Anxiety refers to a complex combination of negative emotions that includes fear, apprehension and worry, and is often accompanied by physical sensations such as palpitations, nause...
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I feel like I failed...
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So today I feel like I have failed in some way. I have been seen for panic and axiety and depression for the last 15 years. I have been taking a combo of a Benzo(it was xanax for 12 years then switched over to klonopin in september) and an antiderepssant nearly that whole time. My life basically fell apart when I was put on antidepressants. This last June my doctors took me off antidepressants because of the side effects. I only took xanax 3x a day .5mg so not a high dose. Being I took it for 12 years it became useless and I was tolerant to it. I had to go in for Gal Bladder surgery in september and that time they switched me to klonopin(switched doctors while in there). For the last 5 months I was on nothing but klonopin .5mg. I took it 3x a day for the first month then I went down to 2x a day. I had not felt better in 12 years. I even started a part time job for the first time in about 5 years. Feeling so good I decided to try to go down to .25mg 2x a day. I went through the week of withdrawls because I went down to fast but I dealt with it. I was only taking .25mg 2x a day for about 3 weeks. I felt good. Felt I was beating my anxiety. The last week though hasn't been so kind. I got the stomach flu and things just fell apart. I knew something wasn't right when I would cry watching terrible TV or at movies. I knew that feeling of change. I didn't like it nor want to accept it. This morning I just took .5mg again and I feel like I failed myself. Like I let myself down. That I could not beat this. For almost 9 months I felt normal again. 9 months out of almost 15 years and it never felt so good. I just feel like I failed...
Posted on 02/10/08, 11:02 am |
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Did you talk to your doctor before you changed the dosage this morning? You should tell her/him about doing this & about how you feel. You didn't fail! 
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You haven't failed, don't be so hard on your self. you haven't given up you've been trying, giving up is failing and from what you have said you are far from that as you have been fighting it for years and your still here, to me that sounds like your winning not losing. If you where a diabetic and you needed insulin injections twice a day you'd take it wouldn't you to make you feel better, depression and anxiety are an illness too so take what you need off your Doctor to make you feel better. Most importantly try to be positive.
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You haven't failed AT ALL!! Withdrawal from medication is a nasty thing. Plus, you had the flu, which makes anyone feel like dirt as it is, so don't get down on yourself!
You said it best...you felt like a new person for 9 months, so why then would you let a few down days ruin your success? Don't do it to yourself, it's not worth it! Keep up the great work you are doing and keep us posted:)
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i understand your feeling of failure. i have times that i feel great and think that meds are a crutch and then i feel like i am so thankful for them. but really, so what if we are in need of meds for our life? no one gives diabetics a hard time for needing their meds. we have true physical simptoms, that often need medical attention. be kind to yourself. taking medication is no sign of weakness or failure.
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