Breakups & Divorce Support Group

I'm not sure how old you are but I'm 51 and I say dump his cheating ass. Probably not the best advice.

I have the I told you family also. It hurts and you feel worth less and sick or at least I do. Where do you go from here. I am meeting with an attorney on Monday to file. Sorry for your pain and loss....

oh lord hon, we're here for you..just about everyone here..been there done that..and btw dam him! for hurting you

Once they cheat, they not only disrespected you, but they disrepected your marriage vows. I would not even try to understand cheating. While it is a blow to you, please try to think about what you can do for you to get on with your life. You might cry at night as I did when I was abused. You will think of him for some time to come, he was and is your husband. But, I would concentrate on what you can do for outside activiity to keep your mind busy and off him. I won't tell you not to forgive him, that has to come from you and what you can live with. I will say that once they cheat, it usually does not stop there with one time. I hope you are not asking yourself what you could have done better to keep him from cheating. Sometimes, men cheat, and so do women. I made a friend while I was away at school. He was married, and we just got to see each other at school. When my training ended, he said he wished we could be more than friends. I respected his marriage, and I told him that I will always be a friend in memory, but I was not going to ever hurt a woman who was married to a man. Some women say, well, if the woman had made him happy, he wouldn't have been looking. I say if a woman says no to a married man then the wife has the chance to save the marriage by talking to the husband and the husband talking to his wife. I do wish you the best, but please find outside activity to occupy your mind.

As hard as it is all you can really do is continue making your goals and working toward them. They may change a little now, but your kids are what is important. Steadily things will get better.

You deserve better than a cheating spouse! that's how you start to move on to a better place! Go look in the mirror and say "I deserve better than to be cheated on"..and if you can't say it..then tape a note to the mirror that says "I deserve better than to be cheated on!".

I eventually made a list of things I deserved better than...put it on my refrigerator, so I'd see it every morning.

I'm so sorry you are hurting, this stuff is rotten to go through....I eventually threw the list out..the crying stopped and my life is going on. Many of us here have been through this, it isn't easy, it isn't fun, you don't get a tshirt when it's over..and we don't wish it on our worst enemy...so welcome friend, I'm sorry to meet you under these circumstances, but glad to meet you none the less!

Well, is he willing to do anything to save the marriage? Like counseling?

If yes, and you want to, then I would say give counseling a try.

If he's not willing, then it's onward with the divorce. You have to for your own sake. If he cheated, and is not willing to do the work necessary, then you cannot give him another inch.

Unfortunatley, we all know your pain, in one way or another. Stay here with us, and we'll help you get through.

How old are your kids?

Well Y' we're here for you. that's what we do. I personally know your hurt. And from my experience I say to honest with yourself in whatever you do; you'll find it's harder than you think. It hurts now but it does get better. The one thing you don't want to do but you'll do anyway is give him an excuse for what he did by finding flaws with yourself. If you know for a fact that you were the best wife you could be then you have nothing to be ashamed of. I personally can't jump on the wagon and say end your marriage, although you have decided to do just that. I think our hearts end up hurting because we fall for the fairytale and the way things are "supposed" to be. When things don't go that way it damn near kills us. What's hard to realize is that we expect our spouses to be inpenetrable and there are no supermen or wonderwomen. When you need to find a way to live with everything you will need to fully understand that you married a human being..imperfect as we are. I have a relationship with my(now) ex-husband because after the hurt, pain, tears and hate, I am so much better for having known him. I can do that because he was my best friend at some point. He has been a beautiful asset to my life and I am thankful for the experience. I haven't yet forgiven him, if it's meant to be it will come. I understand that feeling on the inside that needs something the other can't seem to provide. I know it because I've been there. During the time we were separated he wasn't a total ass. He wanted to be with me and have a life with me. This is why I can still deal with him. Unlike a lot of ex's he was fairly ok. You have kids with this man and for their sakes you have to find a way to hurt, be a good mom, function in society and heal. It's all hard to do but there are so many living examples of people doing it, right here.

Good luck...Stay here with us and let us be your support system. It works. I promise.

Yhanisha...there just isn't an easy way when something like this happens....I was a complete mess when I got here, questioning everything just like you are right now and people helped me to. No, not fully better...but writing in my journal, sharing stories, and just venting have helped a great deal! Try doing that....just write it all out. It does help and you will feel better for it. AND don't listen the the, "I TOLD YOU SO's"...it is what it is. We understand here. :)