Alcoholism Support Group

What?

Why bother?

How anybody feels and reacts is their stuff.... "have a right to"? Yes. Should anyone care enough to tell you what they really think... only if they love you.

It is a BIG DEAL if you drink. It says that you have not made a commitment to yourself, and it means you are in trouble Spiritually. It means you are not mentally sober.

Just one day? Whining about the reaction of others is not what needs to be done.

Come on, what did you think would happen? Poor me, poor me, pour me a drink, too?

I get that you are getting a hard time for a one day relapse dream. Well, I dont know what "right" anyone really has but I can understand that others around us react out of fear when they suspect we are going back to our old ways. Fear shows itself in nasty ways, try to understand where the other person is coming from. A lot of times when we express understanding toward an angry, fearful person, their judgement and attack lesson. I dont know about you, but I put those around me threw hell, and even after a year of sobriety they are a bit afraid. Let them know you understand, try and be empathetic, and tell them you are back on track. Time will tell them this best though, be patient.

I could care less what anyone else thought of me if I relapsed as they care less I quit.
I would be the one that would be so hard on myself, I KNOW, I have ONE drink, it WILL be my last.
SO, obviously, different situation......
For sure, different outcome. :)

Soberiety is built on rigorous honesty to yourself and others.

If you don't like how she reacts to your drinking, don't drink.

Maybe she is has been going to Al-Anon and no longer is going to let you get away with lying to yourself and to her. She may continue to call you on your sxxt. It is called tough love. You think you should be complemented because you went back on your word to get sober?

Maybe she is just angry because she loves you and cannot stand to see you continuing to make yourself -- and therefore her and the rest of your family -- insane. You made a commitment to sober up. You then made a deliberate decision to drink. You have not kept that commitment.

As Dr. Paul O says in his story, "Acceptance is everything"; "I was judging myself on my intentions. The rest of the world was judging me on my actions."

That is called living in reality.

Sometimes I'm shocked by the way people think that recovering alcoholics should behave with "perfection" for the rest of their lives. Many do put down the bottle and never pick it up again, but some slip occassinally. We're human.

Let's look at other character defects in people. Let's say a person is prone to anger -intense anger. Now lets say they go the thearapy, they get a grip on their problem, and instead of displaying a violent temper every day, they do it once a month. Wouldn't we call that success?

But the recovering drunk who falls down? No brownie points for you! It just kind of bugs me. (and no, I'm not advocating the idea of getting drunk once a month!).

I have to agree with the above replies. It actually is harder for the significant others NOT to react in the negative. Their fear of losing the loved one is the first reaction. They are reminded of the turmoil of past experiences, the terrible things said and done, the thought that they may never see that loved one again due to death or imprisonment. To expect anything less from them is to invite enabling and the idea that it is OK to continue. I can say these things as I have experienced them myself. I too struggled in the beginning. I had a pastor tell me at the end of my drinking that my wife saw it as adultery. That the bottle meant more to me then our relationship. I denied it at the time but realized the truth. He was right. Their reaction is something that could be accepted as them showing how much they really love you. The question should not be directed at them and their reactions but at the self and why we continue. Days, weeks, even months are not enough to convince. Ask yourself this. During those times of sobriety is their turmoil, fighting or negativity or is it a time of loving support and positive thoughts and actions. To me, today, their is no such thing as relapse or "slip". For me to drink today is a blatant disregard for the thoughts and feelings of my loved ones and the message " I don't care about anyone but ME". .
How many times can one do this before those they love turn their back and run away. They don't like pain any more than we do.

When my BIL was in detox several years back he and all the rest there were told that their families, friends, and loved ones had every reason to be fearful and suspicious, and that if anyone should working to prove themselves, it should be them, not the families. WinterySoul said it best. When my bf was actively drinking, the hell that surrounded us was inexplicable and there have been moments even within his five months of sobriety that his behavior and actions have left me wondering if he had fallen off the wagon again which, I admit, scares me to death. He didn't become an alcoholic overnight and he's not going to recover overnight and the idea of him going back to what he was when he was drinking is not very appetizing.

Not long ago, I read "The Dilemma Of The Alcoholic Marriage" and there was a section in there that was talking about communication and the lack thereof and there was this one part that has stayed with me. There was a lady whose husband, an active alcoholic, was verbally and emotionally abusive as she was beginning the Al Anon program. A fellow member said this, "Keep your mouth shut no matter what he says!" Okay, maybe I am overreacting and reading something into it that might not be there. But I guess how do you justify standing there and taking whatever is dished your way? I don't care if you're the husband, wife, boyfriend, girlfriend, Man In The Moon, sooner or later it will take its toll. And then what?

I look to the beautiful experience with life and this disease. My failure in content with my awareness is all that I need.

We all have a different road. My choice is to finally figure out if that road is alone outside of my daughter and those close to me. It will never be alone while I teach my daughter. It may find a united family in the midst of our mixed family. Who knows??? That is a going back which can make no sense with a new family.

So Sage, when you are whining or when I am, who do you want to listen? Fuck off.

So Sage, "Why bother? " So why do you bother being here?

Forgot that us alcoholics are a little sensitive.... and I sure did not finish the thought with the "why bother " comment...

Jeez, what I really meant to say was:
Why bother drinking for one day?

And if I whine, which I do, I need somebody to care enough to call me on my shit. And I do feel worse. But feeling lousy has the advantage of being subject to change into something better. It's kind of like the tipping point...

I do hope that in your search for answers about your family that you skip the drinking because it can only muddy up the situation.