Breakups & Divorce Support Group

I know how you feel. I have to see and talk to my husband because of our daughter. Sometimes he is so nice to me and I see glimpses of the man I love...and I crave more. But then I think he is only being nice to me because he is trying to keep me from being angry so I will let him have his no fault divorce and not "take him to the cleaners" (his words). I don't know what to tell you...because I am in the same place as you...still so wrapped up in the pain that I can't see past it. All I can do is let you know that you are not alone.

hon said it before cut all contact..you're gonna be stuck where you are forever if you dont..i know its hard and it hurts and it sucksBUT YOU HAVE TO DO IT!..its only hurting you

i also got a unlisted/unpublished home phone number and a new cell number..he can contact me by email..thats it

I already changed my cell # this weekend. It was killing me to keep looking at the damn thing to see if he had texted, plus I didn't want to drive myself crazy on Mother's day looking, so I decided to just change it.

Just my opinion from experience. Truth is your ex isnt doing anything. You are allowing him back in. But the problem is, it's renting space in your head now. Questions like: Does he want me back? WHy did he call? is he trying to tell me somehting? Am I over analyzing a phone call? You have no control over those questions which thens throws you into a tailspin. And perhaps at first it felt great when he called because our mind wants us to believe things are going to turn into a possible reconciliation, but then was followed with confusion or pain. it;s like an emotional jolt that sustained us for a bit, but then went away. THIS time right now is where you can do the most growth. THIS time right now is when you can do the work in order to not feel as if a simple phone call can bring such a wave of questions with no answers. It starts inside of us. Appreciate your free time right now in order to not feel as if our ex's can dictate our moods and days with contact. But for that, you may need to draw boundaries and detach for a while from him. Ask yourself if you are able to do that. Theres SLAA groups and books that are helpful. "Codependent No More" is a good one. Anyway, I may be off key here and make no sense at all. Just an opinion. And opinions are like...............well you get it. Good luck to you.

Kitty, I think you answered your own question. It is keeping you stuck in a rut and therefore he see he has ownership in your feeling. Somehow as difficult as it seems you should probably ignore him or not respond immediately after contact. If you respond to his calling you may give hime the opinion you are needy and he may think he can keep you imbalanced..Just a thought