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Reply #1 -
08/16/07
12:09pm
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Seeing the stone for the first time is very painful because it makes the nightmare too real. I am glad that you decided to go with your Dad, so you will have eachother to lean on. When I went the first time, my husband said that I should not go alone, but I wanted to. I have always been a person who likes to be by themselves when they are upset. Anyway, when I walked up and saw Mom's and my brothers stones right next to eachother with the dates only 4 months apart, it was painful beyond words, and I should have gone with someone. I will be praying for you and your Dad's strength to get through this. I am so sorry for your significant loss. Hugs.....Donna 
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Reply #2 -
08/16/07
1:02pm
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I agree with mamasgrl, you both need to go there and support each other. It's not going to be easy... but doing it alone would be a nightmare. My daddy (he'll always be my daddy) died 3 years ago...
He wouldn't have invited you if he didn't want you to be there with him for support, you'll lean on each other during this difficult time. It'll be a time for you to bond even more than ever before. Cherish the opportunity of him wanting you there... and not having anybody to go with... I didn't have anybody to go with, and it was a horrible.
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Reply #3 -
08/16/07
3:00pm
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For me, when Teya's headstone got put up, it was a relief. I know it was a relief for Leroy too because we felt so guilty that our daughter had to lay there in vain without any proper markings. To be honest with you, I don't remember if I went alone or with someone else the first time I viewed Teya's stone. Everything about Teya's death is sometimes a huge blur. I'm glad that your dad is going with you to see your mom's stone. You don't have to keep your tears in; let them out.
F.R.O.G. a.k.a. Amanda
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Reply #4 -
08/17/07
6:11pm
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If your dad wants you there then you need to go. You don't need to hold your tears back. You need to let it all out if it is all there. TRUST ME! It makes things a little better when you let it all out!
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Reply #5 -
08/17/07
8:17pm
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My mom passed away May 10th and her plaque will be going up soon - I too dread that moment, because in my heart and mind that will make it final. I am here for you and thank goodness for this room - so much comfort.
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Reply #6 -
08/20/07
3:09pm
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I just never have gone to her grave site except for when I was expected too. I was too much of a coward to see it again. It just hurts and I don't see the point in it. It really is a fucking nightmare that won't go away and you can't wake up.
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Reply #7 -
08/20/07
7:14pm
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I'm sorry for your loss and the stress of the headstone... For me, my dad's headstone wasn't that upsetting, but it was a major source of stress for my mom. Add to it that the cemetery actually made mistakes on it--not once, but twice--and the whole thing turned into a debacle... Seeing the name there etched in stone or bronze isn't easy, but you may be surprised at the sense of closure and peace it can give you as well. Regardless, I'm sorry for your loss and wish you blessings...
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Reply #8 -
08/22/07
10:52am
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i found out yesterday that my grandmother is going to pay for my sisters headstone. it is a blessing because with no insurance, paying for the funeral was so hard we are all strapped. but then reality hit me pretty hard. i dont know if i am ready to deal with seeing it etched in stone, you know, the date that my little sister drew her last breath. i know its real but this is just making me feel like its supposed to end it all and i am not ready to let go. i do want the world to know how great she was and i do think she deserves a monument to mark her little peice of earth, but God help me i am not ready for this.
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Reply #9 -
06/05/08
9:45am
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As others have said, seeing it for the first time is so sad; it makes it all so real. Then it becomes a place where you can go talk to your loved one. I am so very sorry for your loss.
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Reply #10 -
06/05/08
10:17am
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it took me nearly 14 years to finally place my mother's marker,, seeing it brought back so much pain,, but at the same time, it was like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders,, I think the head stone is final closure, the last possible thing you can do for your loved one.
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