Grief is a multi-faceted response to loss. Although conventionally focused on the emotional response to loss, it also has a physical, cognitive, behavioural, social and philosophic...
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overwhelmed...now what?
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my brother was killed a month ago. he was only 19 and the circumstances were really stupid, something that just shouldn't have happened. we were very close, but only in the last few years. on top of his death there have been many other traumas and dramas in the last month (related to his death and otherwise) that have contributed to an overall feeling of being completely overwhelmed, and at the same time very alone.
as most people in my situation would, i have a lot of people who tell me they are there for me if i need them, etc. i know that grief is individual and people aren't going to understand, but it's frustrating that they all seem to want to 'fix' me or else, now that it's been a month, it's like they are expecting me to be 'getting on with life' and getting 'back to normal'. i'm just wondering what other people have done to get through this because i am just not sure where to go from here. Posted on 11/11/07, 02:11 pm |
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Most people react that way, because they just don't know what to do. We live in a society where people try to avoid death and the pain of it.
I have just tried to get through one day at a time, and spend time doing something for me everyday, that gets my mind off it even for just a little while. A walk, favorite music, meditation. What ever soothes you, try to give yourself some time with that every day. Pain and pleasure mixed will help take the edge off. Rainbow 
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one day at the time the only way sorry. No easy remedy. Your right of course others do want you just to get on with your life or see someone else to fix you, but truly i think your the only one who can do that and it will take time. try to take it easy :-)
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I won't say that I know how you feel, but I do have a good idea. My dad died last week. He was a firefighter for a large city so I've literally had hundreds of people come up to me asking how they can help, telling me they are there for me if I need them. I feel bad every time I tell them that I don't need help because I know they want to do something for me and my family, not just to help but to make themselves feel better.
I am getting really sick of people I dont know coming up to me putting a hand on my shoulder and telling me they are sorry to hear about my dad. Or walking into the local video rental store just to find out that my dads funeral has become the town gossip.
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welcome.. I am sorry for your loss.
yes, my friends just want me fixed & back to the way I was too...tho some of them have only known the me who was numb & going through the motions. I know they mean well, but you need time to grieve & mourn. It will happen in it's own time frame... my beloved has been dead for 5-1/2 years and I am still trying to deal with his death. you are in my thoughts & prayers
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I have been not dealing with my son's death, 6 years now. But since joing this community, I have found talking about him and the issues around his death are starting to help. So, I guess my sugestion to you is to talk or write down your feelings. I wish you luck and piece of mind. I would be more that willing to listen at any time.
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I can relate to what u said about people expecting you to move on or just get over it! I could never really understand why they were saying this to me or acting that way.I looked at them as heartless and cold.I understand now that they were trying to avoid their own feelings and the way I deal with my pain just brings theirs to the surface.I would say to you just feel what you feel regardless of others and if you can find some people who wont try to fix you and just be there for you in whatever way you need them to be,it might help.
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I made myself get up and out each day. I surrounded myself with family and friends to keep from having to think about myself, my pity. I beleive that ppl want to help, to fix it. but there is no fix from the outside. It has to come from yourself, you have to be willing to walk through the steps of grief and recovery in order to heal. It's a process and it's different for each person. Hang on to what you can have and let go of what you can't have. Wishing you peace,if only for a few minutes each day. Liz
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