Bipolar disorder (previously known as manic depression) is a diagnostic category describing a class of mood disorders where the person experiences states or episodes of depression ...
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Coming Clean
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Okay, I am 25 and for the past 7 years I have lived out on my own. I have lived a decent life with finincial situations until I got addicted to drugs. Last year I lost everything and had to go into rehab. I am now 25 with almost everything gone I have worked for and have extreme guilt living with the family. I was diagnoised bipolar, and I have trouble sourting out my past. I have never had any good relationships always short ones and I always got bored easy. I lied to people about my credintials. I was selfish and probley hurt "a lot" of people in my past. I am feeling guilty and I have flashbacks of all my 1 night stands and all the people that I lied to just to sleep with etc.. I know I can't live in the past because I am better than that. I have only been with 1 person since rehab, and I have only done the drugs the doctors give me. It's so hard coming clean because I have to sit here and while I regain my memory I have flashbacks of my bad deeds. Has anyone else had problems like this? Does it get better? I need advise?
I want to be a better person and get clean, but my past is haunting me so bad. Posted on 11/22/07, 05:11 pm |
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Yes it gets better. I have to think awhile and reply in a bit 
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you have to think a while for a better response? Okay :) I guess..
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Have never been where you are, but you can't change the past. Just live your life in the best way you can to prove that you are a better person, helping others always makes up for any ill you have done.
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Even with your meds you will have you good days and bad. You may always feel in some way guilty...but if you let the flashbacks and the guilt of your past control you...then you won't become any better of a person.
I get flashbacks from my life too...even the ones that I didn't do(don't ask). However, I have to decide whether I'm willing to let them control me or not. It DOES get better...but it comes down to 2 things. One, do you want to get better?? Which you've already said you do. and Two, can you let go enough to move forward just a little??? And I believe you can. You seemed to have proved already that you're moving in the right direction. If you let your past guilt hauntings control you...you will slip...and that may cause a relapse. Since you don't want that...perhaps taking just ONE day at a time. By the way, congratulations on your sobriety.
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Let your past be your past. It is already set in stone, the present if what you can mold and shape, and the future is only filled with endless possibilities. Don't beat yourself up over things. There is not one single human who can say that he/she has done everything perfectly. As far as the flashbacks of the one night stands, if I did that I would have the light for a major city. Just live your life for today with your eye on tomorrow.
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Alot of the things that have happened to me in my past and things I've done to other people are almost unmentionable. I always felt bad but kept it up along with drug use and alcohol. This behavior was directly related to my un dx BP. You are now on meds and know you have a chance to pick up your life at 25 (still a baby). You are fortunate. I would say kiss the past goodbye and conentrate on a bright future now that you know the problem. Self loathing and damnation are lethal for us. Dosn't mean your not sorry just means ok now I know and move on. Give yourself a great chance to start fresh:)
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Our past will ALways haunt us if we don't put it down, like a heavy suitcase, and walk away. Walk away from everything that you are no longer responsible for fixing, sweetie.
Which is probably a lot, if not most, of it. You Have to get up every morning, look in the mirror, and say "I am who I am, Today! Not yesterday, not last year, Today!" ...and it AIN'T easy. I still do it. Every day. :)
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HMMMMM!! I like that alot Soul:)
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Yes, Yes, I did the sex, drugs and rock and roll. I was manic and anything went. Iying, cheating ,stealing - you name it I did it. I get flashbacks to, but they don't ruin my self esteem. The past is gone. We'll probably have to work real hard to make up for the past, but, it's possible. It will get better.
peace, teresa
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