Grief is a multi-faceted response to loss. Although conventionally focused on the emotional response to loss, it also has a physical, cognitive, behavioural, social and philosophic...
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How We Heal
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I recently received a sympathy card from someone I've only met once or twice. She told me about how she lost her 6 month old child to SIDS and lost another to stillbirth on the day he was due to be born. She made a statement that I thought was appropriate.
So many of us say how untrue the saying is that "Time heals all wounds", and would have to agree. I don't feel that time heals everything, but as my friend put it, time forms a callous over the wound so that it doesn't hurt as much any more. We've all had blisters before... sometimes from shoes that are too tight or from working in the garden all day, and all the constant rubbing against skin forms a painful blister. That's like our grief - a constantly painful rubbing, at least at first. However, as time goes on, the rubbing causes the skin to become hard and callous, and it doesn't hurt as much anymore. It actually stands up to the pain a little better. I think that's exactly how I feel. That pain will always exist in me, at least a little, but as time goes on I am better able to process those feelings, and they are not as devastating to me - an emotional callous, more or less. But the wound is certainly not healed, and never will be. Its a permanent part of me that my mind and body have learned to cope with. Does anyone else think this makes sense? Posted on 03/08/07, 10:03 am |
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my mom lost her mom young. she always said that you had to be able to put it on a shelf and bring it out every once in awhile and deal with it.
she still says that there are times when shes feels that she was robbed of things in life. i know that the hole in my heart will never heal but it will be easier to deal things that still upset me as time goes by. i hope to be able to fully and unconditionally love my next grandchild as much as i loved Gavin. i don't want a callous on my heart. the hole will be just fine. 
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Thats exactly the way time works with pain and sorrow.You explained it well.My oldest son died 10 years ago.The pain has calloused over like a bad sore healing over,but the heartache remains embedded within my heart.If it was picked like a sore it would bleed freely and be extreamly painful.We cope we dont ever get over pain completely.
Well said!
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Yes it DOES make sense. Well put. I will have to remember that to explain to others who don't know how to talk about it with me.
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very well said. i did not feel like that when i lost my father, friends and other loved ones, but, overtime, that rings so true about the callous. thanks for sharing.
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Yes, I was low on energy yesterday, and cried for Isaac a little, but not near what I was feeling at first. It will never be the same without him, but it has gotten less miserable.
I think sometimes it is difficult to let go of some feelings, like guilt, because we think somehow we are betraying them - but we never forget them. It is a good thing to come around at some point and be able to enjoy the things they once enjoyed. My daughter took me to Isaac's favorite resturaunt (the same name, but not the same building) I didn't think I would ever be able to do that again. And she made me a CD with some of his favorite songs. The first time I listened to it, I sobbed. But every time I listen to it again, the pain is less, and the love again is more.
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right on! truer words were never spoken and i needed to hear those words tonight-thank you
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Completely makes sense.
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i am sorry i can not compare the pain of losing my wife to a blister
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