Alzheimer's Disease Support Group

Moving Dad into a nursing home was hard on me, too. You give up your life to their needs, and, when the situation changes, it is a difficult transition for both of you, since AD patients do not deal well with change. But I made the transition, and you will, too. You can ease it by going to the assisted living facility to check on her and spend time with her. Your duties will be different, but the staff will be grateful for your presence,a nd it will help her make the transisiton, too.
Dad got impossible to deal with at home, which was why we chose to move him. He went into an Alzheimers unit, which was very good for him. It would have been impossible to do the things that they did for him.
This disease is heartbreaking, and difficult for everyone. Just remember that you have doen your best in a difficult situation. You have my sympathy and admiration.

Lynne, yes my Mom went into the Alzheimers unit in the assisted living facility also. I need to visit more. It seems as if I'm holding back from going like I need to. I don't know what is keeping me from going.

When we put Dad in, they told us to do as much as we were comfortable with. Maybe, since you know she is on good hands, you are giving yourself a break before you have to face the fact that things have changed, and you are no longer the only one responsible. Be gentle with yourself.

My mom had a stroke about 7 years ago which left her with very few after-effects and she was able to live by herself. Her memory was affected by the stroke and as it got worse I had to take her car away and began doing more for her.

I had to move her into my house about a year ago when it became obvious she could no longer take care of herself -- she wasn't eating regularly even though she had food, she kept forgetting how to use the microwave, and her personal hygiene habits were becoming hit or miss.

Mom really hated losing her independence but eventually resigned herself to living here. It's been an adjustment for me, too.

About 3 months ago she fell and broke her hip. She spent 3 weeks in the hospital and in-patient rehab. The docs advised sending her to a nursing home but I refused, and still have her with me. Her hospital stay brought on a fairly major decline both physically and mentally. She can no longer get around by herself but she keeps forgetting that and I have to watch her very carefully so she doesn't fall again.

It is very painful to see her like this, and especially difficult when she has those moments of lucidity and realizes she can't remember anything. And so far, she has not exhibited any of the problem behavior common to AD, and for that I am very grateful.

I plan to keep her home until the end with the help of hospice when the time comes.

kaypee...I didn't mean to wait so long to answer your post. Forgive me please! You are one very special daughter to take such good care of your Mom. I think we all hope there is a person like yourself for us when our time comes. You've had a long road with your Mom. I agree that if you can keep your Mom at home with you, that is the very best thing to do for her. In our case, we don't have enough room here and she was not safe, plus I have a physical problem that limits me from caring for her the way I use to.

Be good to yourself along the way too! Bless you ...

It is my husband who has alzheimers, he is in second stage from what his doctor has said and we are hoping the medications will help him continue to enjoy his life at home for at least a couple more years.
At this point I am dealing with him pretty much on my own but I will be joining a support group this month and we are looking into getting some kind of respit care so I don't have to do it all 24/7.
Right now he just needs lots of one on one attention, he behaves pretty much like a hyper eight year old most of the time although he does have periods when he seems like his old self. It is hard to do things because he wants me right there to look at whatever has caught his eye or mind at the moment. It is such a relief when we have company or go to the mental health annex so he has other people to talk to and I can just be quiet for a few minutes.

I care for my mother, and receive very little support from my two sisters, they have abandoned me, and she is paranoid, she twists everything yet can still manage to do much on her own, i see she is starting to have difficulties, flooding the bathroom routinely, and so many other things, i feel so alone in all this, so wounded by my own family who is reacting this way, please advise

Yes i care for my mom, she is physically well, but in early stages,and she drank a great deal during her early adult years which apparently impacts the type of dementia they experience, it is chaotic to say the least and it breaks my heart to watch this decline, finding all of you and reading your comments helps tremendously on this road. i dont know how long i can do this, as she demands my complete attention while i am home, and i never know what to expect,,,i do the best i can

I care for my husband in our home. He is an advanced AD patient. He is also a parapalegic stroke patient. So, in some ways it is a little easier for me to take care of him. He cannot wander off and pretty much stays indoors unless I take him outside. I do have problems with confusion, occasional hallucinations,and anger issues. I also have to bathe,dress, and get up in and out of bed and his chair. I have had medical personnel suggest that I "investigate" a nursing home several times, but I don't feel either of us is ready for that as yet.

For the longest time we didn't know exactly what was wrong with Mom. We still aren't guaranteed. But we DID know two things for certain. She couldn't be alone and she needed to be out of her big house. Both my sister and I were accepting that we might need to become full time caregivers but at time same time she convinced me that having more people around her might be a better solution.

Mom certainly did not want to leave her house. We would at times share with her the benefits of senior housing and she wanted nothing to do with it.

There is something to be said for God's timing. It seemed like out of nowhere I sensed the urgency and the time was NOW. Within days I set a plan in motion, found senior housing that offered assisted living and basically said, Mom, you are going here for at least 3 months time while your house is cleaned and made evironmentally safe. There was no argument. I took her on an introduction tour on a Wednesday and we moved her in on Saturday. She told others (not me) how beautiful she thought the place was, how nice the staff was. That was April 28.

She immediately was far more comfortable there than in her home or mine. SHE even knows that. The discussion of Mother's Day (on this site) made a new reality set in. We are better off celebrating in her new setting than in our homes. She was so stressed and confused after spending Mothers Day (with a sleep over) with her family at my house, that when we returned her to her apartment on Monday morning she had no idea where her bedroom or refrigerator was.

Yes, I am hard on myself thinking I am a horrible or unloving person who cannot bring her own mom into her own home and take care of her. I do believe I really did want to give it a try. And my hubby was willing to go along with it. But there is something to be said about the wisdom of an older sister. And the caring love and abilities of others, like the assistance staff at the apartment. Now, WE don't have to be "the boss". We don't have to argue for what we think is right. Well, not always, we are still learning. Instead, we can devote our visits with Mom to more love and laughter.

No, Mom doesn't really socialize yet. She probably never will. But she seems to recognize the safe environment and we are so thankful she is comfortable there.