just last Thurs. the day after our home went up for sale. Our dream home that we worked so many years to be able to get to the place where we could build. We spent 4 years just developing our land and had so much fun and feeling of accomplishment. Now I've only been living in it 2 years and it's all over. I have no family here at all,they all live in Canada and really no friends. I feel like a tiny little speck sitting in the middle of what feels "no where". I have lost 12 pounds in a month and don't care whether I eat,or do anything for that matter. I just can't seem to get my head wrapped around any of this reason for divorce.I talk to him now for about 10 min. a day. He is continuing to pay the bills and is friendly but he is moving quickly forward to what he calls " his new life." I can't believe he can just take 11 years, throw it all away without even making an effort.
My family was totally shocked,they can't understand what the heck he is thinking. Just need someone to talk to that understands. Posted on 07/20/08, 06:07 pm |
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Hi I am not in your situation but I found out suddenly after being married for about 15 yrs that my husband preferred men and like you it was a horrendous shock as it came from nowhere and turned my life upside down. I stayed for another 5 yrs as my kids were teenagers at the time and then got out and I am much happier now. It is hard to come to terms with but you can do it there is a light at the end of the tunnel, you will need to be strong and I am sure it doesn't seem as if that is possible. Try counselling if you have nobody to talk to it helped me come to terms with the fact that it wasn't my fault, that is the worst part you start believing that it must have been something you did and it isn't. 
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Thank you so much for your posting angelglory,I really appreciate it. Yes, the whole thing is just such a shock. Especially since I always considered my husband my best friend, but now I feel so betrayed that he didn't share such an important feeling with me. I think his reason for wanting a divorce is more along the lines that he doesn't want to answer for anything thing or to anyone (especially a wife) since he so quickly started friendships with diff. women. I guess it's more like he just wants to be free and be a "player". There is an age diff. with us but I've always been told I look at least 10 yrs. younger than I am. I have a nice figure,slim petite build. Have lots of energy...even more than him. The biggest obstacle for me is his lack of desire to even try to make our marriage work.
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Hi my wife did this too me I was desraught she left me a nervous wreck a bankrupt and with no hope I lost 28 pounds in three weeks and made myself ill your in the right place for some support from others who have been through the same I am one it does get better time is a great healer you cannot account for the actions of others just have to accept and move on with your life it's not easy I know from my personal experiance but I have started to make a new life and hope you will too.
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I DO understand. It is far worse than a physical pain. You just want to pull the covers over your head and never wake up. I wouldn't wish that misery on anyone. Then I realized it was a life lesson for me. I was depending on him to make me happy and take care of me. I needed to learn that I am stronger than I think and was just lacking the confidence. I CAN make it on my own. Do I want to? Hell no. Am I happy? No but I am not as sad either. Just take it one day at a time and know you are not alone in your suffering. Big Hugs, Cris. Sorry you must hurt but know you will come out stronger than you ever thought was possible.
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