Bereavement Support Group

sorry but he's wrong, he not supposed to just leave you be, you need your kids now that your hubby is gone. You need their support and encouragement and just plain need them in your life. That's just mean that he said that. I hope that somehow you can become able to keep in contact in the midst of all that you are going through.

Oof. You know, I would maybe ask him what "phasing" out entails, and why he feels he needs to do that. Is it a protective thing, because he fears losing you, and if he distances himself emotionally, it will make it easier? I'd tell him it's been bugging you a bit lately. See what he says. Sometimes, what we mean to say and how we say it are two different things altogether. Personally, I don't think he truly intends to phase you out. Something else is at the root of that comment.

To me family is EVERYTHING and I couldn't imagine making that statement to my mother. You need to talk to him and see exactly what he is thinking. A thought to hold on to and ask him about--Maybe he is still grieving over the loss of your husband and to him it is easier to "phase you out" rather than staying close and then losing you when the time comes. Hugs!

I understand how your feeling. I just recently lost my husband two months ago. I have two kids. My son is 18. I know how much he loved his father and he misses him but the boys seem like they close out their emotions. It hurts so bad knowing there going on with their lives and your still stuck at the date and time. I dont have any advice except to say I know how you feel and Im sorry. Don't think he doesn't love you, that is the way boys are. You will always be his mom. He will be there when he needs you.....

"phase you out?" Is this some kind of new age thinking? Yes, as our family members get closer to their own death, it hurts, but pain is a normal emotion of life. I have never heard of doing this, and hope I never do again. So sorry for your loss and all you are going through. I hope your son re-thinks and comes to his senses! Huggs, Rainbow

Thank-you so much for your understanding, insights and suggestions! That was so sweet of you people! It means a lot to have people on my side when I'm feeling so down. I will try to talk to him about it, get to the bottom of it. Thanks again for all your help and support!

I think that is cruel and insensitive. You gave birth to them and raised them. It is their obligation as children to take care of you, not abandon you. My dad just passed away recently on 4/12. I had been taking care of he and my mom who has bipolar and dementia (she gets pretty mean and nasty at times but does not remember it). I take care of her in spite of being married with 4 kids of my own.

Sorry but that chaps my you know what a little bit. He nneds to think about how his father would feel about that too. I am sure he would be very unhappy about him saying that to you.

Hopefully he comes to his senses. Sounds like he is just a little bit self absorbed at the moment. Maybe like the others said, he is just not knowing how to handle his emotions at the moment.

I am so sorry you had to hear those words from your son. Talk about insensitive! If my child said that to me I would be so angry!

Maybe he is having a hard time dealing with loss, I hope that's the problem, some people do behave strangely under stress. But urgh, I would smack him a good one if he were my son.

Hi first let me say I am sorry for the loss of your husband.As for your son who said he needs to phase you out of his life that is one of the most insensitve things I have heard in sometime.I don't know how your son was raised up and obviously he is going through his own grief but I think the very best way he could honor his father is to look out and be there for you when he can.No one can be there for any of us all the time but to be there for a loved on occassion is what a man would do in my opinion.I have a close bond with both of my parents and my father passed away a little over two years ago and as a result I largely take care of my mothers yard work at her house and help her with things like taking the car to the shop etc.My father loved and valued my mother and I think as I said earlier that is the very best way that i can honor him Best to you.

Thank-you again to everyone for all your help and support. I tried some of your suggestions, and they were good suggestions. Apparently what my son said came out wrong, and it's not the way he feels, and it's all straightened out. :) I was confused, wondering if this was some kind of New Age thinking or something. I feel so much better now. It's hard to have problems like that when you've recently lost your husband. Thanks again for all the good ideas and supportiveness. :)