Grief is a multi-faceted response to loss. Although conventionally focused on the emotional response to loss, it also has a physical, cognitive, behavioural, social and philosophic...
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I cant believe all the loss I have had in four mos
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In january my grandmother had a stroke and she was not expected to live through it but she did. even though she survived it she was not the same. after the stroke her throat swelled and she was not able to swallow. they tried to insert a tube but in order to do that she had to be sedated. so they sedated her and she coded. they were able to bring her back but it was really traumatic on her body. the doctors told our family that if she coded or stroked again that she could end up in a coma. she started to get better and was able to eat again but she had to stay in a nursing home. my grandfather went to visit her every day. every day my family was there by her side. because my grandmother was in the nursing home and she was not the same person anymore the stress of it all took its tole on my grandfather and he started neglecting his own health. He died on April 1st from an anurism and heart attack. My family was devastated. Later that month we found out that the foster son that we had for two years and who we were trying so desperatly to adopt was going to be adopted by another family. we were told that it was because they did not want him so close to his bio mother but both my dh and I think that is a crock of bull. we were later told that the reason we were unable to adopt him was because his bio family did not like us but would not tell us why. we were also told that we would be able to see and contact him but because of his bio family we have been unable to do this. we finally managed to get a visit by begging his case worker but because of the reaction we got from the adoptive family I got the impression that we would never see him again. we have not been allowed to contact him since. the day after that my grandmother died. that was on July 2nd she had suffered for a long time. unlike my grandfathers death her death was different. it was like a releaf. she had suffered for so long. the day of my grandmothers prayer service I lost my job. I thought i was going to have a nervous breakdown. i barely had time to greve a loss and another loss comes along. i have never been so devastated in all of my life. i did not know how i was going to go on. i wanted to kill myself to stop the pain. luckily i was able to speak with a councellor and my family. my father told me to stop crying about it and pick myself up and get out there and get a different job. at first i was mad at him for saying this but i began to realize that he was right. i was not going to get anywhere feeling sorry for myself and i needed to look at my job loss as a new oportuniity to start a different career. It has been tough but i have been searching for a new job and i have some definite leads so hopefully by the end of this week i will have a job. I am still devastated by all of my loss though. i am getting by though and it is like my family said, i now have to start living a new kind of normal. I have to start living a life now that is different and without my grandparents there. For the longest time I was mad at God and i was not even able to go to church but thanks to my church I am able to have a special minister come to my home and help me and help me get back into the church again eventually. I am getting by day by day. each day has its ups and downs. but with my family at my side i am able to get through it. my family will always be there for me and each other. sometimes my depression hits me at different times of the day. sometimes i will see something that reminds me of them or of my fosterson and i just cry and cry. i tell myself that crying is ok and that it is something that I should do. so if i feel like crying when i am in a store then I just go out to the car or to a private place and let myself cry. I am getting better but i will never be completely healed.
Posted on 07/22/08, 11:07 pm |
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Your story about your grandmother really struck a nerve with me because I lost my grandma last year (August 18) under very similar circumstances. She had two strokes in late May and ended up in a nursing home. They didn't take good care of her. She got pneumonia because they didn't sit her up enough. Having the stroke took away her dignity and she was a proud woman. She gave up trying to live and died a week after she got pneumonia.
My grandpa was sick as long as I can remember because he worked in a uranium mine for many years. Grandma was his reason for living. They were married 61 years. 5 months after grandma died he passed away (January 15). It was the day after his birthday. I was so close to my grandparents because they raised me for a big part of my childhood. We stayed very close and got closer every day. The loss I feel for them is unbearable at times. It has lessened over time but even little things can make me sad. In addition to them I lost three other relatives within the last 2 1/2 years. It's terrible. Losing all those other things - especially your foster son has to be devasting and the fact that you are going on is a statement to how strong you truly are. I say this because I tried several times to kill myself with pills unsuccessfully over the past few years. I ended up voluntarily checking myself into the hospital to get some help. It was the hardest and best thing I have done for myself in a very long time. If you ever feel the urge to kill yourself again go to the nearest emergency room and tell them you what you are thinking and they will help you get past that initial urge and suggest people who can help you. I know how hard it is to admit your feelings and have your family become aware of exactly how depressed you were but I would say in my experience it was worth it. A better option might be to see a grief counselor or even talk to your minister just to get your feelings out and work through your grief before you get to that point. Good luck with everything. You are in my thoughts and prayers. Christi 
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What a terrible ordeal to have to live through, but you did and that is a good thing, I lost my Daddy June 16th was a year ago and I know what you mean about the THE NEW NORMAL, things will never be the same nor will the hurt every leave we just have to search really hard for the strenght to make the adjustments!! take care and God Bless You!!!
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I'm sorry for all your losses - why do they sometimes all come together? You are a very strong person. Sometimes don't you wish you weren't? Don't you just want to have a tantrum like a 2-year-old and lie on the floor and kick and scream and want it all to go away?
Sue
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Yes I have wanted to kick and scream and get mad. I told my councellor that most of the time I just wanted to punch something really hard because I was so mad. I told her that at times I just wanted to put my fist through the wall. I did not do this though because a broken hand would only add to the problem. I also wanted to throw and break things. My councellor told me that it is ok to get angry and when I feel the need to want to hit something that i could punch my pillow or smack my bed with a towel. This does work and it helps me to get the anger out.
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You know, in 2003, I had terrible things happen to me in 4 months too. I went into a diabetic coma - didn't know I had diabetes before that. Two months later I had a seizure - never had before or since - and dislocated my shoulder, which I HAD done once before so took twice as long to heal and then in May my brother-in-law had his fourth heart attack (49 at the time) and almost didn't survive the bypass surgery.
This isn't to say "Oh I've had it worse than you" at all. I just mean that I understand how shaky and fragile it makes you feel. There's always going to be somebody who's worse off than we are but that doesn't mean that what we're experiencing isn't terrible and that our feelings aren't valid. Go ahead and punch that pillow if it makes you feel like you've released some anger. I have an idea of how you feel and I wish you didn't have to feel all of this. I'm here right now because my fiance died 6 months ago exactly 4 months to the day before our wedding. I wish there weren't so much pain in the world. At least we're all here for each other. Sue
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