Breakups & Divorce Support Group

It means to me that you love to love and be loved. I would however take this time to make YOU happy and not anyone else.. My stbx was the first "real" man in my life. Never wanted to get married until him.. funny thing is never want to get married again! It's lonely at times, but it's all good. I can do whatever I want when I want because I'm FREE of making someone else happy!

Maybe that you need some time to figure out who you are when it's just you?
You have a tremendous opportunity to learn and to grow.
You can do this.

Want and need are two very different things. Maybe some time alone will help you figure this out?

I know that no one wants to be alone, but I think sometimes we need tobe alone for a while to figure it all out,to take good care of and focus on no one other than ourselves. its not an easy thing to do, but I think it often makes us see who we truly are and what and who we really want in our lives.

I wish you the best on this healing journey. The ride may be bumpy..but I think so well worth it.

Thank you all, such great feedback! The thing is that I have 2 kids full time and so I am never really alone, but mentally I suppose so. I need to be happy with me to make someone else happy. I agree...

I think it was U2 that said something along the line of...

And a woman needs a man, like a fish needs a bicycle.

No, you don't -need- one.

Like you, I also always needed a man in my life to feel "complete". But now I made a conscious choice to not date for at least 3 months. I realize that after each relationship, instead of facing my emotions and figuring out what went wrong, I jumped straight into another relationship in order to distract me from the real issues and the emotions. I started seeing a therapist and she told me "It sounds like you always use action to deal with your emotions. Try to feel your feelings instead of acting on them". So I'm trying to do just that. It's been tough but I'm proud to say that I haven't given out my number to the guys who have asked me out in the past 3 weeks! I have to love myself first and be comfortable being myself, alone, with no men to distract me. I know it's hard and it can be lonely but ultimately it's your choice. Just remember that there are many people on DS that are choosing to remain single and alone.

No one wants to be alone forever but it sounds like you need this alone time to focus on yourself and your own wants and needs. Don't let someone else become your focus-until you truly know yourself you won't be completely fulfilled in life. Take this time with your kids and with yourself-make sure you make time for just you.

I believe everyone needs to feel they are loved and wanted. Some people are lucky enough to find a life partner that wants to be there with them "til death".

I have decided that there will probably never be another "special man" in my life. So I instead try and fill my life with my family and friends. I am not even looking now. I did eat dinner with a friend and took a walk on the beach, but when he tried to put his arm around me I felt like a filly ready to bolt. I told him I did not want to be touched. From that experience I have decided I am no where near ready to have any kind of relationship. Don't really want to hurt anyone or myself. So I have chosen to be alone.

I so relate to this, yet the "new" me is rather enjoying NOT having a man (other than my son, step son, brother-in-law, etc..) in my life. For the FIRST time in my life...my needs come first! My wants, my desires. Being able to indulge myself with a bubble bath, a 1/2 hr in the hot tub...an hour knitting, reading a book, baking bread...nothing extravagant...just simple joys are now all mine to enjoy. I'm able to support myself, own my own place...and for now, that's good, time and space of my own, standing on my own two feet. I never thought I'd be so pleased to be on my own and alone..but for now it's working for me.

i have to say that for me having a man in my life has not quite been the key to being happy. i hope that learning to find my happiness in myself may eventually make it possible to have happiness AND a man in my life, but they have been mutually exclusive recently.

btw, you have the cutest avatar--it looks like a clam would make you happiest!