Grief is a multi-faceted response to loss. Although conventionally focused on the emotional response to loss, it also has a physical, cognitive, behavioural, so...
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I posted this in my journal, but I don't expect a lot of responses as a lot of my friends haven't experienced a loss and seem to not comment on these type of entries.
So, as my profile says, I have had family members die. One of those was my mom. She was 29 and I was 11. She had AIDS and lived much longer than anyone thought she would. She was diagnosed before I was born (no, I don't have AIDS) and they didn't think she'd live very long, certainly not 11 years. I didn't go to the funeral (long story). Short version, my abusers were going to be ther eand had threatened me on the phone. I didn't feel safe going, so I didn't. Sometimes, I wonder if I should have went, but I can't change it so don't really think about it often. As I get older and go through the normal phases, it seems it becomes more and more "family" oriented. There was no formal graduation from elementary to junior high and none from junior high to high school (Our junior high and high school was in the same building. It housed 7-12 grades). It was weird not having any parents at graduation but my great aunt and Scott were there, so I did have people there. My step dad said his car broke down and we really don't keep in touch anymore anyway. Now, as I move into my senior year of college, it's going to be even stranger having no parents there at graduation.My aunt and Scott will be there, but, I don't know. It's not the same and they know and understand that. Both my great aunt and Scott are in their 60's and neither is the epitome of health. My great aunt smokes and is sick often and Scott has heart problems (heart attack, quadruple bypass, etc). I know it's only a matter before I'm completely "alone" and on my own, literally. I know they probably won't be alive when I turn 30 (though I hope they are of course) and sometimes that scares me. I know we are all going to be without family some day but normally when that happens, you have a family or significant other. I don't even know if I'll be done with college. I certainly doubt I'll have a significant other. And this is what happens when I have too much time to think. Posted on 05/16/08, 03:05 pm |
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I am so sorry for all the pain you have suffered in your young life. You seem to be a pretty strong person and have accomplished alot on your own. I'm sorry that I dont have any worldly advice for you as I have family and am still very lonely. All I can say is cherish who ever is in your life,be it friends or family. I consider some of my best friends are more like family. Take care. If you ever need a friend you know where to find me. Lori 
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Dear--I am old enough to be your mother,but do me a favor and complete your college.It is important and it is needed.It is very dogis out there.Do not worry about marriage right now.Get your education and it will come.Marry someone who can provide you with a nice home and life.Do not be like me get involved with a jerk who doesnt want to work.Take Care and keep in touch.
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"And this is what happens when I have too much time to think. "
This is normal, we all go though it. It is both sad, and frightening having fewer and fewer people in our lives. And, sometimes we are afraid of new relationships because we fear losing those people too. We all need people in our lives, no doubt, and in order to have them, we have to accept the pain that goes with that. Congrats on staying in college, and advanced congrats on your graduation. You'll carve out a life for yourself, including new people to be with and have relationships with. May God reward youw ith lots of wonderful friends and co-workers in your life. Huggs, Rainbow
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I hope you realize just how special and strong you are! I am so proud of you finishing college. With all the hurdles you have faced, most of us would not have pushed on as you have to finish high school. And look at you, you are getting ready to graduate college?!! Do you mind if I ask where and what you are studying?
You will meet a special someone soon. It sounds like you have dedicated your time to school which was the smart thing to do. I am just so proud of you! I am fairly new around here and am finding this to be a really nice forum. Even if you don't have a crowd in the audience, we will be here for graduation on your behalf!
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i am truly sorry for your pain. ive suffered a great deal of losses my first and foremost was my mother 32 years ago. the only friends i have are on the computer. but you cant hug a computer and look into its eyes hold its hand and see it smile. i myswell be alone cuz i feel that i am.
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wow, I was expecting so many replies. Thank you all so much.
I need to work on making friends. I don't really have any. I tend to keep my distance from most people due to the abuse issues. All my friends are online as well. Thinking is the reason I keep myself so incredibly busy. Thinking leads to thoughts about people who have died and about the abuse. That leads to severe depression, suicidal thoughts, and not eating. The not eating has turning into anorexia in the past and is not something I want to repeat, even if it did help curb the flashbacks. I'm a psychology major and want to go in to clinical psychology in graduate school. I also am interested in possibly studying to be a physical therapist or a personal trainer. I go to a small liberal arts college in Ohio, Kenyon College. Most people haven't heard of it LOL.
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I know for myself, I would prefer the smaller campus. I would imagine you could do many things with your degree. My daughters SIL helps people who are mentally retarded (most only slightly) get to appointments and get established in their own apartments, etc. She finds it very fullfilling. She worked with younger children in the foster care system for a few years but has been working with these young adults for over a year now and really likes it.
Of course, you will have many areas to choose from and you will choose wisely. You sound pretty level headed!
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I am sorry for all you have been through. My parents are gone, I am 46 and single. I am close to my sister, she is moving to Mass. eventurlly. I feel too young to have no parents; we are never ready to lose them. Try to take it one day at a time; that's what I try to do. Thinking about the future too much scares me too. Love to you.
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