What is Breakups Divorce
Divorce or dissolution of marriage is the ending of a marriage before the death of either spouse. The main causes of divorce in 2004, according to a recent stud...
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I love you but.......
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I Love you but I am not “In LOVE with you….Or something like this
Yes I bet just about most of the people here on this site have heard the I love you but..speech and what has followed usually happens in the normal reactions of it… One thing that you will hear that you will hear over and over gain on this site..especially from me is you MUST STOP ...Begging and pleading…It rarely works. In fact you run the risk of having your partner think you are pathetic and contemptible and add to the negativity already running within the relationship. Pathetic is as far as you can get from attractive, and attractiveness is one of the key ingredients that people want in a partner. Of course, your departing spouse might take pity on you but this usually only last for a short while. In the long run they will do as their “heart desires” and leave. If you plead, beg and bargain you may get a partner feeling guilty, but this is not a recipe for success, they are not likely to stay long term. If guilt is the reason for them to stay they apt to leave again later on with an even colder, more resentful and harder heart. So, you should not plead, beg, bargain, demand, threaten, accuse, browbeat, or cajole All this will ultimately do is turn your partner off. I say this all the time and I know I sound like a broken record…BUT do the opposite of what you think is ‘the way things ought to work’…opposite of what you’ve have tried in the past that did not work (and perhaps even made things worse). You will need not to act on "feelings" and not to act out or frustration and anger. (Reaction.) You will need to put aside much of what you think you know about relationships and how to restore a relationship that has come undone. Clinging is neediness, it is too much emotional dependency and unwillingness to let go. Clinging in a relationship even when the relationship looks like it is 'going well' (on the surface) tends to smother love. Clinging does not allow a partner to be free. If one partner clings to the other partner then that person is denied his or her right to choose whether they stay or leave the relationship. If they feel deprived of the choice then this will tend to reinforce the longing to leave. They will be apt to push with even more determination to be free. Read this story to emphasize what clinging can do for you http://dailystrength.org/people/94... But the main advice I can give to all of you is to begin to work on yourself and become the type of partner that ANYONE would be attracted to and would want in their lives. Put the focus on you and work on your issues and goals. Reality probably is that this person is NOT the right person for you…and you are probably better off without them in your life Posted on 05/16/08, 09:05 pm |
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Standing and applauding you!!! You are so right :) Thanks Paul(((hugs))) 
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I agree with debbirdo. I begged once and will never do it again. I had pleaded with him not to do this to our children. He came back the same day and here I am again. The OW can have him. She's not the first and won't be the last.
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Okay, so where were you four weeks ago? Now I have to start all over!
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Thank you for sharing. You are so right on this.
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Coming from the other side... My ex begged and pleeded and i just thought she was desperate. Now i wish my heard head would have listened and seen what a great person she truly was. In other words, her begging and pleading didnt get me to stay but looking back I respect her so much for trying....No sure what that means for advice :(
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I agree--one time a long time ago my stbx left--I begged him to return--he did and now here I am again only financially worse off. It would have been much better had I let him go before.
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thank you. i'm proud to say that i have not made any contact in 8 months now. oh, in the beginning, 2 months of calling crying begging. how true it is, it does not work. and you know what, he really did me a favor by letting me go. i get stronger everyday, and i know now, he is not for me. i don't want that kind of man in my life. so please everyone that reads this, listen and let it open up your eyes. let go, go on with your lives on your own. make it the best you can. there is so much life out here and it's great.
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I wholeheartedly agree. Especially with your last paragraph.
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