Breakups & Divorce Support Group

In order to understand divorce, you have got to have your boots on the ground.

It's no good to look down from the skies and say you understand what is going on down below you to someone else who is going through it.

There is no way you can describe the pain, the destruction of divorce in such a way that someone on the outside who has no prior experience with it can understand it.

You can't express the pain in visceral enough terms that someone else will feel as if their stomach is tearing. You can't express how the desire to sleep both comforts you and haunts you; the dreams turn into nightmares, and rest is always just out of your grasp.
You can't express the emotional and mental devastation. It's as if your mind freezes on that moment of shock when you first find out, and the image slowly slowly plays out over time. Each grotesque detail sits there etched in your mind's eye. And no matter what do you try to do to put another image there, the details remain.

There is no ironic twist, there is no laugh track, there is no narrator to reassure you that this is all make believe.

You are left all alone sifting through memories that you used to look at for comfort. Now they only bring doubt, and that doubt brings pain as you consider that everything may have been a lie.

Who is that person? When did they become someone else? Were you sleeping when the person who loved you died, or did they ever really love you to begin with?

Sifting through the ashes of what used to be a future together, everything becomes a piece of something else.

It becomes hard to see straight, and your sanity toys with leaving you.

You want to reach out, but you're afraid the arms that catch you won't be able to hold you or understand you.

You want to cry out, but the sounds you make are primal grunts and sobs with no connotations, no translations.

This new reality is dawning on you, and it blinds as it illuminates.

It takes time to adjust not just physically, but on every other level as well.

It will get better.

And you will find as you go that more people than you imagined have had their boots on the ground. You will share stories, you will find strength in the pain that everyone brings with them.

You Are Not Alone.
Posted on 05/05/08, 09:05 pm